Seth Beer pops taters. Via YouTube.

Many, many people have played professional baseball, and as math would have it, a few of them have names that sounded like the sport’s favorite drink. Back in ’48, a Clarence Beers pitched most of one inning, badly, for the Cardinals. More recently, a Scott Beerer kicked around the minors for most of the aughts, finishing with a .304 average in 325 games. The future, though, holds that the top-selling jersey in the Majors will belong to one Seth Beer, a 19-year-old, 6-foot-2, 195-pound freshman outfielder for the Clemson Tigers. Let’s all say it together—BEER—and salivate on behalf of headline writers into the next decade.

Highly rated as a prep (he’s just a damn athlete; he set a national age-group records as a 12-year-old for the 50- and 100-meter backstroke), Beer is rising fast as a collegian. At the season’s midpoint, Perfect Game has named him not just the best freshman in college baseball, but the player of the year so far. Through his first 97 at-bats, Beer hit .433/.537/.918 for the No. 12 Tigers (current stats here) and with 13 dingers is just one off the national lead. Also, lest we become too enamored with the things he can control, let’s not forget that he was born with the last name Beer.

Here. Watch Beer hit a walk-off home run.

Beer truly is a man who defies fastballs and pronouns alike. He’s simply fun to write about, for all news is good, always Beer-related. Take for instance: “Beer is Clemson’s fifth commitment for the 2016 class.” Or, “They couldn’t have possibly known just how much of a difference Beer would make so early.” Or, “Baseball fans can get a look at Beer when Clemson travels to Furman.” Or, “It might be tough to find a better athlete than Beer in the 2016 Draft class.” Or, “An extraordinary guy named Beer bounced one deep in left-center—near the Bud Light sign, of all places.” But it’s better when you don’t get too enamored with it. Witness the simple pleasures of the headline, “Monte Lee lands Beer with a simple phone call.” Ah, how nice for the Clemson head coach. Or this quote, from Lee, describing a Beer dinger: “That’s just Beer being Beer.”


It even works in his Twitter handle, where Beer deploys his surname as a stealth verb: @beer_seth. Dude’s going to be big one day in Denver or St. Louis or Seattle. But Milwaukee fans in particular need to start the chant now. When you get the chance, Brewers, do the right thing: Draft the draught.