ass Page 287 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

A-HOLE COACH DIGEST: The One Where Lester Hayes Ruins A 12-Year-Old
Welcome to Asshole Coach Digest, where we regale you Deadspin folk with stories of the meanest, cruelest, most batshit insane coaches you ever had. Email me your asshole coach story here....

Your Nightly Athlete Backside
This male rear nudity is becoming a disturbing trend. This edition's exhibitionist: Shannon Brown, who probably wishes the players could change before the media enter the locker room....

Free Skating At Fenway? It'll Cost You
Scalpers, by definition, resell tickets at multiples of face value. Boston scalpers, perhaps having failed math, have marked up ostensibly free tickets by some magic factor that turns zero dollars into: lots of money....

The Tackling Sled Of Death
Welcome to Asshole Coach Digest, where we regale you Deadspin folk with stories of the meanest, cruelest, most batshit insane coaches you ever had. Email me your asshole coach story here. Off we go....

Let's All Thank God For Tommy Kelly's Jock Strap
And here's how we send you into this good night. Not just with a de-pantsed football player, but with a de-pantsed lineman. Click through only if you haven't eaten recently....

A-HOLE COACH DIGEST: Did He Just Call Me Ni***r Shoes?
Welcome to Asshole Coach Digest, where we regale you Deadspin folk with stories of the meanest, cruelest, most batshit insane coaches you ever had. Email me your asshole coach story here. Off we go....

A-HOLE COACH DIGEST: The Story Of “The Grip”
Welcome to Asshole Coach Digest, where we regale you Deadspin folk with stories of the meanest, cruelest, most batshit insane coaches you ever had. Email me your asshole coach story here. Off we go....

A-HOLE COACH DIGEST: "Yeah, That's It. Now Wash His Chest."
Welcome to Asshole Coach Digest, where we regale you Deadspin folk with stories of the meanest, cruelest, most batshit insane coaches you ever had. Email me your asshole coach story here. Off we go....

Ladies And Gentlemen, Allow Me To Present Your UFL Champions, The Las Vegas Locomotives
The Jim Fassel-coached Las Vegas Locomotives beat the Florida Tuskers 20-17 in overtime in front of 14,801 fans to claim the first UFL championship. And what a way to cap off a thrilling, pressure-packed UFL season. [Las Vegas Sun]...

A-HOLE COACH DIGEST: Coach Will Watch You Shower Now
Welcome to Asshole Coach Digest, where we regale you Deadspin folk with stories of the meanest, cruelest, most batshit insane coaches you ever had. Email me your asshole coach story here. Off we go....

Full Moon Over Chicago
Considering the flood of emails, you people are all about Devin Hester's ass. I'm not here to judge, so we present it in all its glory after the jump....

Blame Drew: ASU Baseball Coach Pat Murphy Resigns
Pat Murphy announced his resignation today, thus freeing up some time to roam the earth, seek out Drew and beat him like a redheaded stepchild, if he were the sort of man to do such a thing. [ASU Sun Devils]...

Jay Mariotti Tossed From Chicago Bar After Scuffle With Patron Over Cell Phone Pic?
We're waiting for further confirmation on this story, but according to multiple sources, Jay Mariotti was tossed from Chicago'sUnderground Night Club(fixed) last night after he went ballistic on a guy who snapped a picture of him. Haters smell blood....

A-HOLE COACH DIGEST: “Fifty Hot Ones Comin’ At Ya!”
Welcome to Asshole Coach Digest, where we regale you Deadspin folk with stories of the meanest, cruelest, most batshit insane coaches you ever had. Email me your asshole coach story here. Off we go....

Sammy Sosa Doesn't See Why People Are So Terrified By His Appearance
The formerly dark-skinned Sosa spoke out about his ghostly new look and he would like to let everyone know that he's not dying or anything: "It's a bleaching cream," he said. You don't say....

A-HOLE FAN DIGEST: The Muhammad Ali Autographing Incident
Earlier today, we published a story from an anonymous reader claiming that ASU baseball coach Pat Murphy accosted him at a charity event. Here's how the story ended up being complete bullshit....

Baseball's Free Agency System Is Seriously, Seriously Screwed Up
It's hot stove season, and the annual release of Elias' free agent rankings is upon us. It speaks to the volume of the CBA's absurdities that we rarely appreciate just how awful this system is....

Marat Safin Says Agassi Is "Stupid", Should "Shut Up"
Tennis-playing dude Marat Safin isn't exactly broken up over revelations that fellow competitor Andre Agassi was addicted to crank. If he feels so bad about it now, Safin says, then why not give back all that money he didn't win?...

“My Coach Broke My Collarbone.” Your First Edition Of A-HOLE COACH DIGEST
I've been thinking about terrible coaches lately. Coaches that are not merely incompetent, but also paranoid, megalomaniacal, and prickish. Coaches that are praised for having such qualities, particularly at the college and high school levels....

Area Satirical Newspaper Joins Forces With Puppet-Based Humor Channel
In a move I can only pray will cut Jeff Dunham-related programming down to a more manageable 23 hours a day, The Onion and Comedy Central will be doing a sports show together....