The Stages Of Internet Grief, As Applied To Whitney Houston's Death

0. Basic Twitter Check

"Ho hum. ... Let's see how Jeremy Lin played last night."

1. Shock

"Holy shit! WHITNEY HOUSTON IS DEAD?"

2. Denial.

"Wait a second. This could be a hoax. I better check a real news feed to make sure this is legit, and that Zodiac Motherfucker isn't pulling my leg."

3. Verification.

"Oh man, she IS dead."

4. Denial, Part 2

"I can't believe I learned about it from Zodiac Motherfucker." (NOTE: This really was who I learned it from.)

5. Speculation

"So it was drugs, right? Had to be drugs."

6. Consideration of Tasteless Joke on Twitter

"If I write, 'I get so emotional baby, every time I think of youuuuu ... lying face down in a bathtub,' people may get mad."

7. Notice of Outrage at Someone Else Making Similar Tasteless Joke on Twitter

"That's a lot of 'TOO SOON's. Better hold that zinger I had until Monday."

8. Commemoration

"RIP Whitney. Here's a (picture of her back when she was clean/video of her singing the anthem at the Super bowl/clip from the raw vocal from 'How Will I Know'). WHAT A TALENT."

9. Announcement of Personal Connection

"I remember in eighth grade when we drank peach schnapps and would listen to 'I Wanna Dance with Somebody.' And even though I didn't really like the song, I KNEW that woman was talented."

10. Blame

"Fucking Bobby Brown."

11. Discovery

"Oh wow. Xanax? I guess that makes sense."

12. Speculation, Part 2

"These things always happen in threes. Who's next?!"

13. Meta-Commentary

"Isn't it so weird how we, like, mourn people on Twitter now, y'all?"

14. Live Tweeting of the Funeral/Awards Show Tribute

"Wait, why is Al Michaels at this funeral? Did he have an affair with her or something?"

15. It's OK to Make Tasteless Jokes Now

"It's been two days! GOOD TASTE MORATORIUM OVER, YOU GUYS."

16. Link to #longread That Tells You the Real Story

"Here's the full Esquire piece on Whitney's death. BRUTAL."

17. Next Internet Death

"OH SHIT! BOB DOLE, YOU GUYS!"