balls Page 59 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Why Is ESPN Letting Darren Rovell Turn Ad Campaigns Into Articles?
Here is a headline from a recent Darren Rovell article (?) that appeared on ESPN.com earlier this week: "Deal forbids Brees from motorcycle." ...
The Trashiest Tattoo Locations, Ranked
Before we get to the Funbag, a couple of things. First off, to commemorate the paperback release ofSomeone Could Get Hurt, I'm gonna do a reading at the Dodge City bar here in D.C. on Wednesday night. We'll start around 8:30 p.m, and I promise not to read for too long, because no one ever likes th...
Your Open Relationship Is Horseshit
There was a dude on Reddit today who proposed an open relationship with his girlfriend, only to have the whole thing blow up in his face when his girlfriend managed to score vestigial lovers and he couldn't do likewise. Any normal person will tell you that, unless your name is Gene Simmons, open re...
Tigers Catcher Alex Avila Takes Foul Ball To The Junk
Detroit Tigers catcher Alex Avila was probably, hopefully wearing a cup, but that doesn't mean this foul ball to the groin didn't hurt. The replay made it agonizing....
Boy Pulls Off The Smoothest Foul Ball Trick To Impress Girl Behind Him
One kid at last night's Blue Jays-Rangers game got the best of both worlds: An MLB foul ball and the attention of a girl sitting in the row behind him....
Fuck Chipotle
Everyone's rightfully goofing on Chipotle today for unveiling a line of cups and bags featuring insta-literature from the likes of Toni Morrison and George Saunders. Now, I have no issue with restaurant chains scrawling stuff on their packaging. Cook Out could post entire passages from Leviticus o...
Michael Sam Is Doing A Reality Show, And That Sucks
So Michael Sam has a reality show now, and I'm just gonna go ahead and align myself with the HOT TAKES crowd and say that Sam just pissed away a whole lot of the goodwill he'd built up for himself these past few months. They can class up the announcement all they like. They can call it a "document...
How To Suck: A Special Message To The Graduating Class Of 2014
This is all about sucking, so I'll begin with me, in a parking lot, parked too close to the adjacent car. I open my car door and inadvertently hit the other dude's door. I pray that I haven't left a scratch, or a dent, or something substantial that would require insurance-card swapping and 10 minu...
In Praise Of <em>Veep's</em> Gary, A Truly Lovable TV Oddball At Last
There’s a familiar archetype found in many of the past decade’s most critically acclaimed comedies: the oddball. Dwight Schrute occupied this space on The Office, Kenneth was 30 Rock’s version, and Buster Bluth very much defined the role on Arrested Development. The latter was expertly played by Ton...
Why <em>Inside The NBA</em> Could Never Happen In The NFL
Your letters:...
These Women Are So Damn Excited To Get A Foul Ball
There's no specific time for this moment of sheer joy at a Royals-Mariners game on Friday. All we know is that these two women are so fucking pumped to get a foul ball....
Here Are Your Worst Prom Hookup Failures
Once upon a time at this fair site, we ran a series of posts entitled Drunken Hookup Failure, chronicling sordid tales of young lust gone horribly awry. Today, we've decided to bring DHF back for a special prom-themed edition. Here now are some of our readers' very worst prom failures....
The NFL Is Trying To Get You To Hate Football
Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here....
I Took TED's Stupid Grit Quiz!
If you're a sports fan like I am, you know that championships aren't won with talent or sound strategy or even proper personnel evaluation. They are won with HUSTLE and HEART and ECKSTEINIAN fortitude that cannot be measured, because measuring things is for nerds and pussies. ...
Unobservant Fan Nearly Decapitated By Foul Ball
Everyone knows that the one thing you absolutely have to do when sitting behind one of the baselines is never take your eyes off the plate. This guy did not adhere to that rule, and he very nearly got his head taken off. ...
Down With NBA Playoff Color-Outs
Whoa, hey, the paperback edition of Someone Could Get Hurt drops today, so if you were too cheap to spring for a hardcover last spring (and you were; I've seen the royalty statements), now you can buy it on the cheap. Everyone wins when you give me your money....
Down With Runway Food
I was watching an episode of Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown recently, and he was in Vegas at a fancy José Andrés restaurant-within-a-restaurant that had roughly two and a half seats and likely charged hundreds upon hundreds of dollars for a single meal. Bourdain was presented with an "egg" that wa...
What Happens If The Clippers Win The NBA Title?
Before we hit up the Funbag, two things. First off, I wrote a short story called THE ROVER that you can buy here for a dollar. You can also borrow it for free with Amazon Prime. But for real, it's only a buck. You cheap old miser. GIVE ME MY DOLLAR, GOD DAMMIT....
Running Apparel Company Oiselle Sponsors Baseball Team
The Bend Elks Baseball Club, a college summer team with comical proofreading skills, announced on Saturday that women's running apparel company Oiselle had become its "Tiitle sponsor."...
Watch A Baseball Get Completely Crushed For Science, Or Something
The crushing machine takes a bit to fully squish (it's a scientific term) the baseball, but when it does, you'll likely feel fulfilled. The same result can also be produced by leaving a pitch over the middle of the plate to Giancarlo Stanton....