Soccer Page 375 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
German Fan Violence Turns Underwhelming Soccer Match Into Overwhelming Soccer Scene
Today's Bundesliga match between Kaiserslautern and Frankfurt had all the makings of an exercise in excessive boredom. Frankfurt hasn't scored in eight games; Kaiserslautern hasn't won a match in 2011....
Kicking A Fan In The Face Is Eric Cantona's Most Treasured Memory
Cantona, on his famous flying kick of an abusive fan: "I think that maybe it's like a dream for some people sometimes, to kick these kinds of people. So I did it for them. So they are happy." [The First Post]...
Every Last Player And Coach Got Red Carded In A Single Soccer Match In Argentina
Quite a bit of scrapping went down in a recent Argentinian lower-level soccer match between Claypole and Victoriano Arenas. So much scrapping that referee Damien Rubino issued 36 red cards. One was for bad behavior during the halftime break....
Celtic V Rangers Madness — Everyone Goes Crazy!
El Hadji Diouf playing for Rangers against Celtic. What could go wrong?...
Chelsea Owner Roman Abramovich Relieved To Still Have The World's Biggest Symbolic Penis
Thought we couldn't put a sports spin on the recent revelation that Teodoro Nguema Obiang Mangue, the son of the dictator of Equatorial Guinea, had commissioned a yacht with a movie theater on board? Wrong....
When Life Hands You Torrential Downpours, Make Your Soccer Stadium A Water Park
On Monday, a soccer game between Brazil's Sao Paulo and Palmeiras at Morumbi Stadium was delayed a few hours due to very heavy rain. The fans who showed up early did not let it spoil the party, and treated the 80,000-seat facility like a giant water park for the entire game, which ended in a 1-1 d...
Soccer Player Who Killed Fluffy, Defenseless Owl May Get Jail Time
Luis Moreno, the defender for Deportivo Pereira of Colombia's Primara A who kicked an opposing club's pet owl off the field on Sunday, could get up to three months of jail time for the incident. The owl was treated for traumatic stress at Zoosalud veterinary clinic in Barranquilla, Colombia, but die...
American Brutalizes Canada With Sensational Goal In Jamaica
Nathan Smith, defender from California, robbed Canada of its desire to compete and live on Sunday when he scored this incredible goal during extra time of the 2011 CONCACAF U-17 championship in Montego Bay, Jamaica. The goal broke the 450-minute shutout streak of Canadian keeper Maxime Crepeau, wh...
Italian Soccer Team Takes Giant Dump All Over Sportsmanship
Yes, we know that headline sounds redundant. But check out what Lega Pro (third tier) side Foggia pulled off yesterday. Down a goal with five minutes remaining, a Foggia player went down "injured." As is customary, Gela kicked the ball out to give him a chance to recover. But Foggia rushed a throw...
Here's A Soccer Player Kicking A Defenseless Fluffy Owl In The Face
This is a clip from a Sunday match between Junior Barranquilla and Deportivo Pereira of Colombia's Primara A. The owl, which is apparently Junior's club pet, made it on to the field in the middle of play and Pereira defender Luis Moreno swiftly booted it three meters off the field. Moreno hasn't b...
MLS Playoffs To Admit More Good Teams, Bad Teams, Possibly Your Grandmother
Getting into the MLS playoffs this year will be about as difficult as securing admission to the dogshit community college down the road from you. That's because the wise men who run the MLS have decided to let two more crap teams into a playoff system that not only confuses foreign players accustome...
Everything Right With Soccer, In Three Minutes Of Incredible Non-Dives
Technically, Barcelona and Argentina forward Lionel Messi dove a few times, in a literal sense, as he was hip-checked, tripped up and otherwise impeded by lesser talents. Problem is, Messi missed several opportunities to flail about to pad his stat sheet. He is the Best Soccer Player On Earth....
Sepp Blatter Never Met A Disaster He Couldn't Exploit
When we named Sepp Blatter one of the 10 worst men in sports earlier this month, we were being kind. Blatter's repugnance extends well beyond sports. He runs FIFA like a Swiss bank, hoovering up billions of dollars and disbursing them in ways that remain as mysterious as they sound dubious. And all ...
Everything Wrong With Soccer, In One Incredible Dive
Technically, Chilean U20 defender Bryan Carrasco didn't dive, as he was definitely struck by the Ecuadorian player. Problem is, Carrasco literally smacked himself in the face with the other player's arm. He received a free kick....
Gay Poles Want Separate Seating At Euro 2012 Games
Rainbow Stand 2012 (aka Teczowa Trybuna 2012) bills itself as the Polish national soccer team's first gay fan club. And who knows, maybe they are. Per the Warsaw Business Journal, members have asked UEFA for separate seating during the Euro 2012 tournament which will be played in Poland and the Ukr...
Barcelona Players Tripped Up By Language Barrier
The most amusing thing about this jokey dubbed-over video is that it's probably accurate. Ibrahim Affelay is from Holland, the new signing by Barcelona, potentially a good one and clearly not versed in Catalan. Is nobody studying Dutch in grade school anymore?...
Newspaper Actually Photoshops Out Player To Make Play Appear Offside
We take it for granted that our local media outlets are going to be homers, and that's generally fine. We're fans, and we want to get coverage from our perspective. But no one can complain about Hawk Harrelson after seeing how a Spanish paper airbrushed a crucial player from a photo to make an erron...
Ronaldo Wore Diapers? Sure, Why Not.
The recently-retired legend wasn't always Fat Ronaldo. Way back in 1999, he was simply struggling-with-his-weight Ronaldo, allegedly taking diet pills that forced him to wear adult diapers during games....
Chelsea Won't Be Winning The FA Cup, Either
Rough season at Stamford Bridge for the Chelsea Football Club. The Blues are sitting in fifth place in the EPL after winning the league last year. Then came today, when it looked like they had a decent shot to advance to the fifth round of the F.A. Cup after taking a 1-0 lead halfway into extra ti...
Someone Does A Handball, And Everyone Goes Mental
The Spoiler hasn't felt this sorry for a linesperson since Sian Massey's career was stalled thanks to a couple of old sexists and those well-meaning tabloids with their lovely headlines and ability to get pictures off Facebook....