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At Least You Aren't Shawn Bradley
...and no one's making "NBA Bitches, Volume One" videos, starring you. So no matter what else happens today, at least you have that going for you. You probably aren't going to get dunked on today, and even if you do, it's not likely that anyone's going to make a YouTube video out of it....
Week In Deadspin: Hello, Horsehide
• Florida won the national championship in a tremendously boring Final Four. • Anna Benson renewed our faith in romance. • We introduced the Daily Closer as baseball spread its yearly seed all over our loins yet again. It turned out not to be the best day for Derek Lowe. • Beware of Jenn Sterger's...
You'll Find A Pair Of Safety Glasses And Some Earplugs Under Your Seat. Please Feel Free To Use Them.
You sponsors have it real easy. We never had it like this where we grew up. But we send our kids here because the fact is you go to one of the best schools in the country. Now, for some of you it doesn't matter. You were born rich, and you're going to stay rich. But here's our advice to the rest of ...
Brian Fuentes' Curious Entrance Music
If you've been bewildered by the "controversy" involving the use of "Enter Sandman" as the closer's music for both Mariano Rivera and Billy Wagner, we're happy to direct you to a closer's music story that actually has some teeth....
The Closer: Goodbye To Jimmy
Notes from a day of baseball ... • 1. That's All, Folks. The Phillies' Jimmy Rollins ended his hit streak yesterday, at 38 games, in a 4-2 loss to the Cardinals. (Who are 3-0, by the way.) We are big fans of Rollins — particularly when he shaves his head; he had some cornrows last year that were p...
Four Tiny Tidbits On: The Diamondbacks
Baseball is here! Inspired by an old feature on The Black Table, we're previewing the season by going team-by-team and distributing Four Things You Don't Know about them. If you have suggested oddities on your team, send them to us at [email protected]. Today: The Arizona Diamondbacks. Tomorrow we c...
The New New Busch Stadium
With all the stories going on right now — Bonds, Roger Clemens' dry cleaning, Anna Benson's shifting views on fidelity — the question that affects us the most deeply is: What's the new Busch Stadium going to look like? Our beloved Cardinals move into a new stadium this year, and though the big lea...
Needling Barry, Day One
When we first heard that the Giants would open their season in San Diego, we were a little disappointed. Who's going to rag on Barry Bonds in San Diego? It's the most laid-back of all cities; it makes Indianapolis look like Baghdad outside of the Green Zone. But we were wrong. San Diego, you didn'...
Week In Deadspin: Contracting The Bensons
• Officer Selig Fife is finally on the case. • "Bristol Is Big Ten Country" • George Mason Fever is a contagious condition, and if you don't stop scratching, it'll never go away. • Way too much information from Roger Clemens and Peter King. • The Duke lacrosse team story went from horrifying to "h...
Your NL East "Preview"
It is important to point out, before we start predicting our final division, that we have picked a team other than the Braves to win the division for five consecutive years. As if you needed any more assurance that our predictions are always wrong....
Don't Call Us Stupid
Our sponsors think the Gettsyburg Address is where Lincoln lived....
Four Tiny Tidbits On: The Padres
We're two days away from Opening Day (two days!), so it's time to start previewing the season. Inspired by an old feature on The Black Table, we're going team-by-team and distributing Four Things You Don't Know about them. If you have suggested oddities on your team, send them to us at tips@deadsp...
It's An Honor Just To Be Nominated
So, who remembers the Bill Simmons cartoons? Launched, what, a year ago now, the three one-minute tidbits of the life of The Sports Guy were almost universally derided, first by readers, then, ultimately, by Simmons himself. (He called them "a mistake on a lot of levels.")...
Another Great Staring-Into-The-Camera Rap
"I have one thing to tell you, T.O.: I. Hate. You. You like writing disses? I can write them right back to you."...
Your NL West "Preview"
You know what? This might sound kind of crazy, but we think it's possible that the NL West might not be any better than it was last year. The only way there's any team better than last year's Padres is if Los Steroido somehow stays healthy (and eligible) all season ... and even then we're kind of pu...
Typical Philadelphia Marketing
An outstanding find from Mr. Irrelevant: A television station in Philadelphia is reporting that the Phillies made a bit of a mistake with a promotional DVD they sent out....
Punting With Pat The Bat
Reaction to yesterday's Four Tiny Tidbits on the Philadelphia Phillies continues to pour in (OK, we've had two e-mails), with one reader recalling his own memories of current Phillies outfielder Pat The Bat Burrell and his childhood nemesis, Tom Brady. Let's go right to the action....
Dhani Jones Has Happy Feet That Can't Be Beat
We have been called a "chronicler of athlete misdeeds," though we think we're a little more optimistic than that; we prefer "chronicle of athlete malfeasance." Or even "athlete tomfoolery." Whichever; pick your poison....
Four Tiny Tidbits On: The Phillies
We're less than a week away from Opening Day, so it?s time to start previewing the season. Inspired by an old feature on The Black Table, we?re going team-by-team and distributing Four Things You Don?t Know about them. If you have suggested oddities on your team, send them to us at [email protected]...