bears Page 57 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
One Way To Get Tree-Sitters Down
You might remember the comedic goodness we unearthed when making fun of the Berkeley tree-sitters who were about to be overrun by rabid SEC football fans. Well, we figured we'd check in and see how those tree-sitters were doing. Turns out, not well....
Hey Kids, It's The Giant Colon!
Seriously, the kids could spend all day playing in the giant colon. And they would, if the state capitol building didn't close at 4. Actually, the display is called "Super Colon and Friends," and is on display in Carson City, Nev., to raise colon cancer awareness. But I just call it fun! (Yes, I ha...
Visual Evidence Of Those Bygone Championship Shirts
It is one thing to read about sports leagues giving away incorrectly labeled merchandise like "2006 World Champion Detroit Tigers" or "2004 American League Champion New York Yankees" to the needy in third world countries. It's another all together to actually see a child in Zambia wearing a 2007 Sup...
Meet Eric "Whizzer" Schnupp
The man you see here is Eric Schnupp, the offensive line coach for the Baylor Bears. Saturday afternoon was a rough one for Schnupp and his team; they lost 58-10 to undefeated Kansas. Fortunately, Schnupp was unfazed by the shellacking and found a way to inspire his troops....
Show 'Em Your O-Face, Brian
We hope you're excited, Bears fans; as The Sports Hernia points out, You now have Bill Lumbergh as your starting quarterback. Yeah ... we're gonna go ahead and have you play on New Years Eve this year, Rex ......
There's Only One Answer To The Bears' QB Problem
After Sexy Rexy Grossman's third consecutive — or fourth, or fifth, or whatever — horrific appearance last week, Bears fans are screaming for backup Brian Griese. But let's not forget: He's got plenty of baggage himself....
It's The NFC North Pants Party
OK, now it's time for the NFC Central North. We haven't seen anybody pick anybody other than the Bears yet. We suspect it won't be much different here....
Trees Are No Match For Vols Fans
Ah, the classic liberal enclave of Berkeley. Aging hippies, still listening to Workingman's Dead on 33 rpm, railing against the capitalist system and eating all kinds of food that tastes terrible. Where would we be without them? They remind us of what college campuses used to be like, before everybo...
A Report From One Of Briggs' Fellow Motorists
Now that Bears linebacker Lance Briggs has confirmed he was the one driving that Lamborghini Monday morning that was left on the Edens Expressway in Chicago — he's giving some ridiculous explanations too — we are happy to provide you with a report from a reader who was right next to Briggs' car last...
Where Not To Park Your Lamborghini
Whenever Chicago Bears linebacker Lance Briggs wakes up, groggy, confused, wondering where his car is, we hope he turns on CBS-2 in Chicago. There, he will learn exactly where his car is. Sorry: His Lamborghini....
NFL Season Preview: Chicago Bears
Believe it or not, folks, the NFL season is much closer than you can possibly imagine. So close, in fact, that, if we're going to fit in every NFL team preview by the start of the season, we have to go this early. So there you have it....
Do NOT ... Go In There. WOOO!
It's perfectly acceptable to vent frustration after a lousy inning of relief pitching. (Fernando Rodney does it all the time.) But here's a lesson to all those up-and-coming pitchers: if you plan to exact physical damage in the dugout bathroom after such an outing, make sure you have an escape route...
Tank Johnson Is Not Drunk, But Drunk Enough
So, with word coming out that beleaguered Chicago Bear Tank Johnson actually being under the legal limit in his DUI arrest a couple of weeks ago — the one that ultimately forced his release from the Bears — the guy should be out of the woods and all set and good again, right?...
And Suddenly That Giant Hog Story Looks So Unimpressive
We like bears. As Robert Klein once said, they are the most helpful of all the animals. "If you have to be stuck in an elevator, it might as well be with a bear. 'Can you reach up there, bear?' 'Well, I think I can try ...' " But when a bear is attacking your six-year-old son, there's only one thing...
Tank Johnson Would Like To Be The Face Of The NFL
In case you were wondering, being involved in a shooting incident in Vegas — though you didn't fire the weapon and all you really did was hang out with shady people and try to get your money back after a rather ill-advised "making it rain" incident — will earn you a one-year suspension from the NFL....
Taint Sweat Sold Separately
Say what you will about the intensity of Bears fans, but some bits of memorabilia are out of the range of reasonable and rational thought, even to them....
The Seventh Floor Crew Takes Over The NFL
At the end of the first round of the NFL Draft on Saturday, the defending NFC champion Chicago Bears drafted tight end Greg Olsen. If you don't recognize Olsen's name, you can hark back to the halcyon days of November 2005, when Olsen dropped some beats as a member of the Seventh Floor Crew. (He's n...