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The (Mobile) Internet Is For Porn
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Mad Dog Officially Seeking Mini Mad Dogs; Little Bow-Wows Need Not Apply
Now hiring! Chris Russo really is searching America for a talk show host for Mad Dog Radio. Requirements: thorough knowledge of the 1941 All-Star Game, the '62 Giants, Cecil B. DeMille and passion. Start primping that résumé, Mikey. [Monster.com]...

Mutton Wins Again
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...

From The Desk Of Gary Belsky: Altruism Edition
Gary Belsky is the EIC of ESPN The Magazine, which you probably know as the strange, unwieldy object wedged into your mailbox every other week. Sometimes, funny things happen at Gary's magazine, and employees tell us about them....

Giant Inflatable Penis Owner Explains Herself, Giant Inflatable Penis
Many will remember this year's American Century Championship for Tony Romo's valiant efforts and Rick Rhoden's continued dominance of the tournament, but the big, bright shining star of Saturday's action was a six-foot dong peeking over Michael Jordan's shoulder....

Lance Not Livestrong Enough
Lance Armstrong moved to second place in the Tour de France this weekend, but fell almost two minutes behind his teammate, Alberto Contador. Oh, the indignity of the wingman, fighting for scraps as his "partner" reaps all the glory....

Crumpet? I Hardly Know It!
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...

A Funnier, Less Pottymouthed Pacman Making It Rain Video
It really shouldn't have taken this long for this to be made. But I think we're all glad it was....

With No Regard For Human Life
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...

Lenny Dykstra Has Open And Honest Communication With His Wife
This is what Dykstra's wife says he toldsent her via text message over voicemail: "From now on everything is going to be bad, the war is ready to begin and I play ... dirty!" [Ventura County Star]...

Le Cycling Is A Contact Sport
One woman dies when she's hit by a police motorcycle, and two riders are injured by, um, air rifle projectiles. In other news, LiveStrong tweets about the injustice of George Hincapie not winning the yellow jersey. It's a cruel world....

And That's The Way It Is
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...

Report: Notre Dame Will Play Army At Yankee Stadium In History's Most Insufferable Football Game
Pat Forde's reporting that the Fighting Irish will take on the Black Knights in 2010 at Versailles-on-the-Harlem, reviving a longstanding New York tradition of Irish people fighting the Army that dates all the way back to the Draft Riots. [ESPN]...

I'd Rather Tweet With The Saints
It was only a matter of time before a minor league baseball team whipped up a social networking promotion, and when charged with creating a snappy name for the event, why not go with Twitter-My-Face?...

William Ligue's Son Still Proud He Beat Up That First Base Coach
They say it's important to live without regret. And one thing Young Bill Ligue does not regret is thrashing an old man on the field at Comiskey Park when he was 15. You just can't manufacture those kinds of memories....

Why Your Stadium Sucks: Busch Stadium
This is a weekly feature in which I (and maybe you, too, readers) detail the various reasons for hating your ballpark. This week: The St. Louis Cardinals' Busch Stadium....

Adam Jones "Makin' It Rain": The Video (NSFW)
We compared the Las Vegas Journal Review's massive feature on the Minxx strip club incident to the Warren Report, but now we finally have the Zapruder Film. Video (that's probably not safe work) of Adam "Pacman" Jones making it rain....

Angry Sheep, 1, Small Terrified Boy, 0
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...

Hockey Game At Fenway Park To Be Wicked Cold
Bruins officially announce that they will host the Flyers in Fenway Park for next year's Winter Classic, but they'll really have to fling it to get a puck over the Green Monster. [Herald]...

Jeff Garlin: “This Is The Longest Rape Has Ever Been A Topic For Anything I’ve Ever Discussed”
This week's Deadcast guest is "Curb Your Enthusiasm" co-star and producer Jeff Garlin (Listen here, iTunes here, buy Jeff's standup DVD here). We talk rape! Far more than Jeff prefers!...