Soccer Page 216 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
UEFA Gets Rid Of Dumb Rule That Keeps Cool Players On The Sidelines
Are you a Barcelona fan angry that the team’s chances of winning the treble this year are significantly hampered because Philippe Coutinho isn’t allowed to play in the Champions League? Are you a Gooner worried that Arsenal might fail to win the Europa League and in the process consign the once prou...
Goalkeeper Tries To Pretend He Didn't Do The Incredibly Dumb Thing He Just Did
To throw a ball into one’s own net is the single worst thing a goalkeeper can do. To throw the ball into one’s own net, and for that colossal boner to not be the biggest takeaway from the incident in question, takes some serious work. So we doff our cap to this Ethiopian keeper who managed just that...
Four Idiots On The Field Invade Portugal Match; One Tries To Kiss Cristiano Ronaldo
At one point during today’s Portugal-Netherlands friendly match, there were three Idiots On The Field who tried to share a moment with Cristiano Ronaldo. One of them went so far as to attempt to lock lips with the Portugal captain:...
Soccer Player Delivers A <i>Mortal Kombat</i> Flying Kick To Opponent's Face
Martín Minadevino of Argentine club Atlético Brown demonstrated Saturday that his hero growing up wasn’t Maradona, but Liu Kang:...
Here Are The New Kits The USMNT Won't Wear At The World Cup This Year
U.S. Soccer unveiled the new uniforms for the men’s and women’s national teams in what amounted to a Friday afternoon news dump. The timing was strange, and almost made it seem like they didn’t want to remind everyone that the U.S. men’s national soccer team will not be wearing these sweet new kits ...
Players In Polish Soccer League Apparently Can't Kick The Ball For Shit
We don’t have strong views about whether Poland’s domestic soccer league is helping or hurting Polish soccer the way we do about MLS’s effects on soccer in the U.S. But this collection of lowlights from the Ekstraklasa does pose a troubling question: Why do so many players there suck at kicking the ...
Shithead England Hooligans Pour Drinks On Unsuspecting Boaters
The England national team is currently in Amsterdam for a World Cup tune-up friendly against the Netherlands. Lots of English fans also made the trip out to Amsterdam, and they too are using the trip to practice for World Cup. Sadly, it looks like the English hooligans have already mastered their pa...
Zlatan Announces Move To LA Galaxy In Most Zlatan Way Possible
As much as anything else, Zlatan Ibrahimović is so highly coveted by MLS for his ability to capture attention. While we still await an official announcement of his signing with the LA Galaxy, which by all reports is imminent, his wildly, hilariously arrogant persona is already paying dividends as ev...
Step Right Up And Feast Your Eyes On MLS's Newest Attraction, Zlatan Ibrahimović!
Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, may I have your attention please! We, the proud proprietors of Major League Soccer, The Greatest Show On Earth (By 2022), would like to welcome you to another season of the thrills, spills, and wildly inequitably salary bills you can only find at our glorious es...
Chilean Soccer Player Wins Penalty With Staggeringly Awful Dive
Meet Jean Meneses, a midfielder for Chilean first division team, Universidad de Concepción. I’m sure he’s scored some great goals and hit some beautiful passes during his career, but it will be hard to top this truly exceptional dive of his from this weekend’s match against Colo-Colo as his career-d...
Slightly Defective Museum Cat Clearly The Animal To Beat In Predicting The World Cup
We are just 12 weeks away from some soccer games, but more importantly we are just 12 weeks away from a bunch of animals picking the winners of those soccer games. Following in the footsteps of Paul the octopus and Clam the psychic clam, a veritable menagerie of clairvoyant creatures are preparing t...
Nothing Can Stop Ronaldo From Realizing His Dream Of Scoring Loads Of Goals
This time two months ago, Real Madrid were struggling. Their defense of the league title had already all but mathematically failed. Their Champions League fate also looked shaky, with the back-to-back winners in the club’s favorite competition finishing second in their group and receiving a tough dr...
"Hey Tony Precum": All The Ways Columbus Crew Fans Expressed Their Rage Towards Owner Anthony Precourt<em></em>
COLUMBUS, Ohio — Across the large swath of the parking lot of Mapfre Stadium before the first Columbus Crew home game of the season on March 10, I could see it clearly: Fans duct-taped owner Anthony Precourt to the side of a red four-door pickup truck....
FIFA Agrees To Infect This Summer's World Cup With Video Replay
We’ve made the case time and again for why VAR, soccer’s video replay system, sucks ass. Apparently our cries for sanity have fallen on deaf ears, because reports say the chuckleheads at FIFA have just agreed to inflict VAR upon the upcoming World Cup in Russia....
Here's The Champions League Quarterfinal Draw
The Champions League quarterfinal draw is here, and it does a pretty good job of keeping all the most powerful teams separated:...
Screeching Moron Formerly In Charge Of U.S. Soccer Scouting Offers Braindead Anti-Messi Take
You probably aren’t familiar with Thomas Rongen, and we really wish we didn’t feel compelled to inform you of his existence. But when a gaping asshole like this has somehow amassed real, serious power at the highest levels of U.S. Soccer, and demonstrates his gross incompetence for his position in t...
UEFA Rudely Fines Besiktas For Delightful Cat On Pitch
Yesterday’s Champions League match between Bayern Munich and Besiktas experienced a brief interruption in the second half, courtesy of a friendly little kitty-cat scampering onto the pitch:...
Some Chelsea Fans Got Run Out Of Barcelona's Stadium By Security
Chelsea went to Camp Nou and got slapped out of the Champions League by Barcelona yesterday, and some of the Chelsea fans were feeling a bit sore after the match. ...
Lionel Messi Five-Holes Thibaut Courtois Twice As Barcelona Blow Past Chelsea
We’ll probably never know whether or not Lionel Messi really could do it on cold, wet nights in Stoke, but today we’ve been given even more evidence that he is pretty good at doing it on early spring nights in and against teams from elsewhere around England....