ac Page 1186 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Mike Cooper Avoids Jail Time; Prison Showers
The sentence has come down, once again, courtesy of our man Jimbo. Mike Cooper, he of library-masturbating fame, was found guilty, and was fined $150 plus court costs. That's it. Bail was $500,000, and the fine is $150. All is well that ends well, I suppose. Who among us hasn't paid $150 for an or...
The Mike Cooper Sentencing ... You Are There!
Well, the Mike Cooper sentencing is over, and our man Jimbo was, indeed, there. We're still not sure precisely what Cooper's sentence was — Jimbo didn't make it that far into the proceedings — but he was there, and he even captured Cooper and his parents on his camera phone ... kind of....
Brian Urlacher's "Domestic" Woes
You know, people keep telling us about this Brian Urlacher custody trial business in Chicago, and it just makes us uncomfortable. Like many football fans, we like to think of Urlacher as an old-school, square-jawed bruiser cut from the Butkus mold. So when we start reading stuff like this —...
Quick! Time To Save Barbaro Again!
Apparently, there aren't enough children writing letters: Barbaro is in serious trouble....
Ride, Jesse, Ride
We had a crazy, fantastical dream last night. In our fevered slumber, we dreamed that the Rev. Jesse Jackson had teamed with the former agent to Dennis Rodman to represent The Jockeys' Guild. Thats what we get for eating Laotain food just before bedtime. Thankfully, we got a good night's rest, and...
Some Things, Ron Artest Shouldn't Joke About
Temporarily sane Sacramento forward Ron Artest gave an interview to the Sacramento Bee over the weekend that covered his future with the team, his dogs and Donald Trump. But the most frightening section came from when Artest was asked about whether or not Bonzi Wells will return to the team next y...
Desperately Seeking Groundouts
As you've probably heard by now, above is the Match.com profile of Cincinnati Reds pitcher Brian Shackleford, who was released from jail last night and, even worse, sent to the minors after he was arrested following Wednesday's night's loss to the Milwaukee Brewers. To remind, the facts of the case ...
Chicago Bulls Mascots, Just One Step Ahead Of The Law
You're probably tired of hearing about NBA mascots attacking the police while driving mini-motorcycles at outdoor festivals — we know we are — but this one has a slight twist. The mascot, Benny the Bull of the Chicago Bulls, threw a punch at a sheriff's deputy, knocking off his glasses. The best p...
Coach K Speaks!
Our long national nightmare is over. We can all rest a bit easier now, because Coach K is finally weighing in on the Duke lacrosse case. Our parents tell us stories of how they feared world events in the 1960s would overwhelm them, and how they would tune in to the CBS news every evening, and things...
Maurice Drew Doesn't Hate Your Nerd Ass That Much After All
If case you didn't remember, former UCLA running back (and now Jacksonville Jaguars rookie) Maurice Drew had been implicated in the Los Angeles Denny's incident in which Bears safety Ricky Manning and pals beat up a guy for using a laptop. (We're sure this happens to Cuban all the time.)...
Jerry Stackhouse And Common Sense Have Been Suspended
Jerry Stackhouse was found to be in violation of the NBA's strict "Do Not Touch Shaquille O'Neal" policy yesterday, as the league announced that it was suspending him for Game 5 of the NBA Finals. Stackhouse committed a hard foul on Shaq as the big man was driving for a lay-up. Have a look:...
Zack Randolph Is SPEED RACER
And come with us, dear readers, to watch how an offense can find itself escalating ......
Strap In For The Grimsley Express
So we've been digging through this Jason Grimsley affidavit, and there's some pretty fun stuff. We understand the mindset behind what one commenter called "the missing white girl story of the week" aspect of this, but we kind of have a feeling this might stick. Some highlights:...
Jason Grimsley ... SCARFACE!
(One of these guys was on human growth hormone ... can you guess which one?)...
Carl Lewis Cordially Invites You To Tell Him How Great He Is
Ah, Carl Lewis. Where would we be without his dulcet tones? We'd be awfully sad, that's what....
It Rains Because Jack Nicklaus Hates Leatherlips
It's raining at Muirfield Village this week, site of the PGA's Memorial Tournament. Yesterday's rain delay lasted over six hours, in fact, and a lot of players had to get out early this morning and finish the second round. It's rained 21 times in 31 years at The Memorial. Wow, that seems like a lo...
Barbaro Finally Responds To Fans
As we have widely documented extensively and in excruciating detail, all kinds of gentle-hearted simps have been sending letters to the injured Barbaro over the last few months....
Another Nasty, Evil Fan Speaks
Remember that story from the other day, when Cubs outfielder Jacque Jones was heckled by some Wrigley Field fans and were promptly berated by Jones' mother?...
The King Is Dead, Long Live The King
Zack Hample has insulted us once too often. You remember Hample, the Dead End Kid who claims to have collected more than 2,000 baseballs at major league parks. In a recent post over at his blog, The Baseball Collector, Hample mocks Deadspin in a most egregious and insulting manner concerning Barry...