champions Page 69 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Manhunt Is On For Aston Villa Fan Who Chucked A Cabbage At The Team's Manager
Yesterday’s Aston Villa-Preston match was a thriller that ultimately ended in tragedy for the Villans. Though it must have hurt to watch the ball bulge the back of their net three times in the disappointing 3-3 draw, the spheroid that arguably caused Villa the deepest psychic injury was the head of ...
Cristiano Ronaldo Told He CANNOT Play Against Young Boys<em></em>
Young Boys can rest easy, knowing that this menace has been forbidden from going at them....
Restructured United Soccer League Apes Everything British, Except For What Matters
The levels of the American soccer pyramid are confusing, mostly because they are make-believe. Every level of the world’s real soccer pyramids are clearly numbered, linked with flights of stairs, and constantly shuffle teams up and down depending on the results of a clear and meritocratic process. A...
Tiger Woods Wins First Tournament Since 2013
With a score of -11 after the final day of play on Sunday, Tiger Woods earned himself a two-stroke win in the Tour Championship, the final individual tournament of this season’s PGA calendar. It was his first tournament win since the 2013 WGC-Bridgestone Invitational, with a lifetime’s worth of heal...
Cristiano Ronaldo's Sister On Red Card: "They Want To Destroy My Brother, But God Never Sleeps"
Cristiano Ronaldo’s sister Katia Aveiro, who previously said that people who vandalized a statue of her brother on their home island of Madeira should be exiled to Syria, has defended her brother on social media again. This time, she did so after he was sent off in Juventus’s Champions League match...
Ousmane Dembélé Isn't Perfect For Barcelona, But He Is What They Need
It still isn’t entirely clear if Ousmane Dembélé truly fits in at Barcelona. He doesn’t seem to have level of technical mastery and precision required to thrive in Barcelona’s traditional playing style, and it’s yet to be determined whether it would be wise or even possible for him or Barça alter th...
Cristiano Ronaldo Sent Off In Tears After Softest Red Card Ever
In his first Champions League match with Juventus, Cristiano Ronaldo was sent off in the 29th minute for what looked like patting (maybe forcefully patting?) Valencia defender Jeison Murillo on the head, after Murillo went down in the box. I’m no Ronaldo super fan, but that has to be the most ridicu...
Liverpool Righteously Owned PSG In A Champions League Classic
The first classic match of the new Champions League season came on the first day of the competition. Liverpool-PSG had everything: superstar forwards on both sides of the ball, anarchic attacks flying up and down the pitch, several goals, a wounded dick, and, maybe most importantly, a heart-stopping...
Wonderteen Christian Pulisic, Who Is Now A Wonderman, Scores Winner On 20th Birthday
Christian Pulisic turned 20 years old today, which means he is no longer the Wonderteen we have all known and loved, but instead a full-grown Wonderman. He showed his newfound maturity by scoring the lone goal and winner for Borussia Dortmund in the 85th minute of their Champions League opener again...
Mauro Icardi's Gut-Punch Volley Made Tottenham Puke All Over Themselves
Even in this new Mauricio Pochettino era of success, Spurs haven’t fully cured their Spursiness. Over the past few years Tottenham have been at their most Spursy in the Champions League, and today’s tournament-opening match against Inter was no exception....
Here Is The Champions League Group Stage Draw
The group stage draw for this year’s Champions League tournament was just completed this morning, and now it is time to find out which teams have been unfairly boned and which teams were clearly the beneficiaries of a rigged lottery....
Why Don't More Soccer Teams Scoop Up Easy Goals From Cool Free-Kick Routines Like This?
PAOK scored the first goal of their Champions League qualifying match against a superior Benfica team off of a neat little coordinated free-kick routine. Watch the goal above, because it’s cool, and then ponder the following: What is it about free goals that have the big tough soccer boys afraid of ...
Scammy Champions Basketball League Gets Humiliated In Court, Drops Lawsuit, Continues To Fall Apart
It’s been just over a year since we first reported on the trials and tribulations of the Champions Basketball League, a semi-pro league that used false promises to bilk hundreds of thousands of dollars out of investors who were sold on the opportunity to own a piece of a basketball team full of form...
Tiger Woods Is Back
Tiger Woods didn’t win, which is how I’ll remember this year’s PGA Championship. But he was close, which is what made it to me the most exciting and memorable PGA Championship in a decade. Because I don’t care about golf, don’t find it interesting as a sport. (Complaints can be directed here.) But I...
The Best Dribbler In The World Is Back In The Premier League
The best, most unstoppable dribbler in world soccer will be playing in the Premier League this season. Though it’s probably not the player you think....
European Tour Sent Tommy Fleetwood's $150K To The Wrong Tommy Fleetwood
Last month, English golfer Tommy Fleetwood finished in 12th place at the Open Championship. This month, Florida golfer Tommy Fleetwood received the $154,480 owed to English golfer Tommy Fleetwood by the European Tour for his 12th-place finish, and his friend tweeted the proof. There it is, right abo...
The Best Comedy Bits Going Are Leeds Manager Marcelo Bielsa's Interviews
If you’ve found yourself confused about why those familiar with Argentine mad genius manager Marcelo Bielsa were giddy with excitement when he got the Leeds United job earlier this summer, just watch the bizarre, hilarious, Google Translate-in-the-flesh pre- and post-match interviews he gave to Sky ...
This Is How It Feels To Get Whacked By A Tiger Woods Golf Ball
Tiger Woods’ hopes of winning British Open championship came to end at the same time as one fan’s hopes of leaving Carnoustie without any bruises. With Tiger in sole position of the lead on the 11th hole, his second shot took a wrong turn somewhere in the sky and smacked a gallery member to the gr...
The Real Hero Of The British Open Is Eddie Pepperell, Who Played His Final Round Hungover
Francesco Molinari of Italy won The Open Championship Sunday, following up his third-round 65 with a final-round 69 to finish two shots clear of the field and capture his first career major title. He is not the hero of the tournament. Nor is Tiger Woods the hero, even after his stirring two day char...
Tiger Woods Rages Against The Dying Of The Light Or Whatever With Third-Round 66
Tiger Woods surged up the leaderboard at The Open Championship Saturday, jumping from 29th to a briefly held share of the lead with a third-round 66. While it may not be a performance worthy of the Golf Channel’s insane promo, it was nonetheless quite bitchin’, and leaves open the possibility of Tig...