abe Page 31 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Asian Football Confederation Does Racist Thing, Blames Wikipedia
An article recently appeared on the Asian Football Confederation's website that referred to the United Arab Emirates' national soccer team as the "Sand Monkeys." That's a really racist thing to do, in case you didn't know....
Cranky Columnist Writes Anti-Stats Column That Reads Like Parody Of Anti-Stats Columns
Chaz Scoggins has been around. The longtime Lowell Sun writer has served as the Red Sox's official scorer for 34 years. He's been a SABR member for nearly as long. He even served as president of the BBWAA. But his hidden talent appears to be master satirist. How else to explain his weekend column, w...
A Grieving Rex Ryan Believes That If The Jets Make The Super Bowl, Darrelle Revis's Knee Could Be Ready
Which stage of grief is denial? Right, that's Stage 1. On Monday, when a really, really sad Rex Ryan announced that Darrelle Revis had indeed torn his ACL, the Jets coach said he wanted to talk to his star cornerback before putting him on season-ending injured reserve....
When Good Statistics Go Bad: The Case Against The Case Against R.A. Dickey
R.A. Dickey, objectively speaking, is the greatest human being in history. His knuckleball destroys cities and he climbed a huge fucking mountain. But should he win the Cy Young Award?...
![ESPN Personality Rob Parker Pissed Off Every Intelligent Baseball Fan On The Internet Today [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/180cczvkj8iyqpng.png)
ESPN Personality Rob Parker Pissed Off Every Intelligent Baseball Fan On The Internet Today [UPDATE]
Do you know who Rob Parker is? You probably don't because there's really nothing special about Rob Parker. He currently exists as a member of ESPN's stable of chuckleheads who are periodically rotated into duty on First Take, where their main job is to sit there and let Skip Bayless do his thing....
Pythagoras, Meet Hippocrates: Kevin Gregg's Season Was The Opposite Of Lucky
This afternoon, the Baltimore Orioles released reliever Kevin Gregg. On Tuesday, the team had designated him for assignment. That night, they went out and beat the Tampa Bay Rays 9-2, moving into a tie for first place in the American League East. They beat Tampa Bay again the next night, and again ...
The Good, The Bad And The Smugly. <em>Lawless</em>, Reviewed.
1. It is strange to consider the fact that Shia LaBeouf considers Lawless an art film. Only a guy who has spent his adult life standing in front of a green screen while Michael Bay screams "I dunno, just, like, run like crazy, and shit" could consider Lawless some sort of higher, refined form of exp...
Shia LaBeouf Wants You To Take Him Seriously
Being successful sure is nice, but what everybody really wants is to be taken seriously. Whether it's Woody Allen following up Annie Hall with the dour Interiors, George Michael turning away from the pop stardom of Faith for the confessional Listen Without Prejudice Vol. 1, or Robin Williams decidin...
Bryce Harper's Advice To Children: "Losing's Not Fun" And "Be As Sexy As You Can"
Bryce Harper is giving back. He hosted a baseball clinic yesterday, and it turned out to be a pretty big story in the D.C. area. Yeah, yeah, the camp was free for more than 200 children. Right, right, Harper was swell enough to swing by on his day off. OK, OK, Harper presented a giant check to a loc...
Red Sox Broadcasters Don Orsillo And Jerry Remy Cannot Figure Out How A Lightsaber Works
NESN's Red Sox broadcast team of Don Orsillo and Jerry Remy show up often in these parts, usually due to their inability to hold themselves together due to some wacky fans in the stands. Today's meltdown was self-imposed, as a toy lightsaber that found its way to the broadcast booth (owing to yet...
Synchronized Swimmers In Wolf Bathing Suits? Synchronized Swimmers In Wolf Bathing Suits
Meet Isabel Delgado Plancarte and Nuria Diosdado Garcia. They are a pair of Olympic synchronized swimmers from Mexico, and they both have rad wolves on their bathing suits because wolves are totally rad and fucking bad ass....
Kris And Anna Benson To Divorce After 13 Irritating Years
If a boring overpaid retired major leaguer and a crazy former stripper can't make it, what chance do the rest of us have? Kris Benson and Anna Benson, overhyped sports power couple of all overhyped sports power couples, have decided that this is it: after 13 years of marriage, it's divorce time....
This Summer League Dunk Required Massive Balls
You may never hear the name Angelo Sharpless again, but for two seconds and an eternity on Youtube, he was The Man. He plays guard for DII Elizabeth City State University, and pulled off this massive throwdown at the Ben Wallace Pro-Am league in Richmond, Va. (Like all summer league dunk videos, i...
Why Aaron Cook And His Two Strikeouts Are A Nightmare For Sabermetrics
Aaron Cook, who's now pitching in Boston after years with the Rockies, is doing something amazing this year. Cook has pitched 29.2 innings and struck out two batters. Two. (Both came in one start against the Mariners, naturally, and one was—again, naturally—Chone Figgins.)...
Canada Beats United States In Football, Local Weekend Guy Defensively Sneers At Canada
Oooh Canada, you think you're so big and tough with your two straight victories over American, likely Division-I recruit high school players, don't you? Well guess what? You're still from Canada and say "eh" all the time, so stuff it. When did you guys have time to learn football between all the ic...
Tom Cruise Vs. Werner Herzog And Adventures In Perilous White People Tourism: It's Time For Trailer Hitch
The summer movie world is in a bit of a lull right now: Spider-Man showed up in time for July 4, Savages sneaked in just under the "Blake Lively Being Double Teamed-Themed Festivus Day" holiday wire and now everyone's slowing their roll for a couple of weeks until The Dark Knight Rises opens. Which ...
Abe Sauer Is A Dishonest Cretin: A Note From The Editors Of Deadspin
Yesterday, in a post we published about an unfolding scandal in the Indoor Football League, we inadvertently left out a link, which made it appear that a quote from the Argus-Leader of Sioux Falls had instead come from KELO....
The Indoor Football League is Delightfully Dysfunctional
The last time we heard about the Indoor Football League was when Terrell Owens got cut by the Allen Wranglers for basically being Terrell Owens. Now comes news that the Omaha Beef—and isn't that the best nickname ever?—will miss the playoffs because of what the IFL's interim commissioner called "ex...
Ukraine Solves Its Alcoholic Bear Problem Just In Time For Euro 2012 (Also, Ukraine Had A Problem With Alcoholic Bears)
Some of you may not know this, but Ukraine has a bit of a problem with drunk bears. They call them "vodka bears" because they were given vodka and forced to dance as a means of entertainment at local hotels and restaurants. Last August, efforts were made to stop the practice, but now I guess they h...
"Sabermetrics" Was A Word In The Scripps National Spelling Bee
The Scripps National Spelling Bee, which alongside poker, cheerleading, and hot dog eating constitute the E for Entertainment in ESPN, featured an actual sports word in the third preliminary round of its competition today in Washington, D.C. as "sabermetrics" made its appearance....