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Falcons Apologize For Asking Combine Prospect If He Likes Men
This morning Ohio State CB Eli Apple, who’s projected to go mid-first round in next month’s draft, appeared on Comcast SportsNet in Philadelphia and revealed the strangest question he’d been asked at the NFL scouting combine. Turns out, the strangest question he got was also the first....
The Procrastinator’s Guide To iOS 9
iOS 9 came out this week, and you might want to put it on your phone, or figure out what the hell you get by installing this thing. This is a guide for those who care, but only barely....
A Layman's Guide To The New iPhones, And Apple's Other New Crap
Earlier today, Apple Inc., a failing novelty-watch interest based in California, announced a new range of products. You can claw through technical explanations of the tick-tock of every little thing, but this is a guide for everything normal people actually need to know....
The Lifeless <i>Vacation </i>Reboot Is All Bowels And No Heart
1. The original 1983 National Lampoon’s Vacation is a classic because deep down, it’s essentially a sweet movie. The screenplay was written by John Hughes—based off the short story “Vacation ’58,” which he wrote about a family trip to Disneyworld, and which ultimately got him on the staff of Nationa...
Rapper Secretly Uses Apple Store As A Recording Studio
It’s not that hard to fight the man! As long as you live in a city with an easily accessible Apple Store or two. Just ask Prince Harvey, a New York City rapper who recently recorded an entire new album for free on display computers in the SoHo Apple Store. ...
Every Streaming Service Is The Same
Today Apple announced a new streaming music service, dubbed Apple Music, with a little help from Drake. It may be a new venture for Apple, but don’t be duped: it’s the same as all the other streaming services out there now....
The Regular Person's Guide To The Apple Watch
There's some Steve Jobs understudy shit going on today, as you've probably seen. Our friends at Gizmodo have a very full and technical explanation of what happened today. But if you don't really care about tech specs and just want to know if this stuff is good or bullshit, we've got something for yo...
More Proof That Anheuser-Busch Hates You, Me, And Nature's Finest Fruit
Apples are the best fruit, because in addition to being delicious, they are also versatile. Apples can be juiced, pied, carameled, candied, fermented, distilled, cidered, crisped, jacked, brown bettied!, eaten plain without a fuss like you're some kind of goddamn health monster determined to live ...
Steve Ballmer Will Institute A No-Apple Policy For The Clippers
New Clippers owner Steve Ballmer is a Microsoft loyalist who joined the company in 1980 as its 30th employee. He's so loyal that he refuses to use anything created by Apple—he does not like Apple, man—and now it appears his personal policy is becoming his team's....
Cops Say Rex Chapman Ripped Off An Apple Store To The Tune Of $14,000
Police say former NBA player and executive Rex Chapman is responsible for a string of thefts from an Arizona Apple Store totaling more than $14,000....
Bud Light Apple-Ahhh-Rita Is Bullshit; Drink Cider Instead
A couple of summers ago, Anheuser-Busch introduced the abominable Bud Light Lime-a-Rita, sweet fake-citrus bullshit intended to capitalize on the niche market of people who have spent their entire lives not knowing what an actual lime tastes like. Those sad bastards are still none the wiser, which h...
U2 Never Gave Their New Album A Chance
I don't want to live in a world where U2 are well and truly irrelevant, and yet I fear I've been living in that world for quite some time. Or at least working there; what we learned yesterday, when Bono and the boys gave away their new album, Songs of Innocence, for free via iTunes to a half-billi...
Report: LeBron James Made $30 Million From Apple's Purchase Of Beats
Buried in that big ESPN.com story on the Miami Heat considering making a run at signing Carmelo Anthony was an item on LeBron James, businessman:...
The Foodspin Thanksgiving Reader
Hey whoa Thanksgiving is here! This means you will have to provide some victuals for some people, or else they will finally have the excuse for disowning/defriending/excommunicating you that they have always secretly wanted. Below you'll find all the Thanksgiving-relevant Foodspin action you'll ne...
Screw Your Pumpkin Flavors: How To Make Apple Crumble
Fun fact! Careful examination of the historical record reveals that, whatever the goddamn Starbucks menu may suggest to the contrary, the consumption of non-pumpkin-flavored foodstuffs between Sept. 15 and Dec. 20 is not a capital crime. Whether the consumption of non-pumpkin-flavored foodstuffs i...
Why Your Supermarket Only Sells 5 Kinds Of Apples
Over at Mother Jones, here's Rowan Jacobsen's story about one man's quest to bring hundreds more back: ...
Get A Load Of This Fucking Phillies Fan
This fucking guy was at last night's Phillies-Marlins game. The tipster who sent us the photo has details:...
"God Said Yes To Michigan": We Called Every Tourney Team's Local Applebee's To Find Out What Happened In The Game
For the tournament, we're calling Applebee's franchises in different cities across the country immediately after the local institution has completed its game, win or lose. We'll pretend to be oblivious about what just happened in order to get a detailed game description from someone in the restauran...
What Happened In The Game? We Called Every Tourney Team's Local Applebee's To Find Out: Part II
For the tournament, we're calling Applebee's franchises in different cities across the country immediately after the local institution has completed its game, win or lose. We'll pretend to be oblivious about what just happened in order to get a detailed game description from someone in the restauran...