Antrel Rolle Blames Fumble On His Silky Smooth Arms

The hellish, back-breaking death march of professional football has claimed many victims, but perhaps none more tragically than Cardinals safety Antrel Rolle, who dropped a crucial preseason punt because his arms were over-moisturized. The horror....

The devastating fumble took place in the Steelers-Cardinals rematch last week and cost Arizona fans several lost nights of sleep. The culprit? The Japanese Cherry Blossom lotion that this gridiron warrior rubs on his arms to keep his muscles warm. (You know how chilly Pittsburgh gets in August.) He explained the boo-boo on his blog, thusly:

I got a chance to return punts last night but I forgot about it until game time. I always put some real thick Japanese Cherry Blossom lotion on my arms because it keeps me warm and loose during games. I do it before every game but I forgot that I was returning punts on Thursday. I caught the punt perfectly, but as soon as I tucked it away I felt it start to slip. Then someone hit me from behind and it just slipped out.

Rolle then atoned for sins by spending the rest of this heated, no-holds barred, smash-mouth rematch between rival Super Bowl combatants on the sideline—participating in an impromptu dance contest between his teammates and opposing Steelers. THE HYPER-VIOLENCE! IT BLINDS ME!

It's Good to be Back [Rolle21.com]