ants Page 87 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
OK, Just How Many Damn Fingers Does JPP Have Left?
We knew, from curiously leaked hospital records, that Giants DE Jason Pierre-Paul lost his right index finger after a July 4 fireworks accident. Pierre-Paul maintained that, other than the whole missing finger, he was fine; the Giants disagreed once they finally got to see it. Now comes a report tha...
The Giants' Collapse Was Even Dumber Than It Looked (And It Already Looked Pretty Dumb)
It was one thing when it appeared that the Giants’ merely brainfarted 40 extra seconds to the Cowboys for a game-winning drive that needed 33 of them. Now as players discuss the calls in the huddle and from the sideline, it’s so, so much worse: the Giants a) did not realize how many timeouts the Cow...
Dez Bryant Got Hurt, Stayed Hyped
One of the worst things about Week 1 is the inevitable rash of injuries that knocks a half-dozen or so stars out for a good portion of the season. Dez Bryant’s injury wasn’t the most serious of the day, but he’ll need surgery on his broken foot and will miss the next four to six weeks. Don’t worry a...
The Giants' Loss Was Inexplicable
This wasn’t one of those bad, game-killing decisions that requires hindsight to identify as a mistake. It’s no less baffling the morning after as it was the moment Eli Manning floated the ball out of the end zone to stop the clock and gave the Cowboys a full minute-and-a-half to complete their comeb...
Miss America Takes Crown Thanks To Declaring That Tom Brady "Definitely Cheated"
Miss Georgia Betty Cantrell is your new Miss America, and she won the title shortly after responding to a Tom Brady ball-deflation question with: “If there was question there, then yes, I think he cheated.”...
Report: Jason Pierre-Paul Is Missing More Fingers, Could Miss Season
According to a report from ESPN’s Dan Graziano, the New York Giants got a chance to examine Jason Pierre-Paul’s fireworks-torn hand for themselves and are internally worried that the injury is worse than initially thought and could keep him out for the season. This is because, uh, well, the team did...
To Hell With Vox's Victorian-Living Idiots
Yesterday, Vox published a first-person essay detailing the anachronistic existence of two insufferably twee hipsters who live as if they were insufferably twee 19th-century urban gentry. Fuck these people....
Why Jason Pierre-Paul Avoided The Giants All Summer
Defensive end Jason Pierre-Paul met with the Giants on Monday for the first time all year, and let team doctors examine his injured hand for the first time since losing his index finger in a fireworks accident. But the timing of his return, so close to the start of the season, was no accident: Pierr...
Jason Pierre-Paul Will Return To The Giants
It’s been a strange offseason for DE Jason Pierre-Paul, who, when he finally returns to the Giant next week, will report with nine fingers and a franchise tender he’s not sure he wants to sign. ...
MLB Wins Barry Bonds Collusion Case
In 2007, Barry Bonds earned $19.3 million, led the league with an OBP of .480, and hit, by his Olympian standards, a meager 28 home runs. The San Francisco Giants did not offer him a contract the next season, which was understandable given the amount of very public shit Bonds and the team has gone t...
Madison Bumgarner Cannot Stop Hitting Home Runs
Last night Madison Bumgarner won his 15th game, good for a tie with Jake Arrieta atop the National League. Perhaps more impressively, he took Jeff Locke deep in the second inning. His two-run dinger made the difference in the Giants 6-4 win, and at 415 feet, was longer than debutante Marlon Byrd’s h...
Madison Bumgarner Is The Giants' Best Pinch-Hitter
Madison Bumgarner threw an absolute gem Sunday night, flummoxing the Nationals for all nine innings while giving up only three hits and striking out 14. According to game score it was the sixth best starting pitching performance this season, but almost more impressive for the pitcher was his day at ...
Report: Eli Manning Wants To Be NFL's Highest-Paid Player
In football, maybe more than in any other sport, players are hyperaware of their market value and set it by their closest contemporaries. Philip Rivers re-upped with the Chargers this weekend, and no one is poring over his contract numbers more than Eli Manning and the Giants. And according to one r...
Bubba Watson Tried To Lawyerball Some Ants
On 5 yesterday, Bubba Watson’s ball came to rest against an anthill. That led to a genial discussion with a rules official over whether Watson was allowed to take a drop. The official classified the anthill as a “loose impediment”; Watson countered that ants, technically, are “burrowing animals.” Bo...
Nori Aoki Takes A Ball To The Face
San Francisco’s Nori Aoki left today’s game against the Cubs after getting hit in the face by an errant Jake Arrieta pitch. Aoki tried to dodge the dome-bound ball, but only moved his forehead into its path. ...
NFL Hall Of Famer And Former MNF Broadcaster Frank Gifford Dies At 84
NBC News reports that former NFL running back, Monday Night Football announcer, and football Hall of Famer Frank Gifford passed away this morning at the age of 84. Here is the statement that his family released: ...
Extreme Humidity Is Turning My Home Into Gorgonzola
Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert and advice columnist. She’ll be here every week helping to answer your filthiest questions. Are you dirty? Check the Squalor Archive for assistance. Are you still dirty? Email her....