christmas Page 7 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Worst Way To Find Out Santa Isn't Real: From A Patriots Punter
FOX in Boston did a spot with Julian Edelman and Zoltan Mesko at the Patriots' annual charity event. Interesting choice of players since Edelman's Jewish and Mesko, being Romanian, probably worships the Great Fire Eagle or something. As a kicker, the reporter asked the pair what they want for Chri...
Gifts For People Who Like Bacon
Sometimes, humans get a primal craving in the caveman center of their brains that nothing else can satisfy. We'll help you out with this gift guide that doubles as a friend test: if somebody doesn't appreciate one of the delicious or useful bacon-related products, this is probably not someone you ne...
Gifts For People Who Golf
Got a golfer in your life? Tired of buying all that Golf in the Kingdom crap? This guide is for you. Leave any suggestions in the comments....
For Unto You Is Born This Day In The City Of Denver A Savior, Which Is Tim Tebow (Expedited Shipping Available)
The world keeps hurtling through space, packed to the rafters with straight up crazy people. Behold: the Tim Tebow "Tebowing" Christmas card. ...
Gifts For People Who Drink
You and your friends have decided to exchange gifts for the holidays. And you're stumped: It's not like you're going to get one of your boys clothing or jewelry, and it's not like any of you would suggest something on the order of a "stocking stuffer," since your girlfriend can worry about that....
Ralph Nader Is Also Annoyed About All The Christmas Day NBA Games
We told you earlier that we were displeased with all the NBA action on Christmas Day, but we don't have much standing in the sporting world. You know who does have standing? Ralph Fucking Nader has standing....
Did You Want Two More NBA Games On Christmas Day? No? Well, You Got Them Anyway
Let's recap: Celtics-Knicks at noon, Heat-Mavs at 2:30, Bulls-Lakers at 5, Magic-Thunder at 8, and Clippers-Warriors at 10:30. Also, this is the first day of the NBA season, after a couple weeks of practice....
Frank Martin Is The Most Terrifying Coach On Earth
Wisconsin beat Kansas State in the second round on Saturday, and in the post-game press conference, a reporter's question made Wildcat senior Jacob Pullen cry. Terrifying hero-coach Frank Martin came to his star's defense, and in that moment we were reminded that if Frank Martin wanted to, he coul...
Last Night's Winner: The Chicago Bulls Kill Christmas
From their rendition of "The Twelve Days of Christmas," we learn that everyone on the Bulls is tone deaf, and one of them might be stoned. Guess which one. Go on, guess....
10 Things That Christmas Would Be Better Off Without
Despite indications to the contrary, I love me some Christmas. But like anything, it's not without its faults. So let's get rid of those faults now, shall we?...
German Santa Drunkenly Stumbles, Pisses, Falls His Way Into History
Bookmark this one for the day when you don't deliver your kid everything he or she asked Santa slide down the chimney with. Hell, bookmark this for when your family looks at you all judgmental while funneling nog....
Chad Ochocinco Can Receive And Give
Rather than bribing referees with George Washingtons, the wideout plans to toss a pinata filled with 2,000 one-spots into the stands if he scores on Sunday. He thinks he won't be fined. Maybe Christmas miracles are possible. [Bengals.com]...
It's So Heartwarming In The D
In case you've forgotten, today is Christmas Day, and if you want to feel all fuzzy about good deeds and peace on earth, just read the Detroit Free Press. No, for real. Ernie Harwell will make your day....
Last Night's Winner: SMU Mustangs
In sports, everyone is a winner — some people just win better than others. Like the SMU Mustangs, which exerted as much effort in scoring this prestige as they did in routing Nevada. They had no competition in either regard....
Armed Agent Zero Confuses Wizards With Bullets
We interrupt your Christmas caroling for this: Gilbert Arenas is under NBA investigation for stashing firearms in his locker. Apparently, that might violate the league's gun policy. Plus, Washington D.C. owns strict anti-gun laws. What's the excuse?...
Be Good For Goodness Sake
According to well-placed sources in NORAD, Santa is making his way across Asia right about now, which must mean that I'm about 18 hours from stuffing my face in Chinese food. Oh, and Christmas is almost here. Merriness ensues....
Last Minute Gift Ideas: Tim Legler's Holiday Sweater
What is it with the ESPN basketball analyst (and former La Salle Explorer! Alumni!) and drinking games? We already had photos of Legler and his team of chug-a-luggers getting shit-hammered. Now, he's Christmas beer-ponging. This man's a menace....
The Astrodome Would Make For A Lovely Stocking Stuffer
Still scavenging for Christmas gifts? Boy, do we have a miraculous idea for you: buy a washed-up stadium. They're on the going block! Only downside: You'll probably have to upgrade your tree. Shipping might be expensive, too. [WSJ]...
Last Night's Winner: Shopping Malls
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the megasize temple of commerce that assaulted me with annoying children, terrible seasonal music and then took all my money. You win again, Christmas....
Bears Grounded in Chicago
The Chicago Bears are unable to make it to Baltimore, because of the massive terrible snowstorm that literally everyone in the mid-Atlantic area is being a tremendous baby about....