abe Page 31 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Red Sox Broadcasters Don Orsillo And Jerry Remy Cannot Figure Out How A Lightsaber Works
NESN's Red Sox broadcast team of Don Orsillo and Jerry Remy show up often in these parts, usually due to their inability to hold themselves together due to some wacky fans in the stands. Today's meltdown was self-imposed, as a toy lightsaber that found its way to the broadcast booth (owing to yet...
Synchronized Swimmers In Wolf Bathing Suits? Synchronized Swimmers In Wolf Bathing Suits
Meet Isabel Delgado Plancarte and Nuria Diosdado Garcia. They are a pair of Olympic synchronized swimmers from Mexico, and they both have rad wolves on their bathing suits because wolves are totally rad and fucking bad ass....
Kris And Anna Benson To Divorce After 13 Irritating Years
If a boring overpaid retired major leaguer and a crazy former stripper can't make it, what chance do the rest of us have? Kris Benson and Anna Benson, overhyped sports power couple of all overhyped sports power couples, have decided that this is it: after 13 years of marriage, it's divorce time....
This Summer League Dunk Required Massive Balls
You may never hear the name Angelo Sharpless again, but for two seconds and an eternity on Youtube, he was The Man. He plays guard for DII Elizabeth City State University, and pulled off this massive throwdown at the Ben Wallace Pro-Am league in Richmond, Va. (Like all summer league dunk videos, i...
Why Aaron Cook And His Two Strikeouts Are A Nightmare For Sabermetrics
Aaron Cook, who's now pitching in Boston after years with the Rockies, is doing something amazing this year. Cook has pitched 29.2 innings and struck out two batters. Two. (Both came in one start against the Mariners, naturally, and one was—again, naturally—Chone Figgins.)...
Canada Beats United States In Football, Local Weekend Guy Defensively Sneers At Canada
Oooh Canada, you think you're so big and tough with your two straight victories over American, likely Division-I recruit high school players, don't you? Well guess what? You're still from Canada and say "eh" all the time, so stuff it. When did you guys have time to learn football between all the ic...
Tom Cruise Vs. Werner Herzog And Adventures In Perilous White People Tourism: It's Time For Trailer Hitch
The summer movie world is in a bit of a lull right now: Spider-Man showed up in time for July 4, Savages sneaked in just under the "Blake Lively Being Double Teamed-Themed Festivus Day" holiday wire and now everyone's slowing their roll for a couple of weeks until The Dark Knight Rises opens. Which ...
Abe Sauer Is A Dishonest Cretin: A Note From The Editors Of Deadspin
Yesterday, in a post we published about an unfolding scandal in the Indoor Football League, we inadvertently left out a link, which made it appear that a quote from the Argus-Leader of Sioux Falls had instead come from KELO....
The Indoor Football League is Delightfully Dysfunctional
The last time we heard about the Indoor Football League was when Terrell Owens got cut by the Allen Wranglers for basically being Terrell Owens. Now comes news that the Omaha Beef—and isn't that the best nickname ever?—will miss the playoffs because of what the IFL's interim commissioner called "ex...
Ukraine Solves Its Alcoholic Bear Problem Just In Time For Euro 2012 (Also, Ukraine Had A Problem With Alcoholic Bears)
Some of you may not know this, but Ukraine has a bit of a problem with drunk bears. They call them "vodka bears" because they were given vodka and forced to dance as a means of entertainment at local hotels and restaurants. Last August, efforts were made to stop the practice, but now I guess they h...
"Sabermetrics" Was A Word In The Scripps National Spelling Bee
The Scripps National Spelling Bee, which alongside poker, cheerleading, and hot dog eating constitute the E for Entertainment in ESPN, featured an actual sports word in the third preliminary round of its competition today in Washington, D.C. as "sabermetrics" made its appearance....
David Wells Is Selling The Signed Babe Ruth Yankee Hat He Once Wore In A Game
David Wells says he's not in any financial trouble, he's just tired of keeping track of all the various bits of memorabilia he owns. Among the artifacts he's getting rid of is the signed Babe Ruth Yankee hat he wore in the first inning of a game on June 28, 1997 at the house his hat's previous owne...
This Is What Happens When You Accuse A Notre Dame Football Player Of Sexually Assaulting You
Last week, the National Catholic Reporter published a lengthy piece on reported sexual assaults at Notre Dame. Its fulcrum is the case involving Lizzy Seeberg, a 19-year-old freshman at nearby St. Mary's College who committed suicide in September 2010, just 10 days after she was allegedly sexually a...
Diego Maradona Got Into A Fight With U.A.E.-League Fans, Allegedly Over His Girlfriend
Argentine soccer legend Diego Maradona has been off the international radar somewhat since accepting the manager position of Al Wasl FC in the U.A.E. football league last year. Al Wasl hasn't done a whole lot under his leadership, either—they currently sit in sixth place in the 12-team league....
Today In An Angry White Guy Totally Tried To Crash A Bus When It Missed His Stop News
"According to deputies Robert Galantine, 49, grabbed the steering wheel twice while the bus was moving in an apparent attempt to get the driver to exit the freeway. Galantine reportedly believed the driver was supposed to exit and demanded he get off the freeway, Chacon told the OC Register. During...
<i>Silent House</i> And The Rise Of The Gimmicky Horror Movie
On Friday, the horror movie Silent House comes out. One of its selling points is that it stars Elizabeth Olsen—who was terrific last year in a very different sort of horror film, Martha Marcy May Marlene—but probably the hook that will be most intriguing to genre fans is that the whole movie takes p...
Twin Sisters Are Iditarod Racers
We don't get much Iditarod coverage around these parts, so thank you to tipster Brandon for sending this along. Anna and Kristy Berington are Wisconsin natives living in Alaska. Above all else, they are trailblazing dog racers. As you read this they are probably mushing their way through the Alaska...
Some Dude From Brooklyn Who Thinks He's A Jedi Master Is Whining About His Light Saber Getting Stolen
"The Bedford-Stuyvesant engineer was at a Myrtle Avenue bar last fall when a thief snatched what Obi-Wan Kenobi once described as 'an elegant weapon for a more civilized age' - a $400 custom sword Michael used to teach young Jedi honor and self-esteem. 'Who steals somebody's light saber? It's like ...
ESPN Reports That Mike Vrabel Is Now Black And Filipino-American
So says ESPN's player page about the retired Steelers, Patriots, and Chiefs linebacker, who looks an awful lot like Browns wide receiver Jordan Norwood, who is black and Filipino-American. At least Vrabel's lost some weight. [ESPN Player Stats, h/t Emil and Aaron]...
Roy Hibbert Is Tired Of People Asking If He's Hasheem Thabeet
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Hibbert also talks his Parks and Recreation cameo....