baseball Page 439 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Nick Swisher Likes To Keep Current On His Periodicals
Oakland A's pitcher outfielder Nick Swisher just doesn't have the time to scour bars for leather-clad women in search of a relationship. So he does his shopping by magazine. According to Sports by Brooks, Swisher spied model Danielle Gamba "in a magazine" recently, saw that she was from the Bay Area...
And THAT'S What Carlos Zambrano Thinks
If you are fortunate enough to root for a team that has an intense rivalry, you probably have someone on the opposing team you raise your level of hate for. Red Sox fans have it for Jeter and A-Rod; Patriots fans have it for Peyton Manning; Raiders fans have it for the rest of humanity. As a Cardina...
What Kind Of Bet Would The Pink Taco Make?
When mayors make their yearly dopey bets on certain sports series — "If the Colts win, you'll give us your deep dish pizza, and if your Bears win, we'll give you some dreary dead-end manufacturing jobs!" — it's silly, but kind of cute, in a "white people in suits trading beans" type of way. But when...
Nothing Says Valentine's Day Like Six-Foot Tall Spiced Meat
If you can't figure out what to get your significant other for this upcoming Valentine's Day — and you happen to live "within a 45 mile radius from Miller Park" and have V-Day between 1 p.m. and 2 p.m. Central Time open — you could give the gift that keeps on giving: Sausages....
Albert Pujols Knows Who Wrote The Star-Spangled Banner
A few years ago, Red Sox dingbat Manny Ramirez garnered some rare positive press for becoming an American citizen and carrying an American flag through the outfield. Wednesday, Cardinals first baseman Albert Pujols became an American citizen by acing his citizenship test, scoring a perfect 100 perce...
Hey, Why Is Kenny Chesney Suddenly Calling Me?
In our original neck of the woods in Mattoon, Ill., NFL loyalties are rather split. Some people root for the Chicago Bears (four hours away), some root for the Indianapolis Colts (90 minutes away) and some odd souls hopped on the Rams bandwagon (two hours away). (Some insane people stuck with the fo...
A-Rod's Story Of A Sensitive Boy
We mentioned this when the deal was originally announced, and now, today, the day has finally arrived: Alex Rodriguez's children's book has hit the stands. "Out Of The Ballpark" is the story of a second baseman named Alex who makes an error and — get this — begins to play worse because he's putting ...
Cole Hamels Likes The Scrawny Reality TV Stars
For those of you who watch "Survivor," you might remember Heidi Strobel, a woman who, after three weeks on an island with little food, proved herself to be 85 percent breasts....
Prepare Thyself For Dice K
Red Sox fans, take heart: You can now see Dice K himself, Daisuke Matsuzaka, pitching in a Red Sox uniform, kind of. In this ad for Asahi beer — we love that people can physically drink the beer in Japanese commercials — Dice K dons the duds and even throws a pitch, albeit with some less-than-convin...
He Was For DirectTV Before He Was ... Oh, You Know The Joke By Now
We had pretty much already given up hope on anyone noticing or caring that Major League Baseball was selling out its most die-hard fans for a quick buck. Just another of those times when we all get stepped on; as sports fans, we should probably be used to it by now....
Bonds Contract: Baseball's Version Of A Constitutional Crisis?
So someone took the time to actually read the contract that Barry Bonds signed with the Giants on Monday, and they made a startling discovery. According to the fine print, Bonds not only must play both ends of any doubleheaders, he must dress as Paula Abdul in the second game. Also, there's this:...
An Entirely Different Kind Of Monkey Suit
Sorry, ladies of Boston: Your hopes of bedding the youngest GM in baseball history, the man partly responsible for the Red Sox World Championship and one rockin' guitar hero are over. Red Sox GM Theo Epstein went out and got himself secretly married last month....
Forever Barry
He's 43, kind of a dick and subject to a variety of ailments, including, if you believe the horse steroids charges, laminitis. But nonetheless, Barry Bonds is officially back in the fold with the San Francisco Giants, ready to tackle Mt. Aaron once again. Whew. We were on pins and needles....
Albert Belle, Still Available
It's official, folks, if you can handle it: Sammy Sosa and the Texas Rangers have agreed on a deal. Sosa will receive $500,000 on a one-year contract and will be invited to make the team out of Spring Training. It's good to see that the new Rangers manager Ron Washington is attempting to be realisti...
He's Probably Been Waiting Outside The Studio For Weeks
We had a few people email us yesterday, mostly saying a variation on the following: "So I'm home with the flu, and it's possible that I'm just hallucinating, but I think I just saw A.J. Pierzynski as a bouncer on the 'Jerry Springer Show.' Can that be possible?"...
This One's For The Cranks and Birds
Conan O'Brien, on top of his game ... and a little bit of baseball history for you, too. Pitchers and catchers report in 18 days....
MLB.com Knows Who Its True Fans Are
Far be it from us to tell MLB.com how to maximize its revenue streams — certainly they're doing a fine enough job on that themselves, hardcore baseball fans be damned — but we found it rather surprising, all told, about this newest synergistic connection....
That's All We Need: ANOTHER Blowhard In DC
So here's a scary thought. If you thought Curt Schilling had a tendency to opine, uninvited, on subjects that don't inherently concern him now, wait until he runs for Senate....
In Case You Had Any Doubt, MLB Doesn't Care About You At All
We are not against corporations, inherently; we spend most of our days enjoying products of the Coca-Cola Company and the Philip Morris Corporation, and if they do an excellent job mass-producing consumables that we keep on buying, hey, that's the American way. But as a serious sports fan, there mig...
Bonds And The Giants Just Can't Quit Each Other
Yesterday, Barry Bonds did nobody any favors by endorsing Pete Rose and Mark McGwire for the Hall of Fame, inspiring each of them to put their paws over their face like a goldendoodle puppy. But the bigger news might be that the Giants are considering voiding Bonds' contract after the news of his po...