america Page 187 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Jeb Bush Is Not A Joke; He's A Sack Of Shit
Jeb Bush finally—fucking finally—dropped out of the Republican primary campaign over the weekend, by my reckoning at least a few months later than observable reality said he should. Nobody wanted him to be president. Possibly he himself did not really want to be president, so much as he wanted not t...
Shut Up, We Can Do This
Last night was the draw for the Copa America Centenario, this summer’s tournament bringing together the best of North and South America, and as hosts, the U.S. had reason to hope for a favorable draw. It really could not have gone much worse. ...
Lifelong Failure Carly Fiorina Does What She Does Best
If Carly Fiorina’s life were a television series, last Wednesday’s season finale would have occasioned a lot of groaning about lazy formulas. Really? Another season ending with Carly an utter abject failure, and the people who worked for her unemployed? For chrissakes, House was more unpredictable t...
Rand Paul Was Always Bullshit
Rand Paul dropped out of the Republican presidential campaign after he came up shy of five percent in the Iowa caucus. This must have been a tremendous disappointment to ... well, nobody....
Farewell To Viral Internet Man Rick Santorum
Once upon a time, Rick Santorum was an ambitious young legislator whose considerable oratorical skills and policy fluency existed in unsteady balance with social views that make St. Paul look like Aleister Crowley. Now he is a slang term for the frothy mix of lube and shit that sometimes is a byprod...
Documents: Mets Owners' Real Estate Fund Was $300 Million In The Hole This Past June
The owners of the New York Mets are no strangers to financial calamity. After losing $550 million in Bernie Madoff’s Ponzi scheme and paying out $80 million to settle a lawsuit claiming they were in on the scheme, Fred and Jeff Wilpon managed to keep their team by taking out loans and slashing payro...
Mike Huckabee's Campaign Charade Is Over, So That His Other Charades Might Continue
Driving south on Interstate 95 through Maryland, eventually you come to the I-495 interchange near College Park. If you stay on I-95, then for the next little while, you also are on I-495, the Capital Beltway; the routes are concurrent, sharing the same physical road. Farther along, in Springfield, ...
Martin O'Malley, A Stock Photo Of A Handsome Man, Ends His Presidential Bid
Generic man Martin O’Malley ended his campaign for the Democratic presidential nomination last night. The Iowa caucus was rough on the former Baltimore mayor and Maryland governor: Once poll-workers sorted out the caucus-goers who thought they were standing in line to get their photo taken with “tha...
The Seahawks Warned The Cardinals About Carolina's Turf
The Seahawks could not have possibly had a worse start to their divisional-round loss to the Panthers last week, throwing two picks and allowing two defensive touchdowns and falling behind 21-0 in the first 15 minutes. And, at least to some extent, Pete Carroll blamed the grass....
Jordan Morris Joining MLS Is A Good Thing, For Now
It took a rule change, a tense few days worrying whether he’d make his professional career announcement wearing a different shade of green, and probably more than a little soul-searching, but MLS has landed its man. Jordan Morris has officially signed with the Seattle Sounders after rejecting an off...
If You Never Liked <i>Once Upon A Time In America</i>, Give The Director's Cut A Chance
Michael Sragow’s review of the director’s cut of Once Upon a Time in America appeared in the March 5, 1985 edition of The Boston Phoenix and appears here with the author’s permission. ...
Robert Sarver's Purchase Of Mallorca Is An Indictment Of The American Soccer System
Phoenix Suns owner and amateur intergenerational psychologist Robert Sarver has purchased a controlling stake in Mallorca, a Spanish soccer club currently playing in the country’s second division. The move is presumably good for Sarver and the rest of his ownership group, which includes noted soccer...
Those Jamokes In Oregon Aren't Terrorists, They're Jamokes
The American political lexicon has an appropriate word for the armed men conspicuously loitering in part of Oregon’s Malheur National Wildlife Refuge instead of going home. It is not terrorist or militia or occupation or revolution or movement or front or army or resistance. The word is jamoke. “Get...
You Know Who Should Run For President? George Pataki
I mean, if the guy could get elected governor of New York as a Republican, he could be a heckuva candi—...
This New Year, Resolve To Ignore Abby Wambach's Bad Opinions
Last week, USWNT legend Abby Wambach played the final match of her career with the national team. This should have been time only for rapturous praise of her long and illustrious career, with everyone acknowledging everything she’s done for the sport as she rode off into the sunset (or whatever coun...
Fuck Off, Lindsey Graham
Lindsey Graham announced the end of his campaign for the 2016 Republican presidential nomination this morning. Don’t worry! He wants you to know that he still believes in his plan to wage needless war on a distant millenarian death cult whose lifeblood is the Western antagonism that certifies its ri...
The Horse People Are Mad Online
This morning, Sports Illustrated announced that Serena Williams is the magazine’s sportsperson of the year. Williams took home the title despite losing to racehorse American Pharoah in the fan vote, and people who like horses are very mad about this....
Dana White: I'm Voting For Donald Trump
I mean, look, as a fight fan and as an American I feel like I should question why anyone would care about who Dana White is voting for; go on about why Dana White shouldn’t be okay with a guy who’s been in the news for wanting to ban Muslims from the United States; muse on whether publishing an item...
Happy 20th Birthday To <i>This American Life</i>, Which Is Way Darker Than You Think
Halfway through the second episode of the third season of Girls, Lena Dunham’s character has one of her signature meltdowns and is left alone in the woods by her friends. When the camera cuts back to her later, she’s lying on the ground in the fetal position with her headphones in, and we hear the d...
The Copa América Centenario Is Going To Be Awesome
South America’s continental championship, the Copa América, has never received the prestige it perhaps deserves. Despite being contested among some of world soccer’s great powers, like Brazil, Argentina, and Uruguay, it has never risen to the level of consciousness of the World Cup, the Euros, the O...