Pitt Assistant Coach Says He Hasn't Left His Office Since Losing To Penn State, Prefers Flat Soda

Penn State trounced Pitt 51-6 last weekend, and nobody is taking that loss harder than Panthers tight ends coach Tim Salem. Fueled by a steady diet of carbonation-free, ice-cold chartreuse soda, Salem has spent the last few days in his office grinding non-stop. He hasn’t really slept at all, presumably because REST is for those who don’t want to be the BEST. Feast your eyes on one blustery, serious college football assistant coach quote:

If civilian tasks like “going home” and “being a husband” are sufficiently distracting to the point that Salem forces himself to sleep five hours a night on a cot in his office, he very well could stay there for the entire season and leave only for games and practices. Salem is the most dedicated college football assistant, until his peers see his ascetic devotion to his job and become inspired to live full-time at their facilities, forever, to prove their loyalty.