ac Page 1231 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Under Armor Employees Like Being On TV
A few days ago, they had "Under Armor" day at Camden Yards, where a gaggle of Under Armor employees showed up to, we dunno, make grown men realize how they're too out of shape to possibly buy their products. One of their employees apparently had a bit too much to drink, and when he showed up on live...
You Can't Stop Barbaro, You Can Only Hope To Put Him Down
Expect, in the next week, Madison Square Garden to be haunted by the ghost of a rather pissed Barbaro; the overtime in the Rangers-Sabres game yesterday caused the Barbaro documentary to be postponed and rescheduled for the vastly unworthy CNBC this Friday. Jeez, why don't you just put the damned th...
Introducing The Comment Ombudsman
We are extremely proud to have the most dynamic, electric, SUPER HAPPY FUN OUTSTANDING comment section on this here Internets; you guys provide about 76 percent of our daily entertainment, with the rest filled in by re-reading Andy Rooney books, Cardinals DVDs and listening to old Woody Allen comedy...
Our Draft Coverage Concludes, Quinn-Less
With the 21st pick of the NFL Draft, the Jacksonville Jaguars select Reggie Nelson, S, Florida. Mike Tanier of Football Outsiders tells you all about it....
Justin Harrell Is Not A Toy That Favre Can Play With
With the 16th pick of the NFL Draft, the Green Bay Packers select Justin Harrell, DT, Tennessee. Mike Tanier of Football Outsiders tells you all about it....
A Blocker Named Brown For The Buzzsaw
With the 5th pick of the NFL Draft, the Buzzsaw Select Levi Brown, OL Penn State. Mike Tanier of Football Outsiders tells you all about it....
Time For 12 Hours Of Names Being Read Aloud!
We will never forget last year's NFL Draft, when poor Matt Leinart suddenly realized he'd been drafted by The Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals. We look forward to a similar reaction from Wisconsin offensive lineman Joe Thomas tomorrow, who might just jump off his fishing boat and try to drown h...
What Will be the Next Sportswriter Confession?
AJ Daulerio's Cultural Oddsmaker runs every Friday. Email him to let him know what you think....
As The Old Joke Goes, She's Out With A Womb
Considering we don't, you know, pay all the collegiate athletes who bring in so much money for their universities, an athletic scholarship is the holy grail, the precious, the one benefit to spending so much time training and sweating. So one can't lose it, lest the whole matter go to waste....
Ian Eagle, DANCE OFF
When NBA TV cut back a little early to Ian Eagle and Dr. Jack Ramsay during the Wizards-Cavaliers game yesterday, they caught Eagle, clearly lacking conversation from Dr. Jack, making sure to give himself up to the commercial break dance party....
Seriously, Arkansas Fans Are Insane
We're not sure the true historic nature of what's going on at the University of Arkansas is being adequately appreciated. Basically, a bunch of ticked-off message board fans are doing everything they can to take down the athletic department of their university ... and they're doing a damned good job...
The Orioles Get Their Mike Cooper And Carl Monday On
So the Orioles — yes, the Orioles — are off to a blistering start in the American League East, and the explanation can not be found in Leo Mazzone or Erik Bedard. It's in the mustache!...
Roger Goodell Is Judge, Jury And Executioner
Sure, we all laughed when Pac Man Jones was suspended by the NFL for a year, because it's Pac Man Jones, and everything Pac Man Jones does is funny. But CBS Sportsline's Clay Travis points out that NFL commissioner Roger Goodell was positively Orwellian in his sentence. After all, Pac Man is essenti...
OK, Get Up, Walk It Off
We don't mean to imply that maybe four-year-olds shouldn't be on the field during college football scrimmages ... but yipes....
They Have A Love For Nick Saban That I Can't Comprehend
Fifty-one thousand is a lot of people to show up to a college football scrimmage, and before yesterday, that was the all-time Alabama record. But you add the magnetic appeal of Nick Saban to the mix ... and all the sudden, 51,000 seems paltry. Nasty Nick drew over 92,000 people to his first spring g...
Pacman, Mario Both Deeply Apologize, Sort Of
It's a morning of apologies around the world of the NFL. First off, our main man Pac Man Jones took out a full page ad in The Tennessean saying, you know, sorry about that whole suspension thing....
Lawrence Phillips Goes For Rare Triple Crown
An old George Carlin comedy routine had a good time mocking California's "Three Strikes And You're Out" policy of jailing three-time felons for life; Carlin pointed out that the writing of laws for the incarceration of our citizens should perhaps not be based in cute and funny baseball terms. But as...
Brian Urlacher Deplenished Of $100 Grand Worth Of Fluid
OK, so we'll say it: We don't find Gatorade the slightest bit replenishing. We think it mostly tastes like urine distilled through a coffee machine, but that's less to the point; when we work out, the last thing we want is a sugary thick beverage. We're working out to lose calories; why would we wan...
Obama/Arenas '08!
As we continue to attempt to come to terms with the loss of Gilbert Arenas from the upcoming playoff months, we turn, as always, to Wizznutzz to help us through the night....
Marlon Wayans And Jeff Kent Remember Jackie Robinson
You know, nothing says Honoring Jackie Robinson than making his wife pose for an incredibly awkward photo with Bud Selig. (As if there are any other kind with that guy.) Seriously, this guy is the commissioner of Major League Baseball, and every photo of him makes him look like Professor Frink....