ac Page 1157 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
About Last Night
What you missed while inventing the bacon bra ... • NFL: No matter how many times you kill him, Brett Favre simply will not go away. • College basketball: The Biggest Loser ... Ohio State wins NIT. • Tennis: It goes to 11 ... Roddick finally beats Federer....
Stephen Curry's Mom...The Early Years
Davidson fans are overjoyed that guard Stephen Curry will not parlay his NCAA tournament popularity into a lucrative NBA contract. One other perk for school will be that his mother, Sonya, will also be in attendance next year, doing wonders for their national television coverage and alumni associati...
Benny The Bull Will Put A Cap In Your Ass
When talking about illegal mascot shenanigans, no one, of course, beats the drunken exploits of the Stanford Tree. But running a close second is Benny the Bull, the only NBA mascot with a criminal record for battery on a police officer. On Tuesday he was at it again, shooting the Celtics' Kevin Garn...
Welcome Back Everybody!
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who secretly wishes that the NBA regular season was even longer. When he's not formally requesting that David Stern institute a 300-game season, you can find him engaged in thrilling intellectual debates regarding fart jokes at Basketbawful. Enjoy! Agent Ze...
Stanley Pringle: Jackin' It
You know, it's really annoying when athletes-masturbating-in-libraries stories break in the evening and we have to wait until morning to write about them. If we can't be your leader in library masturbation coverage, we're not sure what our point is....
A New Approach On How To Get Out Of Those Pesky DUIs
Most of us have probably made the ridiculously stupid decision to drink and drive at some point in our lives. Some of us may have even been pulled over, which makes the stupid decision become an expensive and humiliating one. (Here's a tip: Refuse the breathalzyer.) But even if those circumstances d...
Obama Really Just Wants To Be Dr. J
A couple of weeks ago, Barack Obama appeared on Philadelphia's 610 WIP sports radio station and made a somewhat controversial statement about his grandmother being a "typical white person," which got everybody all fired up. (Ironically? Most of them were typical white people.)...
Finally, Massholes Have Something to Celebrate
As we wait for the Final Four to finally kick off on Saturday, the gang at Storming the Floor are amusing themselves with the championship-like substance contained in the NIT and CBI post-season tournaments....
The Playoff Hunt Continu ... Mmm, Nuggets Dancers
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who wishes he could rest his starters for the rest of the regular season. When he's not trying to find some starters to rest, you can find him playing with creepy bobbleheads at Basketbawful. Enjoy! Peja Stojakovic is totally clutchtastic. His former Sacram...
Matt Leinart Should Just Grow Up Already
... So says annoyed Arizona Republic columnist Dan Bickley, who suggests that the Cardinals' quarterback of the present (and, "the future", allegedly) is just dancing a little bit too closely with Mr. Poonstone for his own taste. Bickley trots out every worst-case scenario Leinart should have consi...
It's April Fools In The NBA, Starring The Western Conference Playoff Race
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who just crumpled up his "Western Conference Playoff Position" spreadsheet and ate it. When he's not trying to make heads or tails of this crazy playoff race, you can find him running suicides at Basketbawful. Enjoy!...
Soccer? Gay? Whaaaaat?
Leave it up to a foreigner to figure out why Americans are so down on soccer. This snippet culled from an editorial on football.uk.com written by Marty Mercado maps out all the reasons the U.S. ignores the sport: overcommercialization, not enough scoring, too multicultural, and, of course, because i...
The NBA Playoff Hunt Continues, Predator Style
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who thinks you should go rent The Predator again. Immediately. Oh, and he also thinks you should read his stuff at Basketbawful. Enjoy! So you cooked up a story and dropped the six of us in the meat grindah! Michael Finley's shooting slump hit a low point l...
Matt Leinart Is Taking His Offseason Film Work Quite Seriously
Before we get into all the NCAA Tournament and Opening Day business, we thought we'd start your morning off with Matt Leinart doing his Matt Leinart thing. The Dirty has details of this whole evening, which included Nick Lachey, under-21 ladies and, of course, hot tubs....
About Last Night
What you missed while overdosing on Mad magazine fold-ins ... • College basketball: That girl from human resources who has pictures of her cat taped to her computer and picks all the favorites every year is leading your office pool. • NBA: Whoa, big traffic jam in the West; looks like you're gonna b...
At Last, A Scenario In Which The Wealthy Win
Don't pity early departing No. 2 seeds Georgetown or Duke, not that you would. Remember, their students come from money and are getting more of it, as evidenced by their Final Four placement in the Payscale bracket based on the median income of graduating students. Stanford claims the top spot, bein...
Um, Someone Tell The Italian Sausage That He's Doing It Wrong
Hey, they told me that there would be no food allowed on the ski lift. Thank you Home Run Derby, for making us laugh at costumed baseball mascots attempting winter sports once again....
Let The 'Texas Hold 'Em' Trial Begin!
Looking for something to watch when the NCAA Tournament is over? Hope your cable company offers Court TV, because the trial of the decade is about to begin; the case of the Oklahoma Sooners fan who ripped the scrotum of a Texas Longhorns fan in a bar fight. Nancy Grace is working herself into a lath...
Where...Crossdressing Mascots Happen?
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who is seriously glad it's Friday. When he's not checking out NBA mascots - but only for laughs, not in "that way" - you can find him taking a siesta at Basketbawful. Enjoy! Mmmm, beefy. On a night in which the Denver Nuggets thrashed the Dallas Mavericks 1...
Your NL West "Preview"
Question: Anybody else buy the MLB Extra Innings package? They're eventually gonna update that schedule with games, right? Our cable system is still showing nothing ... and the season starts Monday, doggone it!...