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Everywhere You Look, Shirtless Kickers
• Welcome back, Harold. • We've officially come around on "The Sopranos" finale. • Lookin' sharp, Gators. • Call us, Andre. We can help. • Sorry: The Snorg Girl doesn't like you. • John Daly is the only interesting golfer. • Even cops like to make fun of Tony La Russa. • Oh, how we've missed Sinbad....

Cunnilingus And Psychiatry Brought Us To This
Leave the fucking cheese there, all right? We love fuckin' cheese at our feet! We stick motherfuckin' provolone in our socks at night, so they smell like your sister's crotch in the morning....

If Detroit Pitchers Played All Nine Positions ...
We have to agree with Bugs and Cranks: Seeing a truly awful defensive play in baseball is darned near as good as seeing a truly great one. The site's Lead Glove Awards are out, and once again we see Manny Ramirez in a place of honor. A couple of our favorite lines:...

Elijah Dukes Continues To Bat 1.000
If you're a social worker who is considering a foster care applicaton, how could you not approve the couple who is related to Elijah Dukes? A 17-year-old girl who is in foster care with a relative of Dukes told the Tampa police that Dukes got her pregnant. The article goes on to say that Dukes will ...

That Guy Has Little Length Or Upside
We hope you've been properly scoping out the scouting combines and you've jotted down all your 40 times, because today is The Championship Gaming Series is holding its draft today....

Another Example Of How UFC Has Overtaken Boxing
We can't possibly thank With Leather enough for digging up this clip of UFC star Chuck Liddell — just hours after his title-belt loss to that Rampaging Jackson fellow — enjoying himself considerably. What's not to love about Chuck Liddell? Nothin'!...

John Daly's Wife: 'No Stabby My Hubby'
We knew that there had to be more to this story ... come on, it's John Daly. And he didn't let us down. apparently....

Big Unit Leads Happy Beautiful Diamondbacks Collective To Glorious Victory
Notes from a day in baseball:...

The Weekend's Big Winner, a Top 5 Ballot
As the weekend rolls to a close - and with newfound, mind-eroding respect for both MJD and Will for their work in these here parts - I find myself completely immersed in thinking back over this weekend. Here are the winners that stand out for me:...

Chad Johnson and Rags to Riches: A Love Story
Let me propose something: The love-child (fine, if you insist: "love-foal") of Chad Johnson and Rags to Riches could be the greatest racing machine in the history of the world....

What's Eating Gilbert Arenas?
No athlete — let alone NBA player — captured the attention of blogo-savvy fans over the past year like Gilbert Arenas. His personality and antics jibed with our sensibilities....

Federer Tries to Put Away Pesky Nadal
So this is what we've been reduced to in men's tennis: Roger Federer is so dominant that the only match worth watching is the one where there's a good chance he'll lose....

Hot Blogger Bracketology
With mere hours to go until the end of the first round of the Hot Blogger Bracket (presented by the Ladies...) that took the sports-blog universe by storm this week (and shot their Ballhype ranking into the Top 5). There have been mass email campaigns, "going negative" on opponents and far too many ...

Chad Johnson: The New Barbaro?
How far has horse racing sunk? Far enough that sport's biggest event of the day isn't at Belmont, but at River Downs in Cincinnati....

It's More Difficult To Shake Off 24 Hours Of ESPN Than One Might Think
• As if you needed proof, watching ESPN for 24 hours is a bad idea. • Cleveland celebrated its trip to the NBA Finals ... • ... and then got off to a rather rough start. • Tank Johnson is a new man. • Gene Upshaw is a smooth operator. • Eric Mangini is ACTING! • Give blood, get drunk. • Gary Sheffie...

Please Welcome Our Temporary Weekend Overlord
Because the guy works more than any human we know, The Mighty MJD is taking a rare weekend off. (And by "rare," we mean "the first one since he started doing the site on weekends.") But we shall never forsake you here at Deadspin, so we've got a reasonable replacement who is all dolled up and ready ...

Them Damn Burritos Ain't Good For Nothing But A Hippie, When He's High On Weed
The world's our oyster, except for the fact that we just rammed a wooden stake in our brother's heart because he turned into a vampire, even though we don't believe in vampires. Aside from that unfortunate business, everything's hunky-dory....

Oh, What A Night
What's coming up in the world of minor league baseball ... we proudly give you Rick Chandler's Minor Enterprise! Not content with the more pedestrian promotions often associated with the minors, the Long Beach Armada (Independent Golden League) are into the higher concepts. They ask the really big ...

ESPN Would Like To Remind You Of Its Omnipotence
Let's say, hypothetically speaking, that instead of watching Game One of the NBA Finals last night, you decided your evening would be better spent watching the MLS game between the Colorado Rapids and the Houston Dynamo on ESPN2. That wouldn't be our choice, but whatever: You just love the MLS and e...

Sebastien Gacond Is Gay (As Long As You Make It Clear It's The "Happy" Kind Of Gay)
This is Sebastien Gacond. He is a professional triathlete, which is impressive; it must be difficult to be an athlete with three major appendages. He is also not gay. Not gay at all. Nothing gay about Sebastien Gacond. He is all man. It is extremely important that you understand this....