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Internet Paralyzed By Michael Vick To Buffalo Rumors
Have you heard?! Michael Vick and Tony Dungy are in Buffalo right now signing an eighteen-year deal worth $4 billion. Or maybe he's not in New York State at all? Maybe you're the one who's like....trapped in Buffalo, man!...

Wrigley Beer-Tossing Hand Job Still At Large (UPDATE) (UPDATE NO)
I imagine that since we're very close to identifying the man who soaked Shane Victorino last night at Wrigley, that the Chicago PD are close as well....

Create Your Own Gawker Media Hybrid
Be like thousands of satisfied GizHackSpin users and create a custom Gawker Hybrid, made possible by Toyota Prius. Read your favorite titles in one place, with the content you want from each. What's your hybrid creation? Try it here »...

The UFL Might Actually Be A Practical Joke
The United Football League unveiled its team names and uniforms this week, just hours before tickets went on sale for games you did not realize were taking place, featuring players that may not exist. Is this really happening?...

Petey Throws Five Innings Of Slop For The Win
It wasn't pretty, or inspiring, but he did end up with the win. And Charlie Manuel used the hillbilly logic to monitor his new, old pitcher: "Five innings and he was ready to be got." [Philly.com]...

Famous Actor Desperate To Portray Nerdy GM
Brad Pitt says that Moneyball: The Movie is still very much alive and he would very much like to play Billy Beane. So world-famous actors with beautiful movie star wives dream about being nerdy baseball executives? [MTV]...

Hey Buddy, Down In Fro... Oh
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...

Stay Classy, Cubs Fans (UPDATE)
So, yeah, this happened tonight. Maybe it's time to retire that old stereotype of Philly having the worst fans? The culprit identified, after the jump....

Rick Pitino Deemed Unworthy Of Samford Law School's Leadership Luncheon
Rick Pitino was supposed to appear at a leadership luncheon in September at Samford's Cumberland law school. Now it seems the priapic boy genius will not be darkening Samford's door, for some mysterious reason....

Dwight Howard's Lawyers Tell The World That's Not His Penis
The photos of a man who looks like Dwight Howard pulling down his shorts to reveal his member in a web cam pic found on Mediatakeout are not him, TMZ reveals. Big day for everybody....

What To Expect From "Hard Knocks: Cincinnati Bengals"
The Cincinnati Bengals are not quite the trainwreck they once were, but everyone is still hoping for some kind of entertainment value out of this year's edition of HBO's "Hard Knocks" docudrama. Don't get your hopes up....

Give Your Brain the Day Off
The brain is the most overworked muscle in the body, and today, it's time to give it a rest. Get together with friends and celebrate not thinking by kicking back and relaxing with a bucket of ice cold Coronas....

The Long Strange Sad Journey Of Lawrence Phillips
Former Nebraska/NFL running back Lawrence Phillips was convicted of seven felony charges yesterday and faces up to 25 years in prison, but he's already in jail, serving a 10-year sentence for another crime. How did it come to this?...

Pittsburgh Steelers Love Their Illegal Gun-Shooting Parties (UPDATED)
Hackles have been raised by photos of a shooting event where civilians, including members of the Pittsburgh Steelers, are seen goofing off with possibly illegal weapons—all courtesy of the Pennsylvania State Police. Hey, gun safety is for Seahawks....

Brady Quinn-Derek Anderson Feud Gets Catty
Derek Anderson and Brady Quinn are both listed as No. 1 on the Browns depth chart, although I don't believe the NFL's plan to add a second football to gameplay will take effect this year. So let the sabotage begin!...

BYU Players Star In Worst Abercrombie Catalog Ever
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...

Leitch-Hating Matador Records Co-Owner Loses Home In Fire
Gerard Cosloy, indie-music maven and proprietor of sporty blog Can't Stop The Bleeding, posted the photo you see here, writing: "This was a hell of a way to get out of hoovering the living room." Condolences. [CSTB, via Steady Burn]...

Deadspin Hall Of Fame Inductee: Barbaro
Presenting the final 2009 inductee to The Deadspin Hall Of Fame ......

Deadspin Hall Of Fame Inductee: Charles Barkley
Presenting the first 2009 inductee to The Deadspin Hall Of Fame ......
