ant Page 689 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
1st Round, Nineteenth Overall: Panthers Select Jeff Otah
Let's measure the Otah draft buzz throughout his career in decibels (dB): 1) Leaves JUCO as a lanky ex-basketball player; wins starting job at Pitt (10 dB; rustling leaves) 2) Stones Chris Long repeatedly in Virginia-Pitt game (70 dB; Space Shuttle launch in your kitchen) 3) Suffers minor injury in...
1st Round, Thirteenth Overall: Panthers Select Jonathan Stewart
Okay, where's Tanier going here? Is going to go the "Jon Stewart" route and make lots of Daily Show (or "The Faculty") references? Is he going to make fun of Oregon's Rejected Nickelodeon Teen Superhero uniforms? Maybe go old school for some Jimmy Stewart references? ...
1st Round, Third Overall: Falcons Select Matty Ice
The Falcons wish to remain anonymous. After a year of dog torturing and climb-out-the bathroom-window coach quitting, the team would like to return to the quiet old days when David Archer was the quarterback and the average crowd rivaled the turnout on the Asia reunion tour. They hired someone name...
Barry Zito Rules The Kingdom Of Fail
Barry Zito and the Giants; has there been a worse investment, ever? That SUV you bought in 2006, perhaps? The first 12 episodes of John From Cincinnati? You've got to hand it to him though; even after struggling through his suckiest performance of the season on Tuesday, he faced reporters afterward...
Sir, You Seem To Have Dropped Your Terrible Towel
For those of you out there whose Mondays feel incomplete without a naked picture of a Pittsburgh Steeler, your day is about to pick up a bit. First, it was kicker Jeff Reed, snapping a picture of his freshly shorn pubis region then having it hit the web. Now, wide receiver Santonio Holmes has allege...
Tim Duncan: Awesomming From Everywhere (Even Three-Point Range)
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who's freaking excited about the freaking playoffs. So if you hear about him doing anything else at any time, it wasn't really him. Unless he's talking about beersomnia and bad movies at Basketbawful. Enjoy! Tim Duncan was legen...wait for it...dary. Timm...
Tim Duncan, With Emotion AND 3-Point Range
San Antonio won 117-115 in double overtime to take the 1-0 series lead. Timothy Duncan finished with a cool ranch 40 points. Stay tuned for Game 2, when more rarities surface: Shaquille O'Neal makes a 3-point shot. Bruce Bowen helps up the guy he just knocked down. And Steve Nash guards someone....
Phoenix Versus San Antonio: The Rivalry Renewed Series
Over the next few days, Basket Bawful and Free Darko will be previewing each NBA Playoff series. Basket Bawful looks at the Western Conference today, finishing with the series between the San Antonio Spurs and the Phoenix Suns, which begins Saturday....
Free Darko On San Antonio-Phoenix
We're looking at every NBA Playoff series through the eyes of both Free Darko and Basket Bawful. Here's Free Darko's look at the San Antonio Spurs-Phoenix Suns series. Your author is Dr. LawyerIndianChief....
Free Darko On Boston-Atlanta
We're looking at every NBA Playoff series through the eyes of both Free Darko and Basket Bawful. Here's Free Darko's look at the Boston Celtics-Atlanta Hawks series. Your author is Bethlehem Shoals....
Who's Sorry Now? Melo Edition
There is possibly no one on earth who is sorrier than Carmelo Anthony right now; his DUI arrest on Monday has placed him in a state of regret that can actually be seen from space. Call it the Great Wall of Remorse. We just couldn't ignore it here at Who's Sorry Now. Here's his statement, found on th...
Atlanta Versus Boston: The Execution Series
Over the next few days, Basket Bawful and Free Darko will be previewing each NBA Playoff series. Basket Bawful looks at the Eastern Conference today, starting with the series between the Boston Celtics and the Atlanta Hawks, which begins Sunday....
Webb Rising, Zito Waning In The West
That sonic boom you heard in San Francisco on Wednesday was caused by pitchers Brandon Webb and Barry Zito. The former Cy Young winners are moving so quickly in opposite directions that the rapid heating and expansion of air has created enough pressure to cause explosive sound waves in China Basin....
Carmelo Anthony Absolutely, Unequivocally Bombed Out Of His Mind, Say Cops
The latest reports out of Denver about the DUI arrest of the booze-addled, snitch-averse Carmelo Anthony say that the Nuggets' star's level of impairment was, according to investigating officers, "extreme."...
Remember To Get Your Tickets For The Chicago Pants Party
If you didn't attend last year's Deadspin Pants Party in Chicago, boy, did you ever miss out. We'll be kicking it off again this year, and there are still tickets remaining....
Scott Spiezio Continues To Drown In Boozy River Of Sadness
Former major leaguer Scott Spiezio's tumultuous battle with alcoholism has been marred by some ugly incidents. But even though the 35-year-old Spiezio had some extremely heavy baggage, the Atlanta Braves took a flyer on the guy, hoping he could get his life together and earn a spot on the Braves ros...
Carmelo Anthony, Driving The Lane While Drinking
Carmelo Anthony, on the heels of one of the biggest wins for Denver of the season, continued his bad habit of doing something stupid at just the wrong times this morning: He got a DUI....
How The West (And The MVP) Might Have Been Won
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who thinks that a Lakers/Celtics Finals is starting to look like a seriously real possibility. When he's not dusting off his old "I Hate The Lakers" t-shirt, you can find him practicing his "Beat L.A." chant at Basketbawful. Enjoy!...
Bryant Mercifully Leaves the Booth
Bryant Gumbel does excellent work for HBO Sports, but as a play-by-play announcer for the NFL Network he was terrible. Fortunately both parties came to terms with that fact, and we will no longer be subjected to any of his two-minute "mournings" or legendarily indecisive first down calls. Awful Anno...