ale Page 142 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Barcelona And Valencia's Goalkeeper Swap Looks Shady As Hell
Yesterday, Barcelona announced that they had sold goalkeeper Jasper Cillessen to Valencia, for a fee of €35 million. Today, Valencia announced that they had sold goalkeeper Neto to Barcelona, for a fee of €26 million with €9 million in add-ons. In doing so, Barcelona and Valencia traded goalkeepers,...
The Madman Theory Of The Montreal/Tampa Bay Rays
Any self-respecting student of insane Machiavellian gambits should be familiar with the Madman Theory, Richard Nixon’s self-invented strategy for winning the war in Vietnam. The theory, as recounted by Nixon chief of staff H.R. Haldeman after he got out of jail for his role in Watergate, went like t...
Mickey Callaway And Jason Vargas Are Sorry That Their Actions Distracted From The Mets' General Suckiness
The Mets Metsed a lot yesterday, and in response to that Metsing, they prepared some apologies today. Sadly, they Metsed those, too....
What Was Jill Ellis Doing?
Yes, the United States beat Spain 2-1, thanks to two soft-ass penalties converted by Megan Rapinoe, to advance to the Women’s World Cup quarterfinals. And yes, we will get the clash of the titans between the USWNT and France on Friday in Paris. But it should not have been this difficult. The United ...
The Mets Are Metsing At An Alarming Rate
The high point of the Mets’ existence on Sunday, and not inconceivably of their entire season, came when the team’s Twitter account attempted to dunk on ... well, on Mets fans. Specifically those who had reacted to the posting of the day’s relatively punchless lineup with horror and disgust and pres...
Dick Vitale Breaks Huge NBA Trade, Walks It Back, Probably Misread A Tweet
This afternoon, ESPN basketball broadcaster Dick Vitale praised the New Orleans Pelicans for flipping the fourth pick in the NBA Draft for Indiana Pacers center Myles Turner. The alleged trade also somehow involved the Atlanta Hawks, who have the 10th pick....
Rays Suggest Playing Half Their Home Games In Montreal: Seriously, What The Hell?
Given all of the problems with the Rays—and there are many—dire situations call for nontraditional thinking. Like hanging out with your friends and smoking a ton of weed and wondering aloud Dude. What if a team could play in two cities? That is probably not how this proposed solution to the Rays’ at...
Longtime Track Coach And One-Time Olympian Charged With Sexual Battery Against Former Athlete
A longtime and prominent track coach and former Olympian was arrested in Los Angeles on Wednesday and charged with one felony count of sexual battery by fraud for allegedly molesting one of his former athletes. The arrest reportedly comes as the result of an Outside The Lines investigation that deta...
What The Hell Was Brad Marchand Doing On The Game-Winning Goal?
Brad Marchand does a lot of stupid shit, but usually not like this. Sure, he’s constantly trash-talking, poking, licking his opponents, trying to get a rise out of them through the simplest and pettiest ways possible. But Marchand’s dumb moment in Game 7 didn’t serve any larger purpose for himself o...
Is There Artistic Merit In This Painting Of A-Rod Sitting On His Toilet? An Investigation
The picture of former Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez sitting on his expensive, curtain-less Manhattan loo has become such a powerful cultural image that a tipster sent us a painting of it....
Twenty Years Ago, Bobby Valentine Snuck Back Into The Dugout And Woke Up The Mets
This is an excerpt from Matthew Callan’s book Yells For Ourselves: A Story Of New York City And The New York Mets At The Dawn Of The New Millennium....
Valentina Shevchenko Just About Kicked Jessica Eye's Head Off
Valentina Shevchenko defended her UFC flyweight title against Jessica Eye last night, and she wrapped up the fight in the second round with one of the most devastating head-kick knockouts the world has ever seen:...
American Teen Amanda Anisimova's Singular Backhand Tore Up The Defending French Open Champ
Amanda Anisimova has a good backhand, so good as to foreclose any technical critique from the peanut gallery. She’s 17 years old and it has already been described by tennis commentators, perhaps accurately, as the best backhand on tour, and, hyperbolically, as the best of all time. I’ll leave those ...
Alex Rodriguez Considers Crapping Out Of View
Earlier this month a photo of Alex Rodriguez taking a crap in his well-appointed bathroom made its way around the internet. The photo was snapped from a building adjacent to A-Rod’s home, which for some reason features a bathroom with a giant glass window facing out to the street. A-Rod is now consi...
Mesut Özil Has Become Arsenal's Most Expensive Liability
As he walked off the field in Baku during Arsenal’s embarrassing performance in the Europa League final, the relatively paltry numbers of Arsenal fans in attendance serenaded Mesut Özil with boos. Özil had just put in yet another lackluster performance in a big game for the Gunners, showing once aga...
Eden Hazard Leads Chelsea's Thumping Of Arsenal In Lopsided Europa League Final
It’s probably not surprising that the Europa League final—a match rife with controversy, low attendance, and teams traveling halfway across the world—was a snoozefest, but good God, was this boring. Chelsea beat Arsenal 4-1 to claim the club’s second Europa League title, lifting a trophy that means ...
Fresno Grizzlies Are Sorry For Memorial Day Video That Showed Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez As Freedom’s Enemy
Between games of a Memorial Day doubleheader, the Fresno Grizzlies displayed a video on the big screen for the holiday. Backed by a selection from Ronald Reagan’s first inaugural address—the parts about freedom and dignity and how America will never surrender, not the parts about shrinking the feder...
How The Hell Did Rudy Giuliani Select This Obscure Atlanta Hawks GIF?
Rudy Giuliani, a poorly preserved bog corpse, burped up a response of some kind to a video that was disrespectful to Nancy Pelosi....
The Europa League Final Is Going To Be A Lowly Attended Disaster
The Europa League final is the debacle that keeps on giving. After Arsenal confirmed that midfielder Henrikh Mkhitaryan would not be playing the final in Baku, Azerbaijan due to his Armenian heritage, reports are coming out that the stadium might be half-empty for what is ostensibly the second bigge...
The Bitter Life Of A Shattered Jockey: A Mostly True Story
The 1973 Philadelphia Sports Writers Association Awards banquet wasn’t lacking for starpower. Flyers legend Bobby Clarke, who became only the ninth player in NHL history to score 100 points with his 104-point 1972-73 campaign, was one of the honorees. So too was Penn State running back and newly-min...