Soccer Page 368 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Here's Video Of A Smooth Assist In A German Soccer Match
Borussia Dortmund faced Hamburg to start their respective Bundesliga seasons yesterday, which you probably already knew. The former won the match 3-1, the highlight of which was Robert Lewandowski's assist on Mario Götze's give-and-go goal in the 29th minute....

Soccer Fans In Portland Still Behaving Curiously Like Soccer Fans In Any City Outside The United States
The Portland Timbers—seventh in the MLS's Western Conference and 7-10-4 overall—defeated the league-leading L.A. Galaxy 3-0 on Wednesday night. In spite of their hangovers, the Timbers Army was in fine form for the upset. Someone trained a camera on the heart of the crew just before Jorge Perlaza ...

Josh Gatt, 19-Year-Old American Soccer Player, Is Spending His Summer Break Shattering Ankles
Josh Gatt is a 19-year-old from Michigan. He graduated from high school last year and turned down a scholarship at Indiana to sign with Austrian club SC Rheindorf Altach in summer 2010. In January of this year, he joined Molde, a top-division squad in Norway. Today his first-place squad beat Start...

The Winless, Scoreless Wonders Of Margatania FC
We're internet users too. We know setting aside ten minutes to watch something requires extraordinary circumstances, but these are about as extraordinary as they come. Please find the time, whether it be right now or later on, to watch "L'equip Petit," a short film about an under-7 team from a sma...

Jurgen Klinsmann: America's Newest Soccer Jesus
Jurgen Klinsmann was introduced to the media this week as the new coach of the U.S. men's soccer team, a development in the making ever since the U.S. Soccer Federation batted eyelashes at Klinsmann before the 2006 World Cup. The coach spurned the USSF then, and instead led Germany to a third-place...

Of The Four Goals Chivas Scored Against Barcelona Tonight, This One's The Best
This was Marco Fabian's second goal for Chivas de Guadalajara in its friendly vs. FC Barcelona tonight. In the end, it was the game winner, but Chivas would score another pair for good measure....

Chinese Italian Soccer Fans As Bad As Italian Soccer Fans
This, via Dirty Tackle, is what happens when an AC Milan fan accidentally wanders into an Inter Milan fan section. It doesn't matter that this is Beijing and not Milan — wearing red and black is a de-kitable offense....

Soccer's Barely Back, And We Already Have A Dive Of The Year Candidate
It's August, which means Europe's domestic leagues are just revving up. One of the first is the Dutch Eredivisie, which kicked off with FC Twente's Peter Wisgerhof tripping over an invisible footstool that someone carelessly left out on the pitch....

Here's Video Of Manchester United's Goalkeeper Getting Frozen In Place On A Barcelona Goal
With his Barcelona side down a goal in the 70th minute against Man U in D.C. tonight, Thiago took a shot from about 20 yards out. It went upper 90 with the quickness. Poor David De Gea, the new Reds keeper, moved about a twentieth of a foot before the goal netting snapped back....

"Wannabe Hooligans" Brawled In The Stands At A Philadelphia Union Match
A soccer-loving pal of mine who wishes to remain nameless emailed this morning about "a huge brawl in the Sons of Ben section" at last night's Philadelphia Union/Colorado Rapids match. The Sons of Ben to which he referred is the name of a group of hardcore Union supporters; they march in en masse ...

Friday Afternoon Fun With Asian People, With Special Guest Stars Neymar And Chien-Ming Wang
Set to jolly CONMEBOL rhythms, this is a local TV spot on Brazilian team Santos' new ad hyping their Club World Cup trip to Japan. Yep, those are Santos players making the slant-eyed gesture. We'd expect this kind of thing from one half of the Treaty of Tordesillas, but not both....

Fat Ronaldo Goes To Ibiza
There was a reason he was given the cognomen "fat" even during his playing days. Finally retired in February, Ronaldo took his little yellow bathing suit to Ibiza, presumably for the house and trance clubs. We wonder now if we shouldn't have labeled this NSFW....

FC Barcelona Attempts To Train On National Mall, Gets Smacked Down By Surly Park Police Officer
There was a time when rowdy pick-up soccer games took place on the Ellipse in front of the White House, when a powerful leg could damn near reach the Rose Garden. No longer. The pigs cracked down after 9/11, when it was decreed that foreign commie sports enjoyed by minorities were not to be played...

Serie A Owner Storms Out Of Scheduling Meeting In Most Dramatic, Italian Way Ever
Aurelio De Laurentiis, the owner and savior of the soccer club S.S.C. Napoli, is also a successful Italian film producer in his native country. So we can forgive him for his penchant for the theatrical. But mio dio, his reaction to next season's Serie A fixtures was one for the ages. ...

Cristiano Ronaldo Could End Up Being Seized By The European Central Bank
The financial situation in Europe is so screwed up that soccer players are being used as collateral. Bankia, a troubled seven-month-old Spanish banking group, is trying to shore up capital by going public and getting a big loan from the European Central Bank, the EU's equivalent of the Federal Reser...

Unconscionable Neymar Goal Highlights A Very Brazilian Night Of Soccer
We grab your attention with this, Neymar's first of two scores on the night, a one-of-a-kind run through the Flamengo defense. But we really wanted to highlight the entirety of one of the more thrilling games in recent memory. (If you've got 90 minutes to kill, the whole match is on YouTube)....

Watch A Linesman Fall During The MLS All-Star Game
Linesman tries to get out of the way of a soccer ball. Linesman flies to the ground in dramatic fashion. Could've been worse. Linesman could've been an All-Star team that lost 4-0 to a foreign squad playing a preseason game....

The Sucker Karate-Kicking Goalkeeper Could Soon Be Charged With Attempted Murder
Remember that whole U-20 soccer tournament brawl in Brazil that came to an abrupt halt when evil Sport Recife goalkeeper Gustavo karate-kicked Vasco da Gama's Elivelton directly in his neck from behind? Well, you can likely tack an attempted-murder charge onto the lifetime ban that Gustavo's facin...

Your MLS All-Star Game Open Thread
The fan-favorite best roster that Major League Soccer has to offer will try to avenge last year's 5-2 All-Star ass-whooping at the hands of a Chicharito-less, EPL-champion Manchester United side tonight. Good luck with that....

On Future Bicycle Kicks, Do Not Aim For Your Face
Chelsea midfielder Yossi Benayoun is probably a very good football player, and it undoubtedly takes a great deal of athleticism to put oneself in position to kick the ball into one's own face. But still. He kicked the ball into his face! When he coulda kicked it into the goal! What a loser!...