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Abbey Clancy Makes Her World Cup Prediction…
For those of you who prefer not to waste valuable shopping time reading up on the latest football relationships, Abbey Clancy is the lucky model who has long been on the receiving end of Peter Crouch's deep midnight kisses....

Last Night's Winner: Philadelphia Bloodlust
In sports, everyone is a winner - some people just win better than others. Like Philly's desire to Taser this copycat attention whore who ran onto the field, which is actually better than he deserves....

The "Andrei Kirilenko's Yearly Free Pass Watch" Reaches DEFCON-2
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Come Chat With "Shit My Dad Says" Author Justin Halpern Tomorrow At 2pm EST
It's the amusing Twitter account even your dad likes. And, now, it's a book. Come stop by tomorrow for an excerpt and watch the author bravely navigate the commenting arena which has humbled many an author and vaporized one female comedian....

You Like Sex and Football. So Do We
Nearly 1,800 Deadspin readers have shared their feedback with us via the 2010 Gawker Media Census. 83% of those who responded are having regular sex (improvement over last year!) but when they're not boning, 94% are watching football. Flabbergasting. Join the party—click through to submit your Censu...

And Now, The Taser Video You've All Been Waiting For
Ah, baseball. The crack of the bat. The feel of the grass. The smell of burning hair, as 1200 volts of electricity course through a 17-year-old's nervous system....

It's Taser Giveaway Night In Philly — Whether You Want It Or Not
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Later, Roy Williams Told A Masseuse That The Gulf Oil Catastrophe Was Nothing Compared To His Sunburn
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

9-Year-Old Beer-Drinking Hockey Players, aka Regular Canadians
A Saskatoon youth hockey team is under fire after posting a video showing the mites with open cans and bottles of beer. Little Pelle Lindbergh proceeded to drive his Big Wheel directly into a school. [Canwest]...

Not Invited To The Bachelor Party For One William F. Leitch: Jay Mariotti
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Stories That Don't Suck: The Kentucky Derby Is Faulkneresque, Heartbreaking And, As Always, Decadent And Depraved
Every week, Tommy will excerpt a handful of stories - old and new, sports and otherwise, relevant and merely sublime - that he urges you to read for one reason or another. Today, I'm filling in. Still, send suggestions: [email protected]....

A Brief History Of The Greatest Twitter Hashtag Of All-Time
Sometimes, I wonder what we did in those dark years without the Internet and, more recently, without Twitter. Friday was one of those days, as I sifted through a Twitter search for a hashtag dubbed "WireDerbyHorseNames." Warning: Omar's coming, yo....

Next Up, Lady Gaga Performing Her Hit Single, "Telegram"
How do the Orix Buffaloes, a Japanese baseball team, greet their visitors? With something called "Porker Face." I hope there's video involved, too. [Orix Buffaloes, via Adam]...

What Do Alexander Ovechkin, The Penguins And Jiffy Pop Have In Common?*
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

If Anyone Else Is Morbidly Curious About "The Human Centipede"...
Mark Lisanti is live blogging his viewing of it right now. It's just about to get fun it looks like. [MovieLine]...

Ridiculous Diamondbacks Boycott Rolls On
Because some people think a certain Arizona immigration bill is a very bad thing, many of those same people are taking it out on the Arizona Diamondbacks, threatening a boycott. This is, pardon my French, retarded....

The Commodification Of Tiger Woods's Whoring Continues Apace
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Seattleites Find Bango The Buck's Ladder Stunt A Bit Derivative
Two-plus years ago, Squatch, ex-Seattle Supersonics mascot, pulled off the same stunt that has made Bango the Buck a minor celebrity — off an even-higher ladder. It's so like Seattle to point out they've been doing something longer....

Mindy McCready's Forbidden, Goofy Love For Roger Clemens
Her lawyers say she was too whacked out to realize she signed-off on "Baseball Mistress (NSFW)", but, nonetheless, I still find her woozy interview about her puppy love with Roger Clemens mesmerizing....

Wince-Inducing Story Of The Day: Miguel Olivo Has A Urethra Of Steel
The Rockies catcher passed a kidney stone during a recent game against the Diamondbacks, then he threw his gear back on and later singled. "I can handle pain a little bit," he said. "Let's play baseball." [Last Angry Fan]...