ac Page 1216 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Alas, Poor T-Mac...I Knew Him, Horatio!
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who will never, ever forget McGrady's greatness in defeat. He's kind of like a 21st century Dominique Wilkins, if 'Nique had never made it out of the first round. When he's not praising T-Mac, he's probably making fun of him at Basketbawful. Enjoy! He was t...
Yankee Stadium:Ground Zero For All Things Pope-Y
As many of you know, Pope Benedict the Magnificent XI was in New York on Sunday to celebrate mass at Yankee Stadium with 57,000 Bronx old ladies carrying plastic rosary beads. It went well, as all who attended were happy and blessed and there were no assasination attempts or extremely violent protes...
Did The Cubs Throw The 1918 World Series?
So get this: the Sporting News claims to have unearthed evidence that the Chicago Cubs may have taken a dive in the 1918 World Series, one year before the Chicago White Sox made the practice fashionable. Yes, instead of 100 years of frustration, the Cubs could be on the verge of a mere 90-year futil...
Pistons Eat Jerseys, Choke On Game
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who's in bed smoking a cigarette after a fulfilling weekend of playoff action. When he's not replaying the events over and over in his head, you can find him basking in the afterglow at Basketbawful. Enjoy! Memo to the Pistons: You might wanna take these gu...
Tim Duncan: Awesomming From Everywhere (Even Three-Point Range)
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who's freaking excited about the freaking playoffs. So if you hear about him doing anything else at any time, it wasn't really him. Unless he's talking about beersomnia and bad movies at Basketbawful. Enjoy! Tim Duncan was legen...wait for it...dary. Timm...
This Week's Tasered Athlete: Tim Worley
Wait, you don't remember him? Me neither, so let's revisit his career. Tim Worley was a great running back for the University of Georgia (an All-American, at that) and the seventh overall draft pick by the Pittsburgh Steelers in 1989. He didn't have much of a pro career, lasting only four seasons, r...
Maddux Left For Dead, Doesn't Actually Die
Thursday "night"'s game for San Diego lasted all of 22 innings. Friday's game against the Arizona Diamondbacks was over after just one inning, when they were losing 6-0. And as impressive as Dan Haren, Conor Jackson, Justin Upton, THE UNPREDICTABLE ERIC BYRNES WOBBITY WOK, and all of the other Diamo...
About Last Night...
What you missed while questioning Abe Lincoln's patriotism... • MLB: Tuckered out from 22 innings the night before, Rockies beat Astros 11-5 in their sleep. Or Houston's sleep. Either way. • NHL: Franzen comes alive in overtime with winning goal; Wings beat Predators 2-1. • NBA: Oklahoma 28, Seattle...
Pope Benedict XVI Needs To Borrow Your Cup
Close observers of the Catholic religion know that the Pope will always come up throwing after a diving catch; unless it's the final out of an inning, of course. In that case, His Most Holy Father will make sure that the umpire sees the ball in his mitt. Another Papal web gem! I can't count the numb...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch while remembering Seals Stadium ... • NHL: Playoffs, Eastern Conference quarterfinals, Game 4, Washington at Philadelphia (7 p.m., ET), Western Conference quarterfinals, Game 5, Calgary at San Jose (10 p.m., ET). Flame on! [Versus] • Soccer: MLS, Columbus at D.C. United (8 p.m., ET). Q...
Clay Bennett Is Happy To Screw Oklahoma Too
For some reason, we imagined Oklahoma City welcoming Clay Bennett and the Sonics with arms extended, lying prostrate, screaming "thank you" to the heavens. Anytime someone does something to a city as horrible as what Bennett has done to Seattle, there has to be someone who benefits, right? Other tha...
Webb Rising, Zito Waning In The West
That sonic boom you heard in San Francisco on Wednesday was caused by pitchers Brandon Webb and Barry Zito. The former Cy Young winners are moving so quickly in opposite directions that the rapid heating and expansion of air has created enough pressure to cause explosive sound waves in China Basin....
The NBA Playoff Puzzle Is Finally Complete
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who's "resting his starters" today. So you can find him stretching and doing some light jogging at Basketbawful. Enjoy! They ain't dead yet! Apparently, rumors of San Antonio's demise were greatly exaggerated, because the Spurs pulled an "Ivan Drago versus ...
Nothing Good Comes Out Of A Bottle Of Belvedere
In looking at this picture of a gangsta-casual Stephen Jackson swigging from a Belvedere bottle at a party, it's impossible not to worry about the potential repercussions he'll have to endure once this photo hit the web. Because, remember what happened to the last person who took decided that aggre...
Jackie Chan Threatens To Chop Protesters, Make 'Rush Hour 4'
Leave it to diminutive Kung Fu dervish Jackie Chan to put this Olympic Torch protest thing into perspective. Chan, who will be a torchbearer when the relay comes to Beijing next week, says that he will deal harshly with any miscreants who might try to grab the flame from his tiny, powerful mitts....
Carmelo Anthony Absolutely, Unequivocally Bombed Out Of His Mind, Say Cops
The latest reports out of Denver about the DUI arrest of the booze-addled, snitch-averse Carmelo Anthony say that the Nuggets' star's level of impairment was, according to investigating officers, "extreme."...
Celebrating Jackie Robinson Day With Canadian Highlights And Lou Gossett Jr.
When honoring the great Jackie Robinson and all he has meant to baseball, my first thought was the same as the Dodgers': Roll out Chaka Khan. What, no Rufus? Tell me something good .... Of course Lou Gossett Jr. was also there, so it made perfect sense. Look, I don't like the fact that Jackie Robins...
Satan Gives Lakers Power of Levitation, Western Conference Title
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who says, "The world is looking mighty good to me, because Tootsie Rolls are all I see. Whatever it is I think I see, becomes a Tootsie Roll to me." When he's not loving himself some candy that looks like forest animal droppings, you can find him reaping sou...
ESPN Nixes Bill Simmons-Barack Obama Podcast
If Bill Simmons seems grouchier in his MVP column today, or in his podcast later this week, you'll have to forgive him. He was scheduled to have Sen. Barack Obama as a guest, but, for reasons that haven't quite made themselves clear, ESPN canceled the appearance. Obama was all ready to go, but the n...
The NBA Playoff Guest List Is Ready. Guess Who's Not Invited?
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who don't want to work. He just want to bang on the drum all day. When he's not quoting obscure 80s lyrics, you can find him watching old episodes of The Smurfs at Basketbawful. Enjoy! Psyche! Part I. The game was over. The Sixers had won. In fact, the team...