ballsdeep Page 65 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Hot On The Trail Of Twitter's DadBoner, The Internet's Greatest Mystery
Bold flavors. Power moves. Chest beefers. A thousand beers, you guys. If any of those references are familiar to you, then you're probably one of the over 52,000 people who follow the DadBoner Twitter feed, which is probably the best Twitter feed ever written by an imaginary middle-aged Michigan man...
The End Of Peyton Manning As You Know Him
The Colts have called a press conference for noon today to formally announce the release of Peyton Manning. Manning will be there. Jim Irsay will be there, in between tweeting Bachman-Turner Overdrive lyrics. We've been building to this moment for months now, ever since Manning was unofficially rule...
Gregg Easterbrook Has Dubbed The Bounty Scandal "Sinnersgate," Because He's A Haughty Dipshit
Now that Terra Nova has been canceled, noted Brookings Institutionarian and surveyor of the cosmos Gregg Easterbrook was finally free today to chime in on the NFL bounty scandal. And oh, dear readers. Oh, the man never fails to disappoint. Right off the bat, this is what you get ......
Wait, Chris Berman Gave How Much Money To Joe Lieberman?!
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Bountygate Gives Roger Goodell Another Chance To Show You What A Big Dick He Has
I'd like to thank Gregg Williams for inspiring the single stupidest blog post headline of the year, from Frank Bruni of The New York Times. You can tell a sports scandal has reached its wear-out phase if Bruni feels compelled to chime in on it. Anyway, here's the headline:...
Great Moments In Group Sex Failure
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
If You Give A Mouse A Cookie, You're Fucked: 10 Tips For Avoiding Terrible Children's Books
As you may have heard, Jan Berenstain, the lady who co-created the Berenstain Bears series, died this week. And it’s measure of how bad those books are that some people wasted no time dancing on her grave. Now, it’s incredibly crass and rude to rip into a poor old woman who just died. But those book...
The Vikings' Stadium Whoreathon Will End Where It Started
As a Vikings fan, I have been long conditioned to treat any rumor of an impending stadium deal with a great amount of skepticism. This team has been announcing new stadium "plans" every year since around 1997. Every announced plan was less a formal declaration than a cheap Jedi mind trick. "Hey, if ...
13 Right-Wing Talking Points For The Simmons-Obama Podcast
As you might have heard, Bill Simmons finally scored an interview with Barack Obama this week. Now, we at Deadspin are obviously part of the Giant Liberal Gay Media Deathship, but that doesn't mean we can't at least try to strive for balance on occasion. That's why, as a favor to all the remaining G...
Important Tips For Going Back In Time And Preventing 9/11
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Cockblocked By Kim Jong Il!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
Sick Children Are Where Good Food Goes To Die
There's a half a bowl of Top Ramen sitting in my kitchen right now. It's gorgeous. The broth is warm. The noodles are all soft and crimpy. It's just begging me to eat it. It's just aching for me to take it into the coat closet and do VILE, DISGUSTING things to it....
The Hater's Guide To The 2012 Academy Awards
Ah, the Academy Awards. To give you a firm understanding of just how awful the Oscars are, consider this: This is the only entity in the universe that considers the inclusion of Billy Crystal to be an act of salvation. If they told you they were going to try and fix all the gaping plot holes of The ...
Does Being Named "Ashley" Make You Hot? An Unscientific Study
Before we get to the Funbag, a quick programming note: I'm gonna be liveblogging the Oscars over at Gawker on Sunday night. We'll be plumbing depths of bitchiness heretofore unimaginable, so stop by if you feel like it. To your letters:...
The Diary Of A Man With The Stomach Flu
One of my main goals in life is to make it through an entire winter without getting sick, and I was so, so very close this time around. The mild winter combined with the flu shot and my wife's demands that I wash my hands 9,000 times a day—to the point where the skin has been stripped away from my h...
Cockblocked By Pop Geography Quizzes!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
Children's Music Will Destroy Your Good Taste Forever; Or, How I Came To Like Kidz Bop
I have two kids, and so I have to listen to lots of kids' music. Horrible, awful, miserable kids' music. Almost all of it is complete dogshit. All of the songs from Dora are horrible. All of the songs from Thomas the Tank Engine are puke. And whoever wrote the Bond-style songs for Special Agent Oso ...
Ron Jaworski Gets Booted From The <em>Monday Night Football</em> Booth. THIS GUY IS HAPPY!
Have you ever dreamed of what the Monday Night Football Booth might sound like without Ron Jaworski and Jon Gruden egging each other on reach to new and disturbing levels of sycophantic guffawing? I have. Oh, how I've dreamed of a sensibly assembled two-man MNF booth featuring Mike Tirico bitching o...
Only A Fool Would Want His Kid To Play Football
I had to go get my watch fixed the other day, and the watch fixing place that I go to is one of those old school clockmaker shops that looks like it's run by a serial killer. There are old clocks all over the place and random magazine clippings tacked to the wall, with all kinds of strange tools sca...
The Stages Of Internet Grief, As Applied To Whitney Houston's Death
0. Basic Twitter Check...