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Crude Dick Joke, Or Another Nationals Typo?
Your morning roundup for June 22, the day we implored you to stand with the seals. Image via tipster BP (not me)....

Miss USA Candidates Attempt To Answer A Question About Evolution, Fail At It
I'll warn you that this video, compiled and edited by the Miami New Times, is uniquely horrific. In it, Miss USA Pageant 2011 contestants attempt to answer — or simply to formulate words in a coherent sentence about the idea proposed — whether or not evolution should be taught in schools. The New ...

"Too Much To Drink And Chasing Pussy": A Tour Of The W.V. Bars In Which Dana Holgorsen Allegedly Got Shitfaced
Before he even ascended to West Virginia's head football coaching job, Dana Holgorsen already had made news for upholding the Mountaineer tradition of alcohol enthusiasm. Our Appalachian bureau followed in Holgorsen's soggy footsteps to document the leading drinking establishments in the Wild and Wo...

"Too Much To Drink And Chasing Pussy": A Tour Of The W.V. Bars In Which Dana Holgorsen Allegedly Got Shitfaced
I'm a West Virginia native, and I have been to a great many bars in that state, so I know whereof I speak when I say that Dana Holgorsen, the new, occasionally sober head coach of the Mountaineers, has excellent taste. As you might remember, Holgorsen has been involved in several "alcohol-related in...

Kinder, Gentler Ozzie Guillen Will Still Kick Your Catcher's Mask Into Next Week
Your morning roundup for June 21, the day we literally flushed money down the toilet. (Video h/t Disco Choo, and pay attention to Geovany Soto's face)...

136 Bud Lights For Only $680! An Unscientific Analysis Of The Boston Bruins' Epic Bar Tab From Foxwoods
The photo of this receipt is hazy (full version here), and that's how it should be. Mere hours after riding through the streets of Boston in Duck Boats, the Bruins took the Stanley Cup to the MGM Grand at Foxwoods and set to drinking. First came the bottle of Bacardi and 18 sugar free Red Bulls. "Su...

Vince McMahon's Son Was Hanging Out With Rory McIlroy's Dad, For Some Reason
Your morning roundup for June 20, the day we got a healthy reminder that rich people are awful....

These Two Guys Would've Gotten Away With Busting Into Coors Field If It Wasn't For A Pesky Security Guard
Your morning roundup for June 19, the day some sexy finally came out of the Vancouver riots (it starts at 0:45 of this video), and the day we all wish a Happy Father's Day to the appropriate person in our lives....

RIP Clarence Clemons
"Clarence Clemons, the saxophonist in Bruce Springsteen's E Street Band, whose jovial onstage manner, soul-rooted style and brotherly relationship with Mr. Springsteen made him one of rock's most beloved sidemen, died Saturday at a hospital in Palm Beach, Fla. He was 69." [New York Times]...

Watch The Marlins Catcher Successfully Throw The Ball At Shane Victorino's Head
Your morning roundup for June 18, the day "propaganda vans touted the importance of stability" in the Jeans Capital of China. (Video H/T, Jimmy Greek)...

Stories That Don't Suck: SportsFeat's Guide To Wimbledon
A quick primer on SportsFeat: Every day, we post great sports writing from across the web, both new stuff and classics. A companion to Longform.org, the site is designed to be used with services like Instapaper and Read It Later, so you can read the stories later on your phone, iPad or Kindle. You c...

What’s It Like To Be Aggressively Licked?
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase five heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

"Nate McMillan?" Said The NBA Prospect. "What College Is That?"
Your morning roundup for June 17, the day we got educated about obnoxiously-educated NYU students. Video of Blazers prospect at a Blazers workout not knowing who the Blazers coach is via Eye On Basketball....

Help Identify Vancouver's Hardened Thugs Like This Guy (UPDATE)
After the public embarrassment comes the public shaming. Enterprising Vancouverites have set up a page where you can upload your photos of last night's troublemakers, and more importantly, identify any that you recognize. VPD will announce later today how to narc out these assholes (and we'll update...

A Terrible Beauty Is Born
Your morning roundup for June 16. Happy Comp-Lit-Major Christmas, everyone! Amazing photo via Getty Images....

The Boob-Showcasing Ukulele Girl Said She'd Return With An Encore If She Got 50K Hits, So Return She Has
When Sarah K. first solicited your assistance back in April, it was in an effort to win $10,000 from some freakish marketing contest in New Zealand. Something called Hitachi, or something....

Clint Dempsey Will Not Be Composing A Rap Song About This Moment
Your morning roundup for June 15, the day America finally got what it needed: more Fran Drescher....

Holding Farts In And You!
Yesterday, I took my wife's clothes to the dry cleaners, an errand I ran for her without her asking me to do so. And when I do something benevolent like that, I expect full credit and reams of endless praise for being so considerate. So I came home and left the dry cleaning ticket right out in the o...

Far Too Late, Roberto Luongo Realized Depth Perception Was Important To Goalies
Your morning roundup for June 14, the day we wished our father didn't love old comedians. (Thanks to Andy for the screengrab.)...

Your Canucks/Bruins Game Six Open Thread (Body-Painted Canadians Edition)
These young ladies, evidently advertising Ke$ha's tour of Nunavut (I assume that's what glittermachine.ca must be) were outside the arena in Vancouver before game five. (They come to us via @Sportsfeeder1.)...