america Page 208 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Meet Your New American Gladiators
What better way to start burying our infamous 'Nightmare Ant' overlord than with another entry into the timeless "nightmare fuel" tag? Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce to you ... one of you newest American Gladiators ... HELLGA!...
Just A Few More Weeks Until American Gladiators
Shouted over the PA, we hear directions given to these muscle-bound freaks of nature. The director says things like, "Howl for me, Wolf," and "More posing, Justice" and my personal favorite - "Look menacingly while you stare at your balls" (he was referring to the giant balls that were swinging from...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch after mourning another Doonesbury war casualty ... • NFL: New England at Baltimore. And a quarterback named Kyle shall lead them ... [ESPN] • NHL: Dallas at Columbus. A blue, sport coat, and a pink, carnation (doo waa) I'm all dressed up for the dance ... [Versus] • College women's bas...
Bonds Blogdome
What they're saying about Barry Bonds' federal indictment on perjury charges ......
Yao Vs. Yi: 250 Million Chinese Viewers Can't Be Wrong
It's a fine Friday afternoon as Awful Announcing asks the musical question, is anyone aware that the largest television audience ever for a sporting event could take place tonight? That's right folks, it's Yi vs. Yao! From the Houston Chronicle:...
What's Stu Scott's Next Poetry Jam?
AJ Daulerio's Cultural Oddsmaker runs every Friday. Email him to let him know what you think....
You, Too, Can Battle A Gladiator
As you might have heard, NBC is bringing back "American Gladiators" as a midseason replacement this year. This is, of course, outstanding news, though we have a feeling they'll make everybody cut their hair....
Who's the Next MLB Player To Bang Alyssa Milano?
AJ Daulerio's Cultural Oddsmaker runs every Friday. Email him to let him know what you think.)...
Shane Matthews Is Causing You Phone Spam
It's becoming difficult to tell all these new upstart football leagues apart. There's Mark Cuban's, there's the other AFL, there's that weird one with Maurice Clarett that never got off the ground ... there's just a ton of them....
About Last Night
What you missed while mowing the front lawn with scissors ... • College baseball: No ants for you! Oregon State 7, UC Irvine 1. • MLB: Sammy Sosa hits No. 600, pending results of your analysis. • MLS: Just a glorified Crew ... Columbus over Kansas City 2-1, like we had to tell you....
Sebastien Gacond Is Gay (As Long As You Make It Clear It's The "Happy" Kind Of Gay)
This is Sebastien Gacond. He is a professional triathlete, which is impressive; it must be difficult to be an athlete with three major appendages. He is also not gay. Not gay at all. Nothing gay about Sebastien Gacond. He is all man. It is extremely important that you understand this....
Malibu Was Healed By Mother Nature
If you haven't had the opportunity to revel in the "American Gladiators" reruns on ESPN Classic — truly the greatest programming currently airing on the vast family of networks — we can't recommend them enough. Just Call Me Juice discovered this little piece of genius, which is the least you can exp...
Italy Is Gaining On Us? Inconceivable!
One thing we know about yacht racing: When you change your dock-out song and still lose, it was not meant to be. For the first time in 24 years, there will be no U.S. team in the Louis Vuitton Cup final. Luna Rossa of Italy beat the Americans to clinch the best-of-nine semifinals, 5-1. Yes, we have ...
Hey Everyone! Let's Go Sailing!
America's Cup season is here, so why aren't youngsters crowding the docks for autographs and affixing posters of Oracle CEO Larry Ellison on their walls? We have no idea. Jut take a look at Tuesday's Louis Vuitton Cup semifinal series action from Spain:...
For Your Sunday Afternoon Viewing Pleasure...
12:00, ESPN2. IndyCar Racing. Indianapolis 500 Time Trials. 12:00, ESPNU. College Lacrosse. Georgetown vs. Princeton. 1:00, ESPN Classic. American Gladiators. 7 consecutive episodes. 1:30, TBS. MLB. Atlanta Braves @ Pittsburgh Pirates. 2:00, NBC. PGA Golf. The Players Championship, Final Round. 2:00...
You Will Honor "God Bless America," Or The Yankees Will Have You Shot
We want to make this absolutely clear: We love America. We love it. We love the freedom to speak our mind, we love we are allowed to wear American flag underpants, we love that we can super size any combo meal, regardless of which sandwich we choose. We love it here....
American Gladiators, You Have Been Missed
If you're struggling to find something to help pass the time before this evening's festival of basketball, I can't recommend ESPN Classic strongly enough right now. We're in the midst of a 7-episode American Gladiators marathon, starring Zap, Gemini, Malibu, Sunny, Joe Theismann, and a contestant na...
Land Of The Giants
One would think that a team with four seven-footers in the starting lineup wouldn't need a last-second shot to win. But this is the American Basketball Association, where the official rules more resemble Calvinball than anything. Why didn't someone inform us earlier that, in their finale against the...
New ABA Coach Has Cleanest Rain Gutters In His Neighborhood
We love the Dodge City Legends' motion offense; the one in which their center sets picks at the top of the key. Because it's important to keep the tallest player in the history of organized basketball as far away from the basket as you can at all times. You've probably heard of Sun Ming Ming, a nati...
Just Blow Into This Tube, Mr. Tyson
Mike Tyson, ex-pugilist extraordinairre, gnawer of earlobes, raper of women, can add a new dubious title to his evergrowing legend: possessor of cocaine. Yes, its seems early yesterday morning in Scottsdale, Arizona, America's favorite boxer who can no longer box was pulled over during a routine che...