child Page 30 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Soccer Team Signs One-Year-Old After Audition Goes Viral
Maybe you're one of the three-plus million folks who saw Baerke van der Meij putting away his toys with some well-placed boots. Adorable, right? Dutch Eredivise side VVV saw it too, and saw a future strike....

Holy Shit, This Guy From Arizona Really Might Not Have A Mouth
A Phoenix New Times story, headlined "Mouthless Meth Salesman Busted For Slangin' Meth, Keeping Unauthorized Shotgun Next To Bed," fails to answer one very important question: If Alan John Shepard doesn't actually have a jaw and/or mouth, what happened to it?...

Jackass Columnist Blames Pitcher For Choosing Childbirth Over Pitching
I'm not a local, so I don't know how much of Dallas Observer columnist Richie Whitt's schtick might be part of his on-air radio personality, but I'm still going to bring your attention to this gem of a column:...

Here's Another Kid-Crying-Because-Of-Sports Video
Per the description of this clip posted Thursday night, "Our little 5 year old is so upset after the Michigan State Senior Night basketball game because his favorite 'basketball friends' are graduating. ... What a true MSU Spartan fan."...

Infidelity Mars, Spices Up Dallas Kickball Game
Your morning roundup for March 5, the day after a "terrible guy" felt like a "wonderful fellow."...

"Dear Pathetic, Ignorant Twats": The Duke/UNC War Of Words Heats Up
It's an annual tradition for the editors of the Duke Chronicle and the Daily Tar Heel to exchange trash talk letters in advance of their schools' first matchup of the season. We got them both, and boy, do the young minds of Tobacco Road have a way with words....

Little Girl Getting Help With National Anthem Will Warm Even Your Miserable Heart
The microphone cut out right in the middle of 8-year-old Elizabeth Hughes's national anthem before an AHL game in Norfolk. The crowd took it from there. [via Puck Daddy]...

For Those Who'd Like To Do Something Better On Super Bowl Sunday Than Watching Football
It's a non-sports event for Charles Bock, author of Beautiful Children, who's been a surprisingly avid Deadspin supporter. His family's going through a hardship. Modern lit fans and do-gooders should consider attending and/or donating. Thanks for your consideration. [World'sMostLiteraryRentPartyEver...

Brad Childress Granted Merciful Release From Coaching Vikings (UPDATE)
After a morning of reports that Childress would keep his job, Jay Glazer is reporting that the hirsute coach has been fired. No word yet on who will be named interim coach....

Toddler Dies After Fall From Staples Center Luxury Suite
A two-year old boy died last night after sustaining injuries in a fall from a luxury suite after the Warriors-Lakers game at the Staples Center....

The Media Pearl-Clutching Over Kobe Bryant's <em>Call Of Duty</em> Commercial Has Begun
This is the commercial. This is Tim Keown's ESPN.com column, which is straight out of the Cokie Roberts "Oh noes! Blowjobs!" school of punditry. WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN BEING USED FOR RHETORICAL EFFECT BY ANOTHER COLUMNIST GROUCHING ABOUT POP CULTURE?...

Jon Kitna's Nipples Lead Cowboys To Second Win
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Theo Walcott Is A Published Author Of Children’s Literature
Inspired by the heroes in his favourite bedtime stories, Arsenal striker Theo Walcott, aged 9¾, has written a series of kids’ books whose lead character is loosely based on the forward himself....

Eli Manning's Wife Will Soon Have Two Children To Care For
St. Vincent's is no longer, but there's no stopping the Eli & Abby Manning Birthing Center: the pair is reportedly expecting a baaaaaaby. (Knowing Eli, it was a low wobbler past coverage.) Peyton will not be the cool uncle. [NYPost]...

Helmet-To-Helmet Hits Are Even More Excruciating With Children Involved
Click to view All the recent talk about football and player health has centered on the NFL and college ranks. This video—origins unknown—is proof that football's safety issues begin even earlier. Step one? Maybe not have the kids do the Oklahoma drill. [Guyism]...

Raiders Still Making The Youth Of America Cry
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

This Little Kid Really Hates The Raiders
He also says he hates football. Smart kid, making a distinction between the two....

Nebraska Fans Are The Worst Parents In The World
Things you should do with your child: play with them, read to them, keep them clothed and fed. Things you should not do: get high and tape them to the wall for your own amusement. Good job, teenage Lincoln couple....

Hockey Goons Are Born, Not Made
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Won't Someone Think Of The Gay-Panicky Columnist's Children?
For a master class in how to write a breathtakingly stupid sports column from the Cokie Roberts school of "How will we tell the children about blowjobs?" argumentum ad moppet, please read FanHouse's David Whitley, hemming and hawing about gays on the Kiss Cam....