closer Page 36 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Ned Yost Needs To Get Back In The Game
Remember when the season was young, when the Brewers had a spring in their step and a 12-person beer bong in their parking lot? Milwaukee fans, so thirsty for a championship, drank their fill; enjoying the tasty buzz of an 8 1/2-game lead in the NL Central on June 23. But with every 12-station drink...
Kevin Garnett Brings The Heat
The Celtics landing Kevin Garnett was great and all, but I know that ever since the deal was announced, many of you have secretly longed to see Garnett in a Red Sox uniform. And so you shall. Don't get too exited, greater Boston area ... Garnett was at hand at Fenway on Wednesday just to throw out t...
The Day That Aaron Boone Went Yard
And methinks the one kid in the video is a little too much into the butt-slapping, probably. He's wearing No. 12, which that season was Kenny Lofton ... shouldn't he switch places with No. 2? Anyway, The Shot Heard Round The Leggo Box is also good (hmm, is that a row of Jar Jar Binkses in the stands...
Cubs Are Iguchied, Drop One Game Back Of Brewers
No first place for you, Chicago Cubs. Oh, why, why? (Bangs head against refrigerator). The Philadelphia Phillies, bolstered just before game time with the addition of pitcher Kyle Lohse from the Reds (6-12, 4.58 ERA, tiny, ill-advised goatee), beat the Cubs 4-1 on Monday. The loss dropped Chicago to...
Dysfunctional Relationship Between Bonds, Road Fans, Resumes
Well, if Barry can't break Hank's home run record at home, it might as well be his home-away-from-home, amongst his good friends at Dodger Stadium. Hey! Who threw that Dodger Dog? Actually, I'm interested to see what the reaction will be at Chavez Ravine this week, as the Giants begin a series there...
Santana Fumbles With Indians' Bra-Strap
Twins ace Johan Santana flirted with a no-no into the sixth, until Indians pretty boy Grady Sizemore turned on the lights and told him, "Um, you should probably get going now, Johan." (Grady hit a double.) Damn cock tease. Final score: Twins 3, Indians 2....
One Swing From History
Whoa, boy! I'm starting to get all antsy ... Barry Bonds hit his 754th career homerun — a first inning solo shot in a Giants 12-10 win over the Marlins last night— leaving him just one shy of tying Hank Aaron's record....
The Ballad Of Manny And Lefty
Well, it was bound to happen ... a columnist has mentioned "Boston Red Sox" and "Phil Mickelson" in the same sentence. Send all brickbats, white-powdered missives and death curses to Michael Ventre, who went ahead and declared the Red Sox "The Phil Mickelson of baseball." Wow....
Fausto, Sans Devil, Beats Beckett
Faustus is Latin for "auspicious" ... so Fausto must mean the same thing, maybe? My spanish is not adequate. Remember when the Indians wanted to make Fausto Carmona a closer? Oh, those wacky coaches. The last time Carmona faced the Red Sox — last season — he blew two consecutive save opportunities. ...
Dice-K And The Red Sox: Part Of This Complete Breakfast
The resignation on Bud Selig's face, and the fact that he's packed his giant swimming trunks, must mean that he's given in and will follow Barry Bonds around for a month or so until Hank's record is broken. So with that crisis solved, we can turn our attention to happier things ... super, terrific f...
Some Inspiring News For A Change, OK?
Forgive me for skipping the lovefest that is Bonds vs. Aaron today (no homers, Giants lose to Braves if you must know). All things being equal, I would have much rather attended Boston's 6-2 win over the Indians at Jacobs Field, because Jon Lester started for the Sox, went six innings and earned the...
Searching For Beckham In LA, And Finding Alexa
David Hirshey writes regularly for Deadspin about soccer....
Bonds Planning To Break Aaron's Record In Private, Backyard Ceremony
Our story so far: Barry Bonds is two home runs away from tying Hank Aaron's career home run record, a situation which makes the lightning bolt scar on my forehead throb and burn like fire, but that's beside the point. Bonds sat out Sunday's game in Milwaukee, which the Brewers won 7-5. Meanwhile, Bu...
Confirmed Family Man Is Having a Good Weekend
Alex Rodriguez tallied his 497th career homerun during a day/night doubleheader curb-stomping of those pesky D-Rays. The Yankees one won the first game by four runs, a fairly respectable margin. Once the sun went down shit got ugly—17-5 ugly. Luis Vizcaino got the win in both games and Shelley Dunca...
My VORP Is Phenomenal
Everything was clicking in Boston last night and Terry Francona's jaw was no exception. The Red Sox pounded Chicago 10-3 despite a botched (non) homerun call by the umpires leading to Francona's righteous ejection. The Red Sox were led by another dominant performance by Josh Beckett. He struck out t...
No Time For Pitchers
If this is a preview of the NLCS (sorry, Central Division! A fruit basket is on its way), we don't plan to miss a single game. Tom Glavine (he's still stuck at 299 career wins) and Derek Lowe both stunk, which is always fun, because the Mets and Dodgers combined for 35 hits in a 13-9 win by New York...
Beware The Tempest That Is The Chicago Cubs
Hey, thanks for reviving me; those smelling salts really did the trick. If you hadn't come along when you did, I would have missed my bus. It's just that something I heard a few minutes ago really shocked me, and I went down like a carp. Passed right out. Yep, just two little sentences, uttered in t...
The Duke Can Beat You In Many, Many Ways
I admit to being no huge fan of the designated hitter rule. I like that fact that there is at least one pronounced difference between the leagues, but baseball is all about my nine vs. your nine ... and that includes the lazy-ass pitcher (I'm talking about you, Clemens). If the NL had the DH, then w...
Phillies Get Started On The Next 10,000
I think we all remember the halcyon days of April 1883; a simpler time, when Chester Allen Arthur was President, the Brooklyn Bridge had just opened and the Philadelphia Phillies franchise had no losses whatsoever....
The Matchup You've Waited For: Bonds Vs. Laundry Cart
We take you now to the Giants' clubhouse at Dodger Stadium, where Barry Bonds has a few words about his second straight 0-for-5 performance in a 5-3 loss to the Dodgers: "It's an embarrassment for me to be wearing this (expletive deleted) uniform 'cause of the way I'm playing. There, that's it. Now ...