1 Page 262 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Holly Holm Annihilates Ronda Rousey, Claims UFC Title
We told you Holly Holm was no match for Ronda Rousey, and the challenger made us look like idiots tonight in Melbourne as Holm knocked out Rousey a minute into the second round with a head kick —ripping the title from who we previously considered the world’s most dominant athlete....
The United States Cap-Tied Two Very Good Dual Nationals Last Night
The United States started off their World Cup Qualifying campaign in St. Louis last night with a 6-1 win against Caribbean minnows St. Vincent and the Grenadines. The result was as expected and there’s nothing substantial to be gleaned from how the team played, aside from the fact that they allowed ...
IAAF Suspends Russia From International Competitions
When the World Anti-Doping Agency published its damning report accusing Russia of running a state-sponsored doping program for international athletes, it asked the International Association of Athletics Federation to ban Russian track and field athletes from international competitions. Today, the IA...
The Only Rule Is Refusal: A Song For Rand Paul
By the end of last night’s debate, Rand Paul had been reduced to smirking and reciting the Real Fiscal Conservatism rulebook—You can’t spend trillions on the military and be a real conservative, so are you a real conservative?—like a five-year-old who’d caught a playmate in the irreconcilable though...
Larry David Makes <i>SNL</i> Return To Play Bernie Sanders Again
Cranky human Larry David reprised his role of a lifetime on Saturday Night Live tonight, and since you enjoyed his turn as Vermont senator and presidential candidate Bernie Sanders last time, we’ll let you argue about how great/awful his impression is down there in the comments again....
Big Fat Fabulist Ben Carson's West Point Story Is Bogus
Republican presidential candidate and hip-hop impresario Ben Carson is full of beans. Possibly he is as much as 82-percent beans! His tales of youthful violence keep changing, his Mannatech disavowal was bogus on its face, and now his story of receiving a full scholarship to the U.S. Military Academ...
A More Honest Version Of Ben Carson's Rap Campaign Ad
As we noted earlier today, Republican presidential candidate Dr. Ben Carson has a rap campaign ad. We found the ad lacking a bit in some of the neurosurgeon’s more intellectual observations, though, and so we made him a new version....
Ben Carson Made A Rap Song For The Blacks
With the 2016 election now just a year away, presidential campaigns are finally getting down to serious business. As Barack Hussein Obama proved seven years back, there are oodles of black people in this country, and some even vote. The blacks are a valuable constituency, so it behooves each preside...
VOTE MARV BUSH 2016
It has been a lousy month for Jeb Bush, gang. He’s running out of cash. His polls numbers are in the shitter. He spends a lot of time now tending to his email. And he appears to be publicly melting into a puddle of tepid lip-sweat before our very eyes, if this tweet is to be believed....
Sad Jeb Bush Is Just Sitting Up At Night, Waiting To Chat About Football With You
Jeb Bush, the former frontrunner for the Republican Presidential nomination, may have finally hit rock bottom. Fresh off his piss-baby performance at the last debate, Jeb has now transformed into your sad uncle who just wishes that he heard from the kids more often....
The Best And Dumbest Meme Is Unfolding On The Panthers' Facebook Page
The Carolina Panthers are 7-0. But here’s something to ponder: what if the undefeated NFC South team was actually ... 6-1?...
Jonny Gomes Gives Obnoxious, Wonderful Victory Speech At Royals' World Series Parade
Jonny Gomes didn’t have a single plate appearance in the Royals’ postseason run, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t preen and shout at the team’s World Series parade today. Give him a hell yeah, brother....
Larry Lessig Was Running For President, Now Isn't
Larry Lessig is a Harvard professor, campaign finance reform activist, and attorney; he is not seeking the Democratic nomination to the 2016 presidential election. That last bit is new, as of yesterday: He was seeking the nomination before that—didn’t you know?—and now he is not. Baby shoes, never w...
Mike Huckabee Goes "Hunting"
On the sweltering plains of humanity’s early days, pre-industrial tribesmen acquired rich animal protein for their diets via persistence hunting. Working carefully in groups—and taking advantage of the stamina, sweat-cooling, and water-carrying advantages humans have over terrestrial ungulates—they ...
Curt Schilling Is Just Going To Pretend He Didn't Say That Thing He Said
Sporadic baseball analyst Curt Schilling tuned in to Game 5 of the World Series last night, and he was really in favor of keeping Mets starter Matt Harvey in for the whole game, until he wasn’t. The progression of tweets is a fun ride....
Jeb Can't Fake A Spleen; The GOP Can't Fake A Candidate
You ask a five-year-old to pretend she is a grownup doing a grown-up job, and she will furrow her brow into a stern expression, scrunch up her little mouth into a tight frown, and speak in a deepened, scolding tone of voice. It does a pretty good—and cute!—job of illustrating how a five-year-old per...
Chris Christie Flips Out On Debate Question About Fantasy Football
Things got testy multiple times at last night’s GOP debate, with the candidates repeatedly going off on the CNBC moderators for asking what they perceived to be biased or inane questions (even as they generally failed to provide substantive answers to the substantive questions). Toward the end, thin...
Your Next Plate Of Meatloaf Is My Treat, Lincoln Chafee
“I have had no scandals,” the ostrich man kept saying. If you angled your head just right, you could hear ... Y’know, in case you had me mixed up with that hiking-the-Appalachian-Trail fella wafting along on the breeze of his breath....
Here's Your Ridiculously Early 2016 Oscar Preview
The next Academy Awards will be hosted by Chris Rock and will be held on February 28, 2016. That is 130 days from now. By then, the Iowa caucus, and the New Hampshire and South Carolina primaries, will be over. The Super Bowl will be a fading memory. Selection Sunday will be two weeks away. It is a ...
Texans Owner Donates $10,000 To Houston Group Opposing Anti-Discrimination Law
On Nov. 3, Houston residents will vote on Proposition 1, a proposed ordinance that would help protect people from discrimination at work, in public, and in the housing market. A major opponent of Proposition 1 is the Campaign for Houston PAC, a group that produced a campaign commercial in which form...