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Is Tim Thomas Gonna Have To Check A Bitch?
Your morning roundup for June 7, the day Anna Kournikova turns 30. (Yes, only.)...

Your Canucks/Bruins Open Thread, Cute Baby Edition
Will the script flip as the series moves to Boston? Or will Vancouver move closer to winning the Cup for Canada, even though most of Canada seems to hate them? Here's your place to chat, until you can figure out what channel Versus is....

Mavericks Fan Sitting Behind George Lopez Speaks For All America
Your morning roundup for June 6, the day we learned the value of Bernie Madoff's underwear. H/T @bubbaprog, proprietor of mocksession.com, for accurately predicting what might tickle us this morning (and others for sending in their own grabs)....

This Would Be An Apt Metaphor If There Were An NBA Team Named The Sharks
Your morning roundup for June 5, the day we read about Gilbert Arenas' deep sea exploits....

Lil Jon Still Supports Dutch National Team Even After Drug Tourism Crackdown
Your morning roundup for June 4, the day our plumbing issues got put in perspective. Pic via....

Cockblocked By Hindu Marriage Traditions!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

How The Heat Lost (Dirk) And Why (This Guy's Uggs)
Your morning roundup for June 3, the day John Edwards learns that on-the-side diddling most certainly doesn't pay. (Photo via @MaZe1eR)...

Your National Spelling Bee Open Thread
Yeah, this is going to get MURDERED by the Finals tonight. But the Spelling Bee really is the tits. ESPN's coverage is a million times better this year, with Sage Steele instead of Erin Andrews (at least in the early rounds), and now they don't spoil the words for you before the kid starts to spel...

I've Been Staring At This Bizarre Photo For Almost A Minute And I Still Haven't Blinked (NSFW?)
For whatever reason, a reader named "Adem" sent this pic in an email without any logical explanation. So I leave it up to you people to figure out the sad, mysterious backstory of this screen-capture from what appears to be some sort of hostage situation at an S & M dungeon filled with fast food em...

Confessions Of A Second-Grade Reaganite
Ronald Reagan would have been 100 years old this year, but he's dead now and riding ponies up in heaven or something. I was in second grade in 1984, when Reagan defeated Walter Mondale in the biggest election landslide in American history. And for reasons unknown to me now, I appear to have adored t...

Three Penalties Came Out Of This Fight, And Zero Were For The Finger Bite
Your morning roundup for June 2, the day a museum curator finally recognized that one of Flavor Flav's 100+ neck clocks is worthy of celebratory display. Video via Mocksession....

Clint Hurdle Is Fine, Everybody
So this morning we alerted you to the mysteriously magenta visage of Pirates skipper Clint Hurdle. He is fine. We know that, now....

We Are Quite Worried About The Color Of Clint Hurdle's Face
Your morning roundup for June 1, the day we sold our novels. Screenshot via. We cracked the La Russa case. Can any dermatologists out there explain this one?...

Your NBA Finals Game One Open Thread
I suppose this is Where Amazing Happens, isn't it? NBA Finals, Mavericks vs. Heat, at American Airlines Arena in Miami (which is totally different from American Airlines Center, in Dallas), 9 p.m., ABC....

When Did You Lose Your Dead Body Card?
Yesterday I tried on one of those sweat-wicking polyester workout shirts, the kind that's skintight and utterly unflattering on someone like me. Anyway, I've got this thing on and it's just painted on me, it's so tight, and it occurred to me that the main reason people wear this kind of stuff isn't ...

This Is The Lovely Cupcake Carrier Tony Romo Got For His Wedding
Your morning roundup for May 31, the day we crashed our souped-up snowmobile at a barbecue....

Being Captain Of The Saint John Sea Dogs Does Not Entitle You To Spit In Memorial Cup, But Watch This Guy Do It Anyway (UPDATE: ?)
Your morning roundup for May 30, Memorial Day, the day we learned the Groupon Voice. Video via tipster Brent, who writes (with a French BlackBerry signature appended!), "Watch beardo spit into the Memorial Cup. His teammates will be drinking out of it. Fucking gross."...

FC Barcelona Proved They Were The Best Team In All Of Professional Sports Yesterday
Your morning roundup for May 29, the day Roger Ebert inexplicably gave two thumbs down to those who blatantly allowed two eyes to check out two foreign boobs....

German Women Adept At Milking Cows, Plowing Fields Vie For Calendar-Modeling Gig
Two hundred women applied but just 25 made the first cut. From there, the Hamburg Chamber of Trade will whittle down the list to determine who has what it takes to represent not only a nation, but a way of life, in the 2012 German Farm Girls Calendar....

Hockey Player Misses Five Minutes Of Game Time With Broken Face, Returns In Time For Season-Losing Goal
Your morning roundup for May 29, the day after death told the world that the puffy-faced Grandma Bandit was actually a man....