bo Page 998 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
ESPN Ombudsman: You Kids Knock It Off!
Resident nerdy professor ESPN ombudsman George Solomon filed his newest impotent you-darned-kids column on Saturday, and, as usual, we imagine ESPN brass reading it, shaking their heada, chuckling, then tossing another few more Indonesian children on the fire. (It's gonna get cold in Bristol soon;...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while discovering the structure of the DNA molecule ... • NFL: Colts 24, Ravens 7. Once again, loser has to remain in Baltimore. • NFL: 49ers beat Rams, plan world domination and conquest of space. • MLB: Big Unit (that's Randy Johnson, sorry, those of you visiting us on a break from...
To Watch Tonight ...
What to watch as elves cobble shoes in the tiny sweatshop you've constructed in the garage ... • MLB: Red Sox at Yankees. Apparently there's some sort of rivalry. • Reno 911: Washington State at Nevada football. Take the over. • MLB: Mets at Cardinals. The best team in baseball versus, well, the Met...
We Have To Ask ...
Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ... • 10 a.m. MLB with Joe Morgan: When you said "any team that makes the playoffs can go all the way," you obviously didn't mean the A's, right? • Noon. MLB with Jerry Crasnick: After writing License to Deal, how many showers did it take ...
Making Fun of Don King Is Funny (Until He Stomps You To Death)
The New York Post's Page Six reports this morning that failed real estate entrepreneur Donald Trump will be hosting a Friar's club roast of boxing "promoter" Don King. Past roastees have included Pamela Anderson, Chevy Chase and, most famously, Hugh Hefner. And now Don King, perhaps the only perso...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while writing a musical based on the movie "Fargo" ... • NFL: Patriots give Raiders the ol' Three Stooges eye poke. • MLB: Pitcher Kyle Lohse takes a bat to Twins' locker room, providing yet another reason to dump the designated hitter. • MLB: Coco Crisp home run helps Indians move i...
A Steroid Family Feud
We know it's NFL Kickoff Night, and we know it's kind of a bummer to finish our first day with a post about baseball, but we just find it tough to resist a couple of steroids guys feuding. (We always imagine them having counterintuitive arguments about who has smaller testicles.)...
To Watch Tonight ...
What to watch as Gilligan ascends to Sitcom Heaven ... • Your excuse to eat vast quantities of junk food is finally here: Raiders at Patriots kick off NFL season. • MLB: Angels at Red Sox. Converging fronts of negative mojo from Yankees, A's fans collide over Fenway, causing it to rain. • U.S. Open ...
Leftovers: Bud Selig's European Vacation
• Ducks across the pond: MLB to play games in Europe in '07? [MSNBC] • Westbrook serves Eagles with divorce papers. Wonder where he learned that from. [For The Birds] • Say it ain't so: Red Auerbach sent to hospital. [CelticsBlog.com] • Pickup game: LeBron, Kobe, KG in for Katrina relief. [Minneapol...
Kicking Off The Season With Satan
According to the The Boston Herald, which is being amusingly hush-hush about the whole thing, tonight's special guest at the NFL Kickoff Festivities will be Ozzy Osbourne. What does Ozzy Osbourne have to do with football? Well, Kanye West doesn't have anything to do with football either, and if Ozzy...
How Can We Be Lovers If We Can't Be Friends?
We were playing around on BarryBonds.com again today — honestly, it's like Christmas every day; we don't care if he plays again or not, as long as he keeps his site updated — and, on a page devoted to Barry's 40th birthday party, we found the above picture....
About Last Night ...
What you missed when TiVo finally gained consciousness and took total control ... • King of Queens: Agassi rallies in U.S. Open thriller — too bad you slept through it. • MLB: Mets beat Braves! ... Naw, we're just kidding, obviously. • World Cup qualifying: Shocking news involving Northern Ireland a...
Mike Tyson, Loose In Moscow
Hey, it's a story about Mike Tyson, and he's not beating the crap out of someone or forcing them to do drugs. Though he's in Moscow, so it could just be a matter of time....
About Last Night ...
Well, once again you've thrown a boot at the TV and pointed the remote at the cat ... • MLB: Pedro, Mets lose again, consider reality series. • MLB: Ortiz, you stud! Red Sox shock Angels. • Talk about steroids, ever take a close look at Kim Clijsters? Er, we mean, Venus ousted in U.S. Open semis....
Suddenly Charitable Bonds Could Return Tonight
We were all set to make fun of Barry Bonds today. ESPN's Pedro Gomez, who has pretty much been sitting outside Bonds' house and sifting through his garbage for months now, finally got the scoop he was waiting for by reporting that Bonds could return from the DL today. We were going to mock Bonds' ...
About Last Night ...
• What you missed while shaving profanities onto your dog ... • Florida State beats Miami in football ... wait, that can't be right. • Jerry Rice decides to retire after Broncos clean out his locker, paint over his parking space and refuse to let him back into the building. • White Sox grind Curt Sc...
Red Sox Dial Down Arroyo
After some legitimate complaints about his off-field pursuits, Red Sox pitcher/archaic grunge rocker Bronson Arroyo might be the most important pitcher the team has right now. So apparently the Red Sox themselves have tired of all the rocking, asking him to cut down on the music until, you know, w...
About Last Night ...
Why am I on the floor, surrounded by empty malt liquor cans? And why am I dressed as a bullfighter? Will someone please bring me up to speed? ... • Spurrier wins his debut as a Gamecocksman. • Aging pitcher Tony Danza gets the win as Angels somehow pull even with A's. • We don't want another Oswalt!...
The Oldest Batboy in Captivity
Tonight that Marlins batboy kid who was suspended for six games for throwing up milk will be on the "Late Show With David Letterman," his first public appearance and interview. As more news comes out about Nick Cirillo, this story becomes a little stranger. The biggest thing? This "kid" is not a k...