america Page 186 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Colombia Take 2-0 Lead; At Least We Get The Heavy Metal Goal Call
A handball in the box set James Rodríguez up for a penalty that put Colombia up 2-0 on the U.S., and our only consolation is that we get to listen to El Cantante del Gol, Javier Fernández, call it—as heard in Colombia on Caracol TV....
The USMNT Needs To Go Young Or Die
The United States Men’s National Team will open the Copa America Centenario—a wonderfully entertaining Frankentournament that the U.S. is hosting only through sheer force of corruption—with a match against Colombia tonight in Santa Clara, Calif. Colombia is the shit. They could have taken down Brazi...
Reports: Mexican Striker Alan Pulido Kidnapped
Mexican media sources are reporting Alan Pulido is missing after reportedly being taken by armed kidnappers outside a restaurant in his hometown of Ciudad Victoria, where the Olympiakos striker had returned following the end of the Greek league season....
Beer To Rebrand As America Itself
When you go to pluck a Budweiser from a cooler anytime between May 23 and the November election, it will plainly read “America,” as if brewed from our very amber waves of grain. (Though their site informs us that they borrow some of Canada’s barley waves too.) This is great news for anyone looking t...
Someone Should Have Died In<i> Captain America: Civil War</i>
I loved Captain America: Civil War. It was fun and somehow pulled off the monumental feat of not being a bloated, nonsensical mess despite the presence of like 734 super heroes. Except one thing: no one of importance dies in Captain America: Civil War, and someone should have....
Nyquist, Still Undefeated In 8 Starts, Easily Wins The Kentucky Derby
The favorite Nyquist ran a smooth, fast race in a dampened Kentucky Derby, breaking on the outside and holding off Exaggerator down the stretch to win in 2 minutes, 1 second and change. He’s the clean horse in the photo there, sailing along and blasting crudlets of mud over the rest of the field, re...
A Year Later, Triple Crown Winner American Pharoah Is Just A Fucking Champion
For the 142nd running of the Kentucky Derby, John Clay at the Lexington Herald-Leader caught up with last year’s winner, American Pharoah. That colt went on from Churchill Downs to win the Preakness, the Belmont, and the Breeder’s Cup, the only horse ever to do so. Having achieved all a horse cares ...
<i>Captain America: Civil War </i>Is Too Much And Just Enough
Yo dawg, Captain America: Civil War heard that you like superhero movies, so it installed several pleasantly extraneous superhero movies in your superhero movie so you could watch more superhero movies during your superhero movie. It is the Pizza Box, the Double Down, the Quesarito of the form. Pre...
Get Fucked, John Kasich
What even was John Kasich’s sweaty, affronted, whatever-happened-to-the-responsible-grownups-in-this-party act if not an even more insulting and ahistorical version of “Make America Great Again”? When was the last time the Republican Party had responsible grownups? When it sold a needless, catastrop...
Farewell To Ted Cruz, Self-Made Sucker
Ted Cruz, the worst possible man, lost the Indiana Republican primary to Donald Trump yesterday. He’d staked it as his last stand in the nominating race, even brokering a cynical armistice with John Kasich to unify anybody-but-Trump voters in the state, and got clobbered anyway, by some 17 percentag...
Argentina Follows Mexico's Lead, Uses Donald Trump To Troll America
We’re beginning to learn that Donald Trump quotes about the impending ruination of America are great fodder for chopping up and serving back to us in the form of troll bait. A Mexican TV station started the trend last year, and now Argentina’s TyC Sports has followed suit....
MLS Just Keeps Getting Bigger And Bigger
MLS might have trouble ever becoming the best soccer league in the world, but it’s well on its way towards becoming the biggest!...
Christian Pulisic, The Latest "Savior Of American Soccer," Is More Than Just Hype
You can count the number of soccer teams in the world better than Borussia Dortmund on one hand. Last season, the German club struggled with the loss of Robert Lewandowski and the impending loss of Jürgen Klopp and wound up with a sorry seventh-place league finish. One year later and they are back a...
Balls, Ranked
God has blessed us with so many balls. Here they all are, definitively ranked from worst to best. ...
Clinton: You're Too Broke For A Candidate Who Represents You
Here is a hell of a tweet:...
Last Night Showed Why The USMNT Still Sucks
In the headliner of last night’s pivotal spread of U.S. international soccer matches, with Jürgen Klinsmann coming under the most fervent and wide-spread criticism he’s met in his tenure as manager, the USMNT performed how they should have and pasted Guatemala 4-0. Like they were always going to. Th...
Did The Media Create Donald Trump? (No.)
So the question of the moment is: Did the media create Donald Trump?...
How Vapid And Racist And Cloistered Is The American Media, Really?
Tragedies—like yesterday’s terrorist attack in Brussels—deserve and receive immediate international media attention. In America, we dedicate a particularly breathless, all-encompassing sort of coverage to violent news out of Western European countries. To put it another way: white people suffering g...
Carlos Beltran Has A Heartbreaking Story About Not Being Able To Order Food When He Broke Into Baseball
For the first time this season, MLB is mandating that all clubs have full-time Spanish translators. Previously, teams had hired translators on an ad hoc basis, or informally used bilingual coaches and teammates to help young Latin players navigate interviews and interactions....
Marco Rubio Will Have To Find Another Bed To Shit
Marco Rubio may very well be the emptiest suit to have campaigned for national office in my lifetime. He makes Paul Ryan look like Benjamin Disraeli....