america Page 184 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Colombian Heavy Metal "¡GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!" Clocks In At 37 Seconds
Yeah, so Colombia took an early lead on the U.S. in tonight’s Copa América third-place match, but that means we once again get to check in on the cybernetic-lunged “El Cantante del Gol,” Javier Fernández. Tonight’s heavy metal “¡Gol!” spanned 37 seconds of uninterrupted, uh, “¡Gol!”-ing. I can’t eve...
Hater-Ass Diego Maradona Is Lowkey Shit-Talking Argentina's National Team Again
Argentina, you may remember, just Hulk-smashed the USMNT in the Copa América Centenario earlier this week to earn a spot in the Copa final—the third consecutive tournament title match the Albiceleste have competed in. Understandably, someone asked former Argentina great and current waterlogged greml...
Idiot On The Field Leads Slapstick Chase Through Copa America Match, Eventually Gets Bodyslammed
Chile vs. Colombia was exciting during the first half, nonexistent for the next two hours, then soggy and boring for the second half. Thankfully, stoppage time featured an amazing moment in Idiot On The Field history, as this enterprising dumbass managed to escape a sizable horde of the security tea...
Thank You, Lionel Messi, For Demolishing The USMNT
It’s hard to think of an image that better encapsulates the confidence permeating Lionel Messi and—through osmosis, if nothing else—his fellow Argentine teammates than those few moments right before he took that free kick against the U.S. last night....
A Good Shitkicking Is What U.S. Soccer Needed
There are two ways to absorb the U.S.’s 4-0 pantsing at the hands of an overwhelmingly superior Argentina side. The first is fatalist, and is espoused by ESPN’s Doug McIntyre. It holds that this drubbing was so utter and so complete that there’s nothing constructive to take from the loss, no insight...
World's Best Soccer Players Offer Their Takes On USMNT
The USMNT took their swing at Argentina and got taken apart like an insect in the hands of a cruel child. I don’t have any takes other than that the U.S. needed to let Christian Pulisic cook earlier and that three-quarters of FS1's broadcast crew picking them to win was absurd....
![Idiot On The Field Bows Down To Messi [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/x52qls9dnrwuf9oepl5q.jpg)
Idiot On The Field Bows Down To Messi [Update]
Fox cameras didn’t show this enterprising Idiot On The Field, who clearly regards Messi as some sort of soccer god. Given his free kick shortly before, this is at least up for discussion, and our man here bowed down, took a selfie, and had plenty of time with Messi....
Lionel Messi Puts U.S. In The Trash With Incredible Free Kick
The USMNT is currently floundering against the mighty Argentines, who scored an easy dinker after the U.S. defense capitulated en masse, then followed it up with this gorgeous Messi screamer past a flapping Brad Guzan....
Chile's Win Over Mexico, As Called By Wrestling Legend "J.R." Jim Ross
Chile obliterated Mexico in last night’s Copa América quarterfinal, running up a seven-spot and keeping El Tri scoreless. As is our custom, here are all those goals as called by wrestling legend Jim “J.R.” Ross....
Bring On Argentina
Last night, the United States Men’s National Team took down Ecuador to book a trip to the semifinals of the Copa America. They’ve made it further than Brazil, Uruguay, and one of Mexico/Chile will, and for a team that struggled to score legit goals for most of 2016, a noble loss in the semis is a mo...
Holy Shit, The USMNT Is In The Copa América Semifinals!
When we learned that the USMNT would be playing Ecuador—a team whose relatively middling reputation on the international scene belies their legitimate talent—for the right to compete in the Copa América semis, we were hopeful about the U.S.’s chances to progress but also a little worried about the s...
USA Take 1-0 Lead On Ecuador With Clint Dempsey Goal
The U.S. have waged war on Ecuador’s back line early in tonight’s Copa América quarterfinal matchup, and Clint Dempsey finally found the needed finish as his header made it past Alexander Dominguez for a 1-0 lead in the 22nd minute....
Series Of Cascading Errors Gifts Panama A Nice Lil' Goal
Panama have a chance to knock Chile out of the Copa America and join their CONCACAF friends (USA and Mexico) in the quarterfinals if they beat Chile this evening. Thanks to a terrible pass by a center back and some fumbling goalkeeping work, they got an early lead against the Chileans....
No One Understands Soccer's Rules, And That's A Problem
In training last week I nicked a player from behind in an 8v8 game, he fell to the ground, and we scored off the turnover. Our coach, acting as referee from the sideline, asked if I fouled him. I always have the natural instinct to say no chance; there’s no asterisk next to a W in the results column...
Venezuela Scissor Kick Their Way Ahead Of Mexico
Venezuela and Mexico are both going to advance to the quarterfinals of the Copa America, but the winner gets to avoid Argentina, so both teams have plenty to play for. The Venezuelans struck first and took a 1-0 lead thanks to José Velázquez going all upside down and smashing it past José Corona....
So The USMNT Maybe, Might, Possibly Could Win The Copa América?
Heading into the Copa América Centenario, Jürgen Klinsmann placed the U.S.’s target on a spot in the semifinals. This sounded like a textbook managerial oversell. It was hard to imagine how the USMNT, in a tournament (of trumped-up importance or not) with teams like Argentina and Brazil and Colombia...
Peru Knock Brazil Out Of Copa América On Obvious, Uncalled Handball
Peru earned their first in-competition win over Brazil since 1975 thanks to an incredibly obvious handball that interrupted the game for several minutes and appeared to leave the referee in a state of catatonic confusion....