Stan Kroenke takes a victory lap at the expenditure of NFL owners

L.A. Rams owner passes around the donation basket after losing lawsuit to Missouri government

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Stan Kroenke
Stan Kroenke
Image: Getty Images

It’s a well-known fact that Stan Kroenke (*dry heave*) — owner of the Los Angeles Rams, Colorado Avalanche, Denver Nuggets, Arsenal, and various other sports franchises — sucks. From preventing Nuggets fans from watching two Nikola Jokic MVP seasons because he refuses to fix the team’s TV rights deal, to trying to slide Arsenal into the now-abandoned Super League, to donating to Donald Trump, to ruining Dennis Quaid forever, the only redeemable aspect of his existence is blog-post fodder.

Sure, Roger Goodell handed him the Lombardi Trophy after the Rams won the Super Bowl, but no one enjoyed that. It was like watching Jack Dorsey sell Twitter to Elon Musk. Neither of those ignoramuses deserves to be in charge of something that valuable, and yet here they are, sweating all over shit people (sort of) love. I don’t know how you get grease stains into sterling silver, but it’ll take some serious polishing to remove Kroenke’s stank.


The good news for NFL owners is their moral compasses were lost in couch cushions or left on private jets years ago, so they could give a fuck what Kroenke does in his own time. Hell, they might even frequent the same RNC donor meetings.

The bad news, however, is when you get into business with a guy like Kroenke, you don’t just have to tolerate him at annual owners meetings. He’s going to fuck you over simply by being himself. So when the Missouri government announced a lawsuit against the man who neglected St. Louis’ former football team for years until it was putrid enough that few cared when he whisked it back to L.A., the owners had to know his pledge to cover the expenses from the suit was going to come with a catch.


Well, the bill has come due, and the motherfucker who just won the Super Bowl and built a $5 billion stadium isn’t keeping up his end of the deal. The total sum of the settlement being paid out is $790 million, and congrats fellow NFL owners, you all get to chip in to help the cheapskate.

The Athletic reported that the NFL “quietly” took $7.5 million from each team, deducting the money from the league’s revenue-sharing payments, to help cover the cost of the suit. I guess team executives were surprised by the development, which they of course complained about as it caused budgeting issues.


I’m not shocked by Kroenke, or at the owners’ willingness to overlook every other shady thing he’s done with the exception of costing them money. They’re also worried over Kroenke’s ability to return the $235.5 million that would be repaid across the 31 other franchises if the man with the wispy mustache is ordered by the NFL to pay the entire sum.

Normally, I’d be delighted that a bunch of rich guys’ short sightedness cost them millions of dollars — and I still kind of am. Even so, news that Kroenke may go back on his indemnification promise has apparently “bruised feelings.” Hold on, let me see if I can muster up any sympathy for one of the most unsympathetic groups of human beings on the planet.


*Audible grunting*

Nope, nothing, but I’m pretty sure I just sharted.

Mentioned in that Athletic piece is that NFL owners rarely turn on one another. So watch out because, after a few more decades-worth of feet dragging, they might come around to kind of, maybe doing something.


Yeah, I know, I’m not holding my breath either. It’s like GOP infighting; they may seem like they’re not getting along, but when it comes time to vote, they usually toe the line that helps them retain power.

If it took multiple investigations and endless public shamings for the owners to realize that Daniel Snyder might be bad for business, Kroenke is going to have to dine-and-dash several hundred more times before they leave the gun and take the cannolis.