Sweet Lord, Let Him Not Be Kidding

Last week, Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Johnson disappointed us — and pretty much every sports fan we know — by scoring a touchdown and simply handing the ball back to the ref.

If he scores this week against the Bills, uh, he's not gonna make the same mistake. To say the least. When he was asked yesterday if he had a special celebration for Saturday, he said yes, and that it would "have something to do with Christmas." But he was just getting warmed up.

You know there are a lot of deer in the area. Don't laugh. There are a lot of deer in the area of Cincinnati, so if you see a deer come out there, don t say I didn't tell you. I'm serious. I hit him. He's bandaged up, but he's going to come out. Don't laugh. Y'all think I'm playing. Trust me, I've got Rudolph. His nose is red. ... No, on the highway I hit a deer. I kept him. He's at home in the garage. I'm going to use him for the celebration this weekend. He's a prop. They might suspend me for the last game, but I think this one is worth it. He's limping, but he's alive. He's all right. This is going to be the greatest celebration of all-time, man. I actually use an animal. I'll probably get in trouble with the Humane Society, everybody. It wasn't my fault: He ran in the road."

What better way can we say this: If Chad Johnson scores a touchdown on Saturday and celebrates by draping the carcass of a bloody deer he mowed down with his car over his shoulder pads ... our heavens, don't our minds kind of have to just implode right there? Isn't that the only option?

Johnson Hints At New Dance [Cincinnati Enquirer]