Soccer Page 297 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Hey, Come Over And Look At This Soccer Player's Floppy Dong Real Quick
This is FC Girondins de Bordeaux striker Thomas Touré, who was in action yesterday against AS Saint-Étienne. And this is Thomas Touré's dong....
How To Be A Soccer Fan
Towards the tail end of this past World Cup, more than a few readers emailed us looking for guidance on how to become a soccer fan. Never ones to disappoint our adoring readership, we've now obliged. Here's how we imagine that conversation would go....
Alleged Striker Fails To Score Easiest Goal Ever
Philipp Hofmann of Kaiserslautern could've done anything else with the ball here and scored. He could've barely tapped it in almost any direction and it would've gone in. He could've tripped over in his wind-up and his face would've bungled it in. His only job was not to do exactly what he did....
Watch Manchester United Fans Brawl With Guys Dressed Like Waldo
In one corner, a bunch of drunken oafs fresh off leaving a United match. In the other corner, a bunch of drunken oafs celebrating a bachelor party and wearing matching Where's Waldo? shirts and hats. It's the most England video there is. ...
The Worst Punishment For Luis Suárez Is Forcing Him To Play Teenagers
The worst part of Luis Suárez's suspension for the player himself probably hasn't been the jokes about his cannibalistic supervillain image, nor missing out on the early parts of this promising Barcelona season, nor the weekly adulation from tens of thousands of fans he used to receive whenever he s...
FIFA's Independent Investigator Wants His Corruption Report Released
FIFA hired an outside investigator to conduct a probe into allegations of bribery in the bidding process for the Russia and Qatar World Cups. That investigator, a former U.S. federal prosecutor, has finally submitted his findings to FIFA with the expectation that they would eventually be released to...
Ghanaian Soccer Star Denies Rumors He Ritually Sacrificed Rapper Friend
In the second confrontation—the first involving kicking the shit out of a journalist for inquiring on the subject—of rumors that Asamoah Gyan had his old friend, the rapper Castro, ritually sacrificed to benefit his career, the Gyan family has released a long statement denying the allegations....
What Are The Most Successful Formations In The Premier League?
Soccer formations are hard to pin down. They come in and out of fashion almost seasonally; their success will largely rest on which top teams adopt or abandon them; and there are an infinite number of permutations of each. All that said, why not poke our heads in on a broad survey of how various for...
Liverpool Defeat Middlesbrough 14-13 On Penalties
Yes, the headline is accurate. Liverpool defeated Championship side Middlesbrough 14-13 on penalties Tuesday to advance to the fourth round of the League Cup. Liverpool took leads of 1-0 and 2-1 but were pegged back twice, the second time in the 123rd minute of play after Kolo Touré's ill-advised ta...
Greek Soccer Team's Manager Gets Way Too Turnt During Press Conference
If there was one thing you could say about Gennaro Gattuso, AC Milan's and Italy's fiery former leader, it was that the man was a lock for a manager job when he retired. If there was another thing you could say, it was that said managerial career would involve numerous public blow-ups like this....
Nathaniel Clyne's Walloping 35-Yard Goal Put Southampton Up On Arsenal
This probably isn't news to most of you, but if you want to know why this site is named "Screamer," it's because of goals like this. Nathaniel Clyne belted this thing so hard the ball probably started screaming, and we were screaming while watching it fly in. Hence: Screamer....
Frank Lampard Scored A Fittingly Huge Goal Against Old Team Chelsea
The pillars of the old crew were all there. John Terry still in the captain's armband. A ponytailed Didier Drogba in his famous number 11. The boss José Mourinho, looking upon his charges sternly from the sideline, no doubt fighting back an inner smile. And Frank Lampard, a goal down, hungry to do...
Manchester United Dominate Leicester, End Up Getting Blown Out
You see that little guy up there? That's Filbert the Fox, Leicester City's mascot. Don't worry, he's feeling great. Though his club hosted the rich and famous Manchester United today, his boys managed to take down the giants. Those aren't tears of sadness, they're tears of mockery, directed at the...
The Premier League Needs More Bastards Like Diego Costa
It takes a certain type of person to start an argument with a person who can't even understand what they're saying. But with Chelsea leading 3-1 at Everton with a little over 20 minutes to play, a goal already to his name, that's what Diego Costa did....
Moritz Stoppelkamp Scores Longest Ever Bundesliga Goal
Down 0-1 to Bundesliga newcomers SC Paderborn 07 in second half stoppage time, Hannover 96 keeper Ron-Robert Zieler went forward for a last ditch free kick. That proved to be an unfortunate decision, as Paderborn midfielder Moritz Stoppelkamp cleared the ball 83 meters into Zieler's net. Stoppelka...
New Footage Proves Zlatan Ibrahimović Has Been Stuntin' Since Birth
Children sometimes have difficulty understanding the origins of God. How, if He was never born, did he emerge fully formed from nothing? Now, thanks to this previously unreleased footage of Zlatan Ibrahimović in his early years, we now have the perfect explanatory analogy....
Manchester United's Luke Shaw Is The Next Gareth Bale, Even If He's Not
This summer, Manchester United bought left back Luke Shaw from Southampton for £30 million. Luke Shaw is 19 years old. If you're not familiar with soccer's transfer fees, that is a staggering amount of money for a teenager. It's more than the fee paid for Wayne Rooney, another English talent of grea...
Apparently 1860 Munich Really Will Wear This Oktoberfest Kit In-Game
When I first saw this alleged 1860 Munich uniform, inspired by Oktoberfest and mimicking the Bavarian national costume, I thought it must be a joke. Gingham, collared shirts? Lederhosen? But it's real. And I think I kinda love it now....