balls Page 89 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Does Being Named "Ashley" Make You Hot? An Unscientific Study
Before we get to the Funbag, a quick programming note: I'm gonna be liveblogging the Oscars over at Gawker on Sunday night. We'll be plumbing depths of bitchiness heretofore unimaginable, so stop by if you feel like it. To your letters:...
The Diary Of A Man With The Stomach Flu
One of my main goals in life is to make it through an entire winter without getting sick, and I was so, so very close this time around. The mild winter combined with the flu shot and my wife's demands that I wash my hands 9,000 times a day—to the point where the skin has been stripped away from my h...
Does Phil Hughes Have What It Takes To Make It In New York?
It takes a certain testicular fortitude to find success in New York. Many have come to the Yankees for the fat paycheck and promise of eternal glory. Some make it, and some shrink before it. The Jury is still out on Phil Hughes, but the Yanks would be nuts to give up on him now....
Cockblocked By Pop Geography Quizzes!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
Children's Music Will Destroy Your Good Taste Forever; Or, How I Came To Like Kidz Bop
I have two kids, and so I have to listen to lots of kids' music. Horrible, awful, miserable kids' music. Almost all of it is complete dogshit. All of the songs from Dora are horrible. All of the songs from Thomas the Tank Engine are puke. And whoever wrote the Bond-style songs for Special Agent Oso ...
Ron Jaworski Gets Booted From The <em>Monday Night Football</em> Booth. THIS GUY IS HAPPY!
Have you ever dreamed of what the Monday Night Football Booth might sound like without Ron Jaworski and Jon Gruden egging each other on reach to new and disturbing levels of sycophantic guffawing? I have. Oh, how I've dreamed of a sensibly assembled two-man MNF booth featuring Mike Tirico bitching o...
Only A Fool Would Want His Kid To Play Football
I had to go get my watch fixed the other day, and the watch fixing place that I go to is one of those old school clockmaker shops that looks like it's run by a serial killer. There are old clocks all over the place and random magazine clippings tacked to the wall, with all kinds of strange tools sca...
The Stages Of Internet Grief, As Applied To Whitney Houston's Death
0. Basic Twitter Check...
The Sad Story Of The Sorority Girl, The Scrappy Guard, And The Law That Came Between Them
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
The Beauty Of The Post-Coital Super Bowl Afterglow
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Buy Drew's book, The Postmortal, through here. Find more of his stuff at his Twitter feed. Photo illustration by Jim Cooke. Photo by Kzenon/Shutterstock....
Rodney Harrison Is An Idiot. Let Rob Gronkowski Dance!
You may have seen this video of Pats tight end Rob Gronkowski and tackle Matt Light, fresh off of losing the Super Bowl, doing what I would be probably be doing if I just lost the biggest game of my life: getting shitfaced, dancing shirtless, and trying to get laid. But of course, Rodney Harrison do...
I Hung Out With Dukebags And Discovered The Greatest Value In The History Of Drunken Eating
I went down to the Research Triangle area of North Carolina last week. This is the area comprising Durham, Chapel Hill, and Raleigh. It's a very pretty area, surrounded by tall trees that are so perfectly spaced out it's almost as if the entire forest were landscaped. And the forest floor itself is ...
Eli Manning: Stop Wearing T-Shirts Over Your Shoulder Pads
I'm really happy for Eli Manning and all, especially since he just beat America's Most Dominant Sports City for the second time and sent Shank into his usual round of rectal self-examination. But someone needs to explain to this man that he'll never stop being treated like a 12-year-old from a Sunny...
Cockblocked By Blood!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
How To Care For A Bleeding Child
I have two children, and they are remarkably adept at hurting themselves. They bash into tables, chairs, doors, shelves, bedposts, pits filled with poisonous spikes, etc. One time my daughter was running around with a mirror, tripped, fell, and put her head through the mirror, shattering it to piece...
Twitter Is Now The Most Important Part Of The NFL Viewing Experience
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Buy Drew's book, The Postmortal, through here. Find more of his stuff at his Twitter feed. Image by Jim Cooke....
The Million-Dollar Drexel University LSD Bust: A Slideshow
'Twas a bad, bad day for lovers of the LSD on the campus of Philadelphia's Drexel University....
Coming To Grips With Your Sexless Adulthood
Before we get to the Funbag, I should note that I'm doing a reading in Chapel Hill tonight at 7 p.m. at Flyleaf Books. The afterparty is gonna be at Linda's, which is about a mile away. And then, tomorrow night, there's gonna be a reading in Durham at the Regulator at 7 p.m., with drinks at either C...
Cockblocked By Racial Stereotypes!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....