bo Page 839 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

New Miracle Bat Probably Illegal In This Solar System
Reebok's new Vector-O baseball bat uses special alloys (adamantium?) and speed holes to help you make the cover of Sports Illustrated for your Hulk-like home run blasts. Also doubles as a harmonica. [Uncrate]...

Careful, Jazz Players. Jerry Sloan Is Monitoring Your Facebook Status Updates.
Grumpy old man Jerry Sloan and the Jazz brass are reportedly unhappy with little-used backup Kyrylo Fesenko, which isn't terribly surprising given that Jerry Sloan hasn't been happy since the Eisenhower Administration. What's surprising is the reason: Facebook status updates....

Your Occasional Update On Witchcraft Tomfoolery In The AL East
A Boston-based Yankees fan litters grass from Yankee Stadium in Fenway Park to jinx the Sox, and the construction worker who planted a Boston jersey in the Bronx claims his hex is working. In his magical kingdom, maybe. [NY Post]...

Barry Bonds Is Available, Ladies
Barry Bonds' year-and-a-half long exile from baseball has given him the opportunity to spend a lot of time with his family—which might explain why his wife filed for divorce yesterday. [SF Chronicle]...

Ninjas Responsible For The Death Of David Carradine?
So says Carradine's attorney, Mark Geragos, who told the NY Post there might be some foul play involved. Geragos was contacted by other media outlets about his ninja theory, but he was immediately banned from commenting any further...[DListed]...

Why Scott Boras Isn't As Evil As You Think He Is
Tomorrow, Scott Boras begins the process of jimmying a record bonus out of the Nationals on behalf of Stephen Strasburg. Let's dispense with the usual frog-raining about baseball's superagent and see him for what he is: Scott Boras, labor revolutionary....

Jamal Anderson Talks About His Bathroom Cocaine Arrest, Gets Self-Helpy
"What are you going to do? Are you going to ball up and go into a corner? Or are you going to make the best of that after the fact?" Month Of Fury! [SRI]...

Somebody Should Greenlight Sean Payton's Brilliant Movie Immediately
Thanks to Fan IQ (via Times-Picayune), we've been alerted to the boyish Saints head coach's creative aspirations and the movie script he's shopping tentatively titled "The Xbox Kid."...

High School Track Star Wins Team Championship By Herself
Bonnie Richardson isn't just on the high school track team, she is the track team. And even though she has no teammates, she somehow won the Texas Class A state championship by herself. For the second straight year....

The Last, Best Sports Staff
A long, long time ago, when writers puffed on cigars in the press box and sipped scotches with their sources, the best sports journalism lived in print. And nobody did it better than The Boston Globe....

And Now, My Michael Jordan Impression
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...

Stupid Child Labor Laws Ruining American Horse Racing
How did Calvin Borel—who has a chance to become the first jockey to win the three Triple Crown races on two different horses—get so good at his job? Because dangerously illegal backwater death tracks made him that way....

David Ortiz Suffering From Mr. Magoo Syndrome
There are already a million theories as to why David Ortiz has suddenly and cruelly turned into Junior Ortiz, but now David has one of his own to throw into the mix. He needs thicker glasses....

Jim Bowden’s (Extremely Brief) Return To Respectability
Jim Bowden, the disgraced ex-Nationals GM, stands accused of stealing ballplayers' bonus money. The team he built is on pace to lose 118 games. Naturally, ESPN wanted to hire him....

A Portrait Of The Columnist As A Young Virgin
Long before John Rocker offered him his thoughts on New York City transit, SI.com columnist Jeff Pearlman was a rosy-cheeked collegian who was more than happy to share his sexual habits with the world....

Dallas Cowboys Get What They Want, When They Want It
Irving, Texas, officials possibly suspect that the Cowboy's practice bubble that collapsed last month may have lacked some structure integrity. (Ya think?) They're fairly confident, however, that anyone other than the Cowboys would never have been allowed to build it....

Barry Bonds Was Doing This For The Kids
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....

Joe Buck Is The King Of Comedy
It seems that the network fancies their new host as a bit of court jester and now that he's finally made it to pay cable, Joe "Dice" Buck is ready to bust loose. The network has hired Peter Mehlman (former executive producer for Seinfeld) and Jon Glaser (former writer for Conan O'Brien) to write and...

Michael Lewis Explains Why Your Kid Is Overvalued
An interesting Q&A with Michael Lewis covers Moneyball ("The A's have no intellectual advantage, as evidenced by their performance"), the Rockets, his books being turned into movies, and his new tome about being a father. Joe Morgan's kids have already panned it. [MSNBC]...

For Those Curious About The High School Quiz Bowl Championships
If you're not watching on whatever television station sacrificed its ratings to broadcast it, you're in luck: There's a live blog. Let's hope these youngsters never go on a game show like one famous former high school quiz bowler. [HSNCT Playoffs]...