a Page 8236 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
We're Sorry, But For Wearing Arroyo's Haircut To School, He Deserves Execution, Not Suspension
Student Suspended For Wearing Arroyo Haircut To School [Boston Herald]...
Lousy Closer Spurs T-Shirt Sales
Danny Graves, the firestarter who was designated for assignment by the Reds yesterday, continues to inspire considerable consternation from his supporters and his detractors. Strangely, his biggest boosters seem to be the teammates whose lives he has made miserable all season; Cincy social climbe...
More Cartoon Idiocy at ESPN
"Episode Two" of "Off-Mikes" — the visual interpretation of Mike Greenberg's and Mike Golic's morning show — has premiered on ESPN.com. As usual, it's just a bunch of ADD animation with a couple of buffoon figures doing slapstick. A legitimate question: Who in the world likes this crap? We don't ...
Baseball Prospectus Nerds Make Our Head Explode
We love the Baseball Prospectus guys. They're fun, they're smart, they're scrappy and they're usually right. But sometimes they exhaust us. In a story about the offensive explosion of the last decade (subscription required), they produce the above graph....
Mike Piazza Goes (Log Cabin?) Republican
That photo to the contrary, we now have definitive evidence that Mike Piazza is not, in fact, gay: He loves Rush Limbaugh. Upon spotting Limbaugh at Turner Field yesterday, Piazza — whose brother is head of the Montgomery County, Pa. Republican Party — stepped away from pregame warmups to shake L...
David Letterman: Nascar Dad
Like any right-minded American male between the ages of 24 and 54, we grew up loving David Letterman. And native Indianaian Letterman grew up loving the Indianapolis 500, culminating in his co-ownership of the Bobby Rahul Racing Team, which employs hot commodity Danica Patrick in this weekend's r...
The Notorious Punter
Todd Sauerbrun has always made a little too much news for a punter. It started when the Bears made him a second-round draft pick, which was a totally good idea, really. Then he was accused of taking steroids prescribed by Panthers team doctors. Then he was involved in some hot punter-on-punter tr...
Tyrone Calico: Parking Novice
Any teenage boy could tell you the importance of parking. When your parents won't leave the house and you can't afford a hotel, the only place you can make out with girls is in your car. There are some key rules, though:...
Spurs Fans Can't Even Rap Right
It seems only fitting that the San Antonio Spurs — who always seem like the least NBA-like team in the NBA, which is probably why they're always winning — would have fans who are overly earnest, kinda dopey and completely lacking any funk whatsoever. Witness this rap song/video called "To The Ban...
Page 3 Brain Cell Destroyer Of The Day
Page 3 continues its slow, underfunded, rotting flop toward death they have to be averaging like three stories a week with an interview with Jon Bon Jovi. The dramatically maned one talks about ownership of AFL's Philadelphia Soul (his co-owner is Ron Jaworski!), his gripping performance in NBC's...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while dangling from a tree in your parachute ... Pistons go up 1-0 on Heat. As it turns out, Shaq still has some parts on back order.Anastasia Myskina ousted in French Open. The good news: You've never liked women's tennis. Danica Patrick on Letterman: Female Indy qualifier has cab c...
Boobs. Is There Anything Else Newsworthy?
You didn't think we'd ignore this all day, did you? The New York Post features a sports column today from the only person who knows less about the NBA than Peter Vescey: Anna Benson! The wife of overpaid Mets righthander Kris Benson penned the first of what will hopefully be millions of NY Post d...
Bill Simmons Changes Format For 5,234th Time
You know what we admire about Bill Simmons? His rock-solid consistency. Once again, Bill is explaining to us again why his site updates with the regularity of a malfunctioning strobe light. Supposedly — and this was a little confusing — Bill's going to post short items on More Cowbell (exactly th...
To Watch Tonight ...
What To Watch Tonight Instead Of Chuckling At Soldiers Glaring At Nick Lachey: Game 1: Pistons at Heat: Little men make Shaq mad! Shaq crush little men! White Sox at Angels: The game will be played somewhere in the Los Angeles area. We're not allowed to say exactly where. Pirates at Cardinals: If Bo...
Isiah Finally Turns To The WNBA
You know it had to happen eventually. Isiah Thomas, whose plan seems to be to single-handedly rampage everything he comes across, Godzilla-like, is now looking for coach candidates from the WNBA. According to the Newark Star-Ledger (that's the paper with Jimmy Hoffa buried underneath), Bill Laimb...
Breaking News From The Couch
ESPN resident lunatic Stephen A. Smith reports that 76ers coach Jim O'Brien has been fired by the 76ers. We had this news first, because we can type faster than the drones at ESPN.com....
Leftovers: Jim Brown, Lacrosse Man
Look out! Jim Brown has a stick! Evidently, the greatest running back ever was even better at lacrosse. [Associated Press] Firms go all-in to buy NHL. $4 billion offer does not include Phoenix Coyotes. [Eklund's Hockey Rumors] CSI: Hattiesburg: Conference USA and Big 12 football considers using inst...
In Praise Of The Guy Who Ruined Sports
Marvin Miller is essentially the guy who invented free agency. He demanded player's rights, he fought for pensions, he made the players' union among the most powerful unions on the planet. Gee, thanks, dick. All-baseball.com's Peter Handrinos argues that Miller should be in the Hall of Fame. Handrin...
Bo Bice: The New Reggie Miller
Those looking for next "clutch" player to replace Reggie "Never Won A Title But Am Somehow Considered The Best Crunch Time Guy Ever" Miller should turn their eyes away from the court and toward lousy FOX reality television, says Flak's Bob Cook in his weekly "Bring Out The Sports!" column. (We re...
Just Thinking Out Loud Here ...
Major congrats to the Montclair (N.J.) High School softball team, which scored two major upsets to advance to the Essex County finals Saturday night before falling to Caldwell High 1-0 in eight innings. Caitlyn Bishop, you're doing one incredible job as Mary Beth King's heir in the circle. This team...