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Man Drops Pruning Shears, Falls Eyesocket-First Onto Pruning Shears
Here is how this awful awful gross awful thing happened: an 86-year-old Arizona man dropped his pruning shears, which landed pointy-side down. Bending to pick them up, he lost his balance and went face-first into them....

I-Team: Help Us Identify The Poor Woman Who Was Hit In The Face With A Baseball
We led off this morning with a photo of the woman who had the misfortune of having a foul ball ricochet off her face at last night's Yankees-Orioles game. We hear she (thankfully) has not been seriously injured. But we'd like your assistance in identifying who she is. Video of the incident is abov...

Deadspin Is Hiring Interns
We're expanding our operation, and we're looking for interns from the New York City area, the last part of which is kind of important, which is why it's been bolded. The job description calls for assisting with both video and editorial work. It also requires being available on nights and weekends, ...

And Now One Of The Most Mesmerizing Female Street Scuffles Ever (NSFW)
Sorry. I just couldn't stop watching it. I tried. Swear. [DeadspinJr.]...

The <em>Postmortal</em> Live Funbag
Two and a half years ago, I was laid off from my day job in advertising. And since I had to find a way to make enough money to support my family (blogging didn't quite make up the difference), I knew I had to do something productive with all of the newfound free time I had. Something big. I don't kn...

Eric Chavez Can't Quite Make The Save
Your morning roundup for Aug. 30, the day we still couldn't score seats at Fenway. Photo via tipster Adam. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Found: Brewers Girl Is "Front-Row" Amy Williams, And She's Enjoying Getting To Know Deadspin's Readers
We dispatched the I-Team yesterday to solve the mystery of the lady who sits behind home plate at many Milwaukee Brewers games. A reader wanted to know who she was, presumably so she could spread her joy and Brewers fandom with the world at large....

Nice Backpack, Rookie
Your morning roundup for Aug. 29, the day we learned stale beer works wonders as a wood polish. Photo of Padres rookie Anthony Bass via Big League Stew. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

I-Team: A Reader Wants To Know More About The Buxom Lass Behind Home Plate At Miller Park (UPDATE)
Reader Derek writes in with a pressing question for the trusty, oft-Pulitzer-worthy Deadspin I-Team:...

Stories That Don’t Suck: SportsFeat's Guide To Sports Exile
Plaxico Burress is catching TDs for the Jets. The U may never play football again. Terrelle Pryor, who was ready to sit for a year, just finished his first NFL practice. With exiles starting, ending, and being averted, here are some great reads about players and coaches on the outs with the game tha...

Brave TV Reporter Gets A Mouthful Of Sewage-Seasoned Sea Foam To Seize The Big Story
Your morning roundup for Aug. 28, the day we give a shout out to aquatic fleas. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors. (Want more Tucker Barnes? Here.)...

Let's Watch Cesc Fabregas Score His First Highlight-Reel Goal For Barcelona
Your morning roundup for Aug. 27, the day Chevy Chase's resurgence finally got to Dan Aykroyd, but not necessarily to Bill Murray, because Bill Murray knows he's better than Ghostbusters 3. This, because he unequivocally is. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Cockblocked By Lovesickness!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Perhaps Bengals Fans Would Be Happier If They Were To Follow Carson Palmer's Lead
It's August 26, the day we keep hearing something about a hurricane that's apparently headed for New York City. Photo courtesy Trey, via @sportsfeeder1. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Derek Jeter And Minka Kelly Have Split, So Here's Your Chance, Dudes
Take that however you want to take it, single heterosexual male Yankees fans....

Looks Like The DePaul Assistant Coach's Home May Not Have Been Robbed After All
In the interest of fairness to unknown but besmirched burglars everywhere, here's a follow-up to the "Today In Horrible Quotes" post from yesterday morning. It was about a bummer of a break-in, but Act II features a police source telling the press that things may not have gone down as reported. Sta...

My Oh My Does Cole Hamels Look Like He Was Born To Walk The Runway
Earlier tonight, The Shane Victorino Foundation All-Star Celebrity Fashion Show was held in Philadelphia. It's for a good cause. This picture was taken there. Do with it what you will....

If You're Going To Pick A Fight With A Memphis Transit Security Guard, Make Sure It's Not The MMA Fighter-In-Training
When a Memphis Area Transit Authority security guard beat the piss out of some chump who was harassing the ladies outside a downtown station, the local ABC affiliate did God's work....

Now That He's Been Fired, The Town Of Park Ridge, Ill., Wants To Unname "Jim Hendry Way"
Poor Jim Hendry. He's been relieved of his general manager duties in Chicago, after he loaded the team up with bad contracts and badder mojo, and now things just get worse. They want to take away his street sign....

HOLY SHIT GIANT RAT IMPALED ON PITCHFORK
Let's stop worrying about earthquakes and hurricanes (and, for the east coast, natural disaster inferiority) and devote some time to the problem of the giant, possibly mutant rats living underneath our buildings....