6 Page 99 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Pistons Are Voiding A Three-Way Trade, And It Has Hilarious Consequences
One of the “bigger” NBA trades from the snooze-fest of a trade deadline was a three-way deal among Detroit, Houston, and Philadelphia. This is how the trade looked: ...
Jeb Bush Is Not A Joke; He's A Sack Of Shit
Jeb Bush finally—fucking finally—dropped out of the Republican primary campaign over the weekend, by my reckoning at least a few months later than observable reality said he should. Nobody wanted him to be president. Possibly he himself did not really want to be president, so much as he wanted not t...
Rio Has Given Up On Its Goal To Clean Up The Water In Time For The Olympics
When bidding to host the 2016 Summer Olympics, Rio de Janeiro promised the International Olympics Committee that it would eliminate 80 percent of the sewage found in the city’s notoriously filthy water, and would fully regenerate the lagoon in which rowing and kayaking events will be held. Now a few...
The U.S. Olympic Marathon Team: BFFs, A Woman With A Plan, The Hero, Rupp, And A Guy Named Jared
The Olympic Marathon Trials have been tried and decided. By finishing in the top three, your 2016 Olympic marathoners are Galen Rupp, Meb Keflezighi and Jared Ward on the men’s side, and Amy Cragg, Des Linden, and Shalane Flanagan on the women’s. Should one of those Mister or Miss Americas be unable...
Lifelong Failure Carly Fiorina Does What She Does Best
If Carly Fiorina’s life were a television series, last Wednesday’s season finale would have occasioned a lot of groaning about lazy formulas. Really? Another season ending with Carly an utter abject failure, and the people who worked for her unemployed? For chrissakes, House was more unpredictable t...
The Sixers Realize They're A Big Joke, Are Now Maybe Trying To Fix That
The Philadelphia 76ers, those smirking pioneers of a remarkably misguided, anti-fun, actuarial, game theory-ass approach to NBA basketball, are now starting to realize that you can’t exactly build a winning basketball team while ignoring, well, the basketball. Back in December, the NBA more or less ...
Sage Steele Cuts Off Arcade Fire Singer Win Butler's Attempt To Talk About Health Care
Win Butler won the MVP trophy at today’s Celebrity All-Star game in Toronto, and the Arcade Fire frontman used his post-game interview with Sage Steele to suggest that the U.S. could learn a few things from Canada this election year. Steele wasn’t having anything of it, shutting Butler down with a “...
Holy Shit, Christen Press's First Touch Will Make Your Knees Buckle
Oh my god look at this first touch from Christen Press. She doesn’t just expertly control a cross whipped into her, but no-look uses the outside of her foot (her heel?!) to gently drop the ball just a few feet in beside her to wheel around and smash home. It should be illegal to be this skilled and ...
Rand Paul Was Always Bullshit
Rand Paul dropped out of the Republican presidential campaign after he came up shy of five percent in the Iowa caucus. This must have been a tremendous disappointment to ... well, nobody....
Bernie Sanders Is On Fire ... From One Specific Spot On The Floor
Killing time before votes from the New Hampshire primary started trickling in, Bernie Sanders showed off some of the skill that helped his Brooklyn elementary school win the borough championship. I’d make a joke here, but that’s bigger than any basketball accomplishment I have....
Gregg Popovich Is Dismayed With The New Hampshire Primary Results
Gregg Popovich gave his usual surly in-game interview, but then David Aldridge asked a question that intrigued him: did Pop want to know the results of tonight’s primaries in New Hampshire? Yes, yes he did....
Farewell To Viral Internet Man Rick Santorum
Once upon a time, Rick Santorum was an ambitious young legislator whose considerable oratorical skills and policy fluency existed in unsteady balance with social views that make St. Paul look like Aleister Crowley. Now he is a slang term for the frothy mix of lube and shit that sometimes is a byprod...
GOP Candidates Offer Super Bowl Predictions In Meaningless, Waste-Of-Time Debate Question
Tonight’s GOP primary debate in New Hampshire has succeeded despite itself as candidates attack each other while ABC moderators stand by, barely acknowledging their non-answers to the question prompts. One of those questions? “Who’s going to win tomorrow’s Super Bowl?” (None of the candidates offere...
Dead Letters: Sixers Beat Warriors Edition
This past Saturday, the reigning NBA champion Golden State Warriors blew a 24-point lead to the lowly Philadelphia 76ers, needing a last-second Harrison Barnes three-pointer to dispatch the Association’s most consistently-pathetic team. In a season full of Warriors blowout wins, allowing that kind o...
Is DeRay's Run For Mayor The Next Step For Black Lives Matter?
Wednesday night, just minutes before the deadline, the 30-year-old civil rights activist DeRay Mckesson filed to run for mayor of his hometown of Baltimore, and, in coordination with the The Baltimore Sun, Washington Post, and The New York Times, announced his campaign on Medium. The announcement, w...
Mike Huckabee's Campaign Charade Is Over, So That His Other Charades Might Continue
Driving south on Interstate 95 through Maryland, eventually you come to the I-495 interchange near College Park. If you stay on I-95, then for the next little while, you also are on I-495, the Capital Beltway; the routes are concurrent, sharing the same physical road. Farther along, in Springfield, ...
Martin O'Malley, A Stock Photo Of A Handsome Man, Ends His Presidential Bid
Generic man Martin O’Malley ended his campaign for the Democratic presidential nomination last night. The Iowa caucus was rough on the former Baltimore mayor and Maryland governor: Once poll-workers sorted out the caucus-goers who thought they were standing in line to get their photo taken with “tha...
Olympic Marathon Trials: The Victory Lap For Pretty Darn Good Runners
Of the 259 women and 217 men who qualified for the U.S. Olympic Marathon Trials, only about 10 in each field have an honest chance at finishing in the top three and going to Rio. But hundreds or even thousands more arranged the past four years of their lives around running a marathon or half-maratho...
The 1966 Pro Bowl Halftime Show Featured A Goose-Stepping Swastika Being Eaten By A Church
If you’re unversed on decades-old Pro Bowls, you’d be forgiven for thinking Fall Out Boy’s 2014 performance was the most offensive halftime show in the history of the NFL’s all-star game. But no! The 1967 Pro Bowl “The Taming Of The West” halftime show featured a tribute to Indian massacres, as note...