2 Page 308 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
VOTE MARV BUSH 2016
It has been a lousy month for Jeb Bush, gang. He’s running out of cash. His polls numbers are in the shitter. He spends a lot of time now tending to his email. And he appears to be publicly melting into a puddle of tepid lip-sweat before our very eyes, if this tweet is to be believed....
Sad Jeb Bush Is Just Sitting Up At Night, Waiting To Chat About Football With You
Jeb Bush, the former frontrunner for the Republican Presidential nomination, may have finally hit rock bottom. Fresh off his piss-baby performance at the last debate, Jeb has now transformed into your sad uncle who just wishes that he heard from the kids more often....
Jonny Gomes Gives Obnoxious, Wonderful Victory Speech At Royals' World Series Parade
Jonny Gomes didn’t have a single plate appearance in the Royals’ postseason run, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t preen and shout at the team’s World Series parade today. Give him a hell yeah, brother....
Larry Lessig Was Running For President, Now Isn't
Larry Lessig is a Harvard professor, campaign finance reform activist, and attorney; he is not seeking the Democratic nomination to the 2016 presidential election. That last bit is new, as of yesterday: He was seeking the nomination before that—didn’t you know?—and now he is not. Baby shoes, never w...
Mike Huckabee Goes "Hunting"
On the sweltering plains of humanity’s early days, pre-industrial tribesmen acquired rich animal protein for their diets via persistence hunting. Working carefully in groups—and taking advantage of the stamina, sweat-cooling, and water-carrying advantages humans have over terrestrial ungulates—they ...
Curt Schilling Is Just Going To Pretend He Didn't Say That Thing He Said
Sporadic baseball analyst Curt Schilling tuned in to Game 5 of the World Series last night, and he was really in favor of keeping Mets starter Matt Harvey in for the whole game, until he wasn’t. The progression of tweets is a fun ride....
Jeb Can't Fake A Spleen; The GOP Can't Fake A Candidate
You ask a five-year-old to pretend she is a grownup doing a grown-up job, and she will furrow her brow into a stern expression, scrunch up her little mouth into a tight frown, and speak in a deepened, scolding tone of voice. It does a pretty good—and cute!—job of illustrating how a five-year-old per...
Chris Christie Flips Out On Debate Question About Fantasy Football
Things got testy multiple times at last night’s GOP debate, with the candidates repeatedly going off on the CNBC moderators for asking what they perceived to be biased or inane questions (even as they generally failed to provide substantive answers to the substantive questions). Toward the end, thin...
Watch This Harrowing Documentary About The Working Conditions In Qatar
Sometimes it’s easy to get wrapped up in FIFA’s more bureaucratic forms of corruption and forget that the biggest crime by far that soccer’s governing body has committed was aiding and abetting the workplace atrocities that are so prevalent in Qatar....
Your Next Plate Of Meatloaf Is My Treat, Lincoln Chafee
“I have had no scandals,” the ostrich man kept saying. If you angled your head just right, you could hear ... Y’know, in case you had me mixed up with that hiking-the-Appalachian-Trail fella wafting along on the breeze of his breath....
Germany's Explanation For Their World Cup Bribery Scandal Makes No Sense
Last week, the German soccer association (DFB) was rocked by allegations that they had bribed four FIFA executives in exchange for the hosting rights for the 2006 World Cup. Today, the head of the DFB gave a press conference to address the allegations. He did not do much to clear things up....
Here's Your Ridiculously Early 2016 Oscar Preview
The next Academy Awards will be hosted by Chris Rock and will be held on February 28, 2016. That is 130 days from now. By then, the Iowa caucus, and the New Hampshire and South Carolina primaries, will be over. The Super Bowl will be a fading memory. Selection Sunday will be two weeks away. It is a ...
Happy Trails Jim Webb, You Shiny-Eyed Jackanape
Jim Webb ended his presidential campaign yesterday. “Presidential” looks weird in that sentence, doesn’t it? Wait ... he was campaigning for President?...
Kevin Johnson Will Not Run For Third Term As Sacramento Mayor
Kevin Johnson announced late Tuesday that he won’t be running for a third term as mayor of Sacramento. ...
2016 Presidential Campaign Merch, Ranked
From $1,000 copies of the Constitution to $75 guacamole bowls to “Grillary Clinton” aprons, the world of presidential campaign merchandise is a strange one, and nowhere is that clearer than on the internet, where some of our illustrious candidates have launched merch stores that come in every degree...
Kevin Johnson Wants Certain People To Not Talk About Kevin Johnson
It’s no secret that Kevin Johnson wants certain girls and women to keep what they have to say about him to themselves. Some of what the former NBA superstar and current scandal-magnet mayor of Sacramento, Calif. is willing to do to convince them is well-known; some less so. The more that comes to li...
Report: Germany May Have Bribed Its Way To Hosting 2006 World Cup
According a bombshell report out of Germany, there’s growing evidence to suggest that soccer officials there paid off four FIFA executives in exchange for their votes backing Germany’s 2006 World Cup hosting bid, and that FIFA helped launder the money....
Astros Bullpen Catcher Gives Away Gear After Being Eliminated By Royals
A fan at Kauffman Stadium posted photos on Facebook which show Astros bullpen catcher Javier Bracamonte giving away baseballs and his gear to fans after Wednesday night’s loss to the Royals....
No, Seriously, Dissolve The United States
Ronald Reagan’s Secretary of the Navy, a Republican Senator, and Hillary Clinton walk into a bar. Bartender looks them over and says, “Christ, this is 60 percent of the Democratic presidential campaign field? You motherfuckers make Richard Nixon look like Leon Trotsky.” Then Jim Webb knifes him, bec...
Curt Schilling Has A Democratic Debate Take For You
There will be a lot of takes on tonight’s Democratic debate. Here’s the one that matters....