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Pat Bowlen To Cutler: JUST GO AWAY, YOU STUPID BABY
Actually it was a bit more reasonable than that — but just as emphatic. So which team will snag Jay Cutler? [DenverPost]...

Who Is This Dashing Soccer Player, And Why Is He Using His Hands?
Hint: He now makes millions playing a different sport, and once dated Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Biel. Yes, it's Derek Jeter, whose mom once again forgot to bring the post-game orange slices....

Alyssa Milano Admits To Prematurely Hopping On/In Bed With the Carl Pavano Bandwagon
"This was right after he won the World Series. So he was kind of baseball royalty. It was before he came to the Yankees...and became the Carl Pavano you know." [HHR]...

Schilling Finally Talks About His Retirement ... On A Video Game Site
Pitcher waited for Game Developers Conference in San Francisco to announce his decision, because he didn't want to deal with "the phone ringing off the hook. It was just a natural fit." [Sports Radio Interviews.com]...

This Man Will Absolutely Destroy You On The Mat
Congenital amputee, Kyle Maynard, to fight in MMA match? Sure. Why not. April 25,2009. In Auburn, Alabama at "Auburn Fight Night." Screw the laws of nature. Good for you, Kyle. [MMA Fighting.co]...

Tommy Lasorda Can Do This Interview In His Sleep
Tommy Lasorda has an impressive amount of energy for a man his age, but he does seem a little lethargic in this interview—and by lethargic, I mean, he can barely hold his own head up....

What Madonna Song Had A-Rod Freaking Out To The Details Magazine Writer?
It wasn't long after Alex Rodriguez had completed his interview with Details magazine writer Jason Gay that he began having second thoughts about something he said. Was it about steroids? That goofy photo shoot? Um, no....

ESPN's EIC Takes Pride In Candace Parker Cover, Boob Lede
WNBA.com caught up with ESPN The Mag EIC Gary Belsky to discuss the cover story on Candace Parker and that infamous "C cup" lede that's gotten some people fired up...

Carter Gaddis' New Blog Is Off To A Rousing Start
Our only regret is that he didn't live to witness Subway's "Five-Dollar Foot-Long" ad campaign. Here's the late Geremi Gonzalez and his classic penis prank, brought to you via Tampa Bay Baseball Outsider....

Book Excerpts That Might Suck: 'Straw, Finding My Way'
Darryl Strawberry has a book coming out in April, which makes this a good time for him to comment on steroids. Right? Hey, couldn't hurt sales....

Here Are Your Juicy Details From The Kendra Wilkinson Media Blitz
The lovely Kendra Wilkinson has been more ubiquitous than ever this week, showing up on multiple radio shows and a People Magazine interview. Highlight: WFAN asked her who was better in bed; Hef, or Hank Baskett?...

Skip Bayless Poised To Aggravate Troy Aikman All Over Again
Before he was a professional devil's advocate on ESPN's morning yap programs, Skip Bayless was a semi-successful writer. And his ink-stained career is probably best remembered for pissing the shit out of Troy Aikman....

25 Random Things About Rick Reilly. Really.
Rick Reilly detests blogs, but loves Facebook apparently. Oh, and posting on his own blog (not a blog!) "Go Fish" where he publishes "occasional and random mind dumps from the brain of Rick Reilly."...

About Last Night
What you missed while taking your best gal out for a night on the town......

Antonio Bryant Mouths Off About ESPN Because Some Suggested He Mouthed Off A Lot
Antonio Bryant had a brilliant performance Monday night when he tallied 200 yards receiving, two touchdowns and an amazing one-handed end zone catch that sent Mike Tirico's heart aflutter. The 5-year wideout is enjoying a career year for the Bucaneers, after brief, unsuccessful stints with the Cowbo...

Drew Rosenhaus Is A Master At The Art of Circumlocution
The Deadspin Morning Video Wake Up Call will return through the holidays. If you have any suggested videos to fill this space, email us. Subject: Morning Video Wake Up Call....

Wait ... Is That The Tampa Bay Rays Music?!
What you missed while witnessing nature's classic battle between deer and poodle ... • World Series: Rays win 4-2 as it becomes inevitable this thing is going 7 games ... [NBCSports] • College football: (Noel) Devine intervention ... West Virginia comeback beats Auburn [USA Today] • NBA: That'll be ...

What Are The Odds That It Was A Shirtless Matthew McConaghey Who Took This Picture?
What you missed while filling your pants with delicious shrimp ... • World Series: Less cowbell, more Lidge ... Phillies take 1-0 series lead. [NBCSports] • NFL: Is Mike Holmgren headed to the 49ers? Well, he is this weekend, anyway. [USA Today] • NHL: Flyers fans thrilled with Roenick's return; Fly...

Um ... Go, Vikings?
What you missed while contemplating other uses for your banana holder ... • NBA: Kobe Bryant's season with the Lakers has started swimmingly [NBCSports] • NFL: Cowboys fans to get another generous helping of Tony Romo on Sunday [USA Today] • NHL: Hey, let's all get a Barry Melrose Mohawk! [The Sport...

Sarah Palin Booed At Flyers Game, Did Not Take Battery To The Face
The GOP's vice presidential nominee was in the hizzy for the Flyers' opener last night. The chorus of boos that began as soon as she was seen were blasted out by some loud music and (some have said) artificial crowd noise. Palin walked onto the ice before the start of the game to help drop the cerem...