america Page 183 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Russia Beat Team North America At Its Own Game
Hockey is a young person’s sport. In Team Russia’s thrilling 4-3 World Cup group play win over Team North America, which consists of players 23 and under, all four of Russia’s goals were scored by players younger than 25....
Lindsey Graham Wants To Destroy America
Nary a single flag-humping horse’s ass, badge-licking fraud, or smarmy nostalgic thinkfluencer in the Western Hemisphere passed up the chance to display performative patriotism in the wake of Colin Kaepernick’s ongoing national anthem protest. Here in 2016, national fabrics both figurative and liter...
Team North America Is An Absolute Blast
Team USA shit the bed, losing 3-0 to Team Europe. If they don’t get a point from Canada tomorrow night, their tournament is probably over. (So it’s probably over.) Bummer, after all that hype. But—ah!—the World Cup of Hockey had just this scenario in mind, when they created your perfect backup team ...
Lions And Titans Combine For 29 Penalties In A Battle Of The Inept
Today’s Titans-Lions game was a sloppy showing between two teams that seemed to have no self-discipline on the field....
Orioles Post Lots Of Pretty Numbers As They Make A Run For The AL East<em></em>
The addition of a second wild card has kept plenty of teams playing meaningful games around Major League Baseball well into September. But when it comes to the real pennant races, only the AL East is any fun. ...
Judgment At Urineberg: Did Hillary Get Pneumonia Because She Hates Peeing?<em></em>
So of course by now you’ve seen the distressing video of Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton teetering and wobbling as a phalanx of staffers try to stuff her into a bitchin’ black conversion van at a 9/11 memorial ceremony this past Sunday. Here it is again:...
MAC Suspends Officials Who Allowed Central Michigan To Pull Off Miracle Upset
The Mid-American Conference has suspended the officiating crew that botched what should have been the final play of Saturday’s Central Michigan-Oklahoma State game, giving the Chippewas a final, untimed down on which they scored a spectacular game-winning touchdown....
They Shouldn’t Play The National Anthem Before Sporting Events
Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here. Buy his book here....
Christian Pulisic Is Already Here
So much of the talk around Christian Pulisic is in the future tense. How good could he be, how soon will he be ready to play every week for Dortmund, when should he look to move to a first team elsewhere. This is fine, since he’s 17 and has been playing first-team soccer for less than a year. Howeve...
I Respect <i>American Ninja Warrior's</i> Complete Lack Of Mercy
I don’t watch American Ninja Warrior all that often, but every time I do I find myself enjoying it far more than I expected. Last night, NBC aired Week 1 of the National Finals, and it was a rad time. Bunches of seasoned competitors were undone by a particularly difficult course, and Jessie Graff be...
America's Shameful Youth Development Exposed When 40 Kids Lose To Xabi Alonso And Arturo Vidal
We’ve harped on this point many times before, but sometimes it takes a concise, visual representation of an issue for the masses to internalize it. This video, made during Bayern Munich’s summer U.S. tour, depicting just two men—Xabi Alonso and Arturo Vidal—running roughshod over 40 American kids sh...
National Parks, Ranked
This is a barren time in the sports calendar. We are in a desolate trough between the international intrigue of the Olympics and the drama and nonsense of football season. I’m goddamn bored. Coincidentally, the National Parks Service turns 100 years old today. Unlike late August, the National Parks ...
The Worst Of <i>American Ninja Warrior</i>'s Terrible Commentary
Rescuing us all from a post-Olympics malaise, American Ninja Warrior returned on Monday night with its Philadelphia city finals. Now in its eighth season, ANW has provided us with plenty of wow-worthy moments, such as Kacy Catanzaro’s first female completion of a city finals course and Isaac Caldier...
A Pretty Good Theory Of Donald Trump
Donald Trump is Max Bialystock. Let me explain....
Chelsea Players Don't Know Anything About America
Out in sunny California for their preseason training/money-grabbing tour, a few Chelsea players took a break from running their legs off to be tested on their knowledge of American history. They, uh, don’t know much....
Officials Resign After Czech Bowl Ends On Championship-Deciding Blown Call
NFL training camps start kicking off today, but football did not take the summer off. Czech Bowl XXIII, the championship of the Czech League of American Football, was held on Saturday, with the Prague Black Panthers winning their 15th title in a hard-fought 10-9 victory over crosstown rival Prague L...
Minnesota United Goalkeeper Concedes Maybe The World's Dumbest Own Goal
I am wary of lapsing into superlatives over every old highlight, but with that qualifier out of the way, this might be the dumbest own goal I have ever seen....
Alexis Sanchez's Ankle Injury Is Pretty Gruesome-Looking
Alexis Sanchez had to leave the Copa America final before the penalty shootout on account of Gabriel Mercado caught him with a nasty tackle that left him unable to play past the 104th minute. Chile won anyway, thanks to Messi’s chokejob, but Alexis’ ankle has ballooned up and it looks like the podia...
God Fucking Dammit, Gonzalo Higuaín
At this point, it’s pretty hard to dismiss out of hand the notion that Gonzalo Higuaín—unquestionably one of the best forwards in the sport, fresh off a historically great season—might be a sleeper agent embedded in the Argentine national team for the express purpose of bringing the team, the countr...
Why Lionel Messi's "Retirement" Is Probably Just A Threat
It might have been merely frustration: Three straight years of making international finals, three straight finals losses in extra time or on penalties. Or it might have been the last night of Argentina as we know it....