ale Page 149 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Elbows Aren't Supposed To Bend This Way
Don’t watch this video of Lazio defender Riza Durmisi wrecking his arm (early reports say it’s a dislocated elbow) in the Europa League yesterday if you don’t want to see an elbow become double-jointed against its will:...
Fame And Fantasy In The Heavyweight Battle Of The Atlantic
A note before starting: Much of this was written before the Saturday, Sept. 22nd heavyweight title fight between Anthony Joshua and Alexander Povetkin held at Wembley Stadium in London, hence the two parts to the piece—before Wembley, and then upon arrival and afterwards. There is a lot of specula...
Alex Trebek Opens Pennsylvania Gubernatorial Debate With Joke Question About The Eagles
The Pennsylvania governor’s race pits Democratic incumbent Tom Wolf against former state senator Scott Wagner. There is one debate. It is tonight. Alex Trebek is moderating. During an on-stage interview before the debate, Trebek joked that he was drunk when he accepted the invitation. ...
Report: Former NBA Try-Hard Chris Dudley Once Allegedly Smashed A Pint Glass On Someone's Head While Defending Brett Kavanaugh
Hopeless free-throw shooter and failed gubernatorial candidate Chris Dudley was pals and drinking buddies with Brett Kavanaugh when the two attended Yale together from 1983 to 1987. Where young Brett tried and failed to make the men’s basketball team, Dudley was the team’s star center and went on to...
Carolina Hurricanes Continue To Dance On Hartford's Broken Corpse
Hartford, one of America’s shittiest cities, received more bad news today. The logo, music, and iconography of the Hartford Whalers—the scrappy lovable hockey team that Peter Karmanos uprooted in 1997 and moved to Raleigh, N.C.—have been officially appropriated by their successors, the Hurricanes....
Can The Red Sox Trust Chris Sale?
Chris Sale’s final regular season start for the Red Sox met expectations, at least in the most basic sense. The word before his start Wednesday night was that he would throw around 90 pitches, and he left the game after tossing 92. Against the lowly Orioles, Sale went 4.2 innings, getting eight Ks a...
Fastest Shed Crushes Fastest Shed's Speed Record
Imagine you are in a small building. The building has wheels. The building can move—vroom, vroom. The building has an engine that has recently exploded and resulted in months of mechanical issues afterward. Now imagine that you are in this building and you are making it do what Kevin Nicks did on S...
The Lakers' Wayward Bozos Assemble, And LeBron Gives Them A Tender Nickname
One of the funniest arcs of this NBA offseason was watching the Lakers roster coalesce around its new centerpiece, each new contract landing like a punchline. LeBron James is here now—the rest of his California-loving superteam is just dawdling, right? When does Paul George’s flight get in? Can’t K...
Rondale Moore’s Touchdown Probably Shouldn’t Have Counted
Purdue is on its way to upsetting No 23 Boston College and a potential 1-3 start to the season. Their offensive firepower throughout the game has been in no small part thanks to the Boilermakers’ freshman receiver Rondale Moore. His highlights so far are enough to let some wonder if he should be in ...
Soccer Man's Goal Celebration Takes Surprise Detour Into The Twilight Zone
Meet Benjamin Kololli, a 26-year-old soccer player currently plying his trade in Switzerland. Kololli was in Cyprus yesterday, with his squad FC Zürich playing a big match against AEK Larnaca. Kololli is an important player, so he would not have been shocked to have been placed smack dab in the midd...
How <i>Golf Digest</i> Started A Movement To Free A Man Wrongfully Convicted Of Murder
Golf Digest is not a political publication. Recent stories include “2018 Ryder Cup frequently asked questions” and “Web.com Tour introduces the Evans Scholars Invitational to schedule, with all proceeds aiding caddies’ college scholarships.” Many of the cover lines in the monthly print issue are ab...
The Darkest Form Of Basketball Is This Dead Whale Clanging Off A Dumpster
The wonderful state of New Hampshire—full disclosure: I grew up in New Hampshire—has made national news this week, as the world has been captivated by the Granite State’s inability to properly dispose of a dead minke whale that washed ashore at Jenness Beach in Rye Monday. Though a juvenile, the wha...
<i>Golf Digest</i> Helped Free An Innocent Man From Prison
In 2012, Golf Digest published a first-person essay by Valentino Dixon (co-written with Max Adler, the magazine’s editorial director). Dixon had never played golf, never even stepped foot on a golf course; he was an inmate at Attica Correctional Facility in New York. He was serving 39-to-life for a ...
Reddit Founder Logs On To Defend His Wife Serena Williams, Wrestles With His Own Creation<em></em>
Reddit’s co-founder Alexis Ohanian has been steadily posting online in support of his wife, Serena Williams, after her well-documented spat with an umpire in the U.S. Open final. One recent tweet by Ohanian called attention to an infamous Roger Federer outburst at the 2009 U.S. Open final, drawing a...
Orioles Catcher Caleb Joseph Wants All His Teammates To Think About How Badly They Suck
The Orioles have won 43 games this season. They’ve lost 107. They are tied with the 1988 team for most losses in franchise history. Given all this, it’d be bigger news if players weren’t talking about how much the team sucks, but catcher Caleb Joseph, who’s been with the organization since he was ...
Sunday Was Hell Day For Kickers
“Professional football placekicker” has to be a tough job. Either you make all your kicks and people think you’ve done what’s expected of you, or you miss one (or two! Or three or four!) and you get trashed and maybe fired....
Yes, The Browns Are Getting A New Kicker
The Browns lost by three points in a game they missed eight points’ worth of kicks. A particularly painful loss even for a team that’s had a lot of them, and a miserable game for second-year kicker Zane Gonzalez. This is of no consolation to anyone involved, but it’ll be Gonzalez’s last game as a Br...
Alexander Ovechkin Gains Vitality From Booze
The Capitals are mostly pretty chill about the perception that they perhaps partied too hard after winning the Stanley Cup, and the fact that their boozy celebrations inspired new rules about the way champions are allowed to handle the Cup. Anyway, that’s the gist of an ESPN report that depicts the ...
Pitt Assistant Coach Says He Hasn't Left His Office Since Losing To Penn State, Prefers Flat Soda
Penn State trounced Pitt 51-6 last weekend, and nobody is taking that loss harder than Panthers tight ends coach Tim Salem. Fueled by a steady diet of carbonation-free, ice-cold chartreuse soda, Salem has spent the last few days in his office grinding non-stop. He hasn’t really slept at all, presuma...
God Bless The Capitals' Party Dummies For Partying Harder Than Any Team Is Allowed To Ever Again
After 44 years without a championship, the Washington Capitals nabbed the franchise’s first Stanley Cup in June. And then they partied about it. They partied, you guys....